Al-Anon - Step One

dot · Senior Member

Al-Anon - Step One

socalmom · Member

Understanding and really practicing step one has been tough for me. For most of my life, I've thought I've known what was best for everyone. I was the first one to jump in with opinions as to what others should do, and quite frankly, wasn't pleased when my suggestions weren't taken. Sometimes, I'd just wait to let the other person fail, so I could step in, do an "I told you so" and proceed to try to fix his/her problems. How great I felt about being the martyr, or so I thought.

The first time I worked the rest of the steps, I struggled with them because I had not totally embraced step one. I had to learn to keep the focus on me, work hard to really understand what powerlessness meant and truly admit to myself how totally chaotic my life was because I was trying to control everyone around me -- everyone except myself, that is!

After repeating the serenity prayer many times a day, for many, many months, I woke up one morning and truly felt the powerlessness. I finally got it. I really didn't want to control anyone anymore -- especially my husband. I realized I had enough of my own stuff and was truly tired of the emotional roller coaster and acknowledged I had a lot of work ahead of me to straighten my own life out.

It's been a year and a half since that aha moment for me. I still lapse back into my controlling behavior at times, but working the rest of the steps has given me the tools to acknowlege my mistakes, refocus on step one, and get on with my recovery.

Peace,

Jane

kiki · Newbie

I am just beginning to understand Step 1, i realise that i really am powerless over alcohol and am beginning to lose that panicky feeling in my stomach when i think of the realism of that. I´ve been trying to control my A and feeling the sense of failure and despair when of course i failed. Now the penny is finally dropping......and so is that feeling of failure. I´m ready to move forward now and this Work Board will be a help to me, i´m sure. Thanks.

Stinkerbell · Newbie

I am new to this board but there's one thing I love to hear and talk about are the steps, traditions and concepts of Al-Anon. Al-Anon turned my life from a maze to an amazing life. For this gift I will be forever grateful.

In Step 1 I learned that I can't. It's really that simple for me, now. Granted when I got here I was looking for a list of the care and feeding of my As, I had two of them at the time. Now that I have been here for awhile I understand that when I push, pull, conive and pray for my outcome I am not practicing Step 1. The concepts of the steps are truly simple, I AM POWERLESS, but putting them to practice is not so easy until I willingly surrender. For me this works best when I take the physical action of throwing my hands up in the air and say out loud "I surrender". Then I have taken an action that leads to right thinking that allows me to continue on the path of the steps. Just for today I can do something for a short period of time that would appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a life time. The other thing I learned from Step 1 was how to act as if. If I could just act like I was powerless then before I knew I eventually came to really believe it.

Thanks for letting me share with you.

demilas · Member

I am new to this board. Something has happened in my life to make me open my eyes and I am now admitting that I am powerless over my A husband. Now what?

Dev · Newbie

I'm with you. I don't know what to do next.

RDP2976 · Newbie

Hi I am new to the board. So I went back to where the first step started. I think I got step one but it is hard I know I am powerless over alcohol but like I said I don't want to be. I want my old life back were my A husband didn't like Alcohol. I am working very hard to get this. I can't really go to a lot of meetings I have only been to two and that was because my A was out of town now I don't know when I will get to go to another meeting. So I will just do the online meeting until I can go. Thanks for being here good night.

ROBYN

membee · Newbie

Wow, it is kind of surreal to be here yet. About 3 weeks ago, I finally realized how my A had become so manipulative and out of control and luckily someone suggested I look for online sites. I didn't think I would ever admit powerlessness over anything, but I am starting to recognize it about my husband and alcohol. I am a fixer, nagger, etc. but I have felt more at peace once I let it be. Sometimes he has behaved better after I have refused to react, sometimes not, but either way I am proud of how I am. It is good to do something for *me* for once. I have always sacrificed everything for my work, my family, my husband and in the end that just made me more vulnerable even though I thought I was helping. I think it is possible for me to be this way, without being selfish. That is another discovery.

angelinme908 · Veteran Member

Hi, I am also new here. Recently my girlfriend told me she didn't feel ready to be in a relationship. I have a hard time admitting I am powerless over this. I really want to tell her I can make it okay. That she doesn't need to leave me. But I cant change her and make her ready. It is so hard for me to admit and it hurts. I don't want to be powerless. My job in my family has always been the responsible child who meets everyone's needs. How can I do that when she won't let me? I feel trapped by my inadequacies and I hate it.

Why must we be powerless???? I understand Step One and see the importance of it. I thought I could do it too until this happened yesterday.

Thank you for having this board to work on the steps.

hari · Newbie

I, along with two friends, have decided to do step work together; we are going back to square 1, that is, Step 1 and plan to work each step for as long as it takes for each of us to agree that it's time to go on. For various reasons, none of us is working with a sponsor although we all attend Al-anon meetings and several other support/educational groups several times a week.

Is there a "best way" to proceed? Any feedback would be tremendously appreciated! Thanks.

imagine · Newbie

Hi Hari,

I'm new to al-anon so I don't know what the best way is. I do know that when I first attended meetings, I liked the repitition of the chair person reading a welcome, then the group reading the 12 steps and 12 tranditions, then the chair announced a topic. I found it very comforting to know what I could expect, because my circumstances had been so unpredictable. Working the steps for me has been to read them all first, and I do meditate on them. My sponsor talks a lot about admitting my powerlessness over all situations. This has helped a lot. Several people have advised me to journal. For some reason, I can't do that. A few times I tried and it just makes me feel worse. I guess there's a lot to be sorted through. I think that basic attitude of humbleness to God, my high power, is helping me relax and realize that I didn't get this way overnight, and I won't get better overnight. Each day can be better than the one before if I turn to Him first.

imagine

jmb · Member

I am new to Al Anon and I truly am powerless over my "stinky thoughts" and dwelling on past eventsthat have happened in my life to the point that they overpower me and I can not focus on Today for focusing on yesterday.
I admit I have a problem with this and have came to Al Anon in hopes to find Myself and in that I hopefully can rebuild my marriage of 9 years. My husband is a recovering A with 6 months sobriety.
I hope to find true peace within myself and am willing to turn it over to my HP for guidance! In order to do this, I have to Let Go and move On! In doing this I will be a happier and healther ME!!

Thank you!

JMB

cookie1971 · Member

(((((Family))))

Admitting that I was powerless. This was a very hard one for me. I have a lot of trouble with not being in control.

After much prayer and soul searching, I have come to realize that this is the one thing in my life over which I have no control.

I do realize that I am powerless over alcohol, and I am ready to admit that my life is unmanagable.

Love and Blessings,

Cookie

Spirit2035 · Newbie

Hello everyone, and thanks for sharing your thoughts with the world. Somehow, that makes it easier, knowing we are not alone in this situation.

I am new to this, and I am full of anger and frustration and fear. I am trying to work through the steps, and although I believe it can happen, I am not yet ready to say I am powerless, although clearly my life is unmanageable. I want to let go, so I am here, reading how others have done it.

This sucks. I wish it was not happening to me, but it is, and I must learn how to deal.

Sueannerey · Member

After 8 years with my alcoholic husband, I only recently realised that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.

I didn't want to admit that I was trying to control his drinking but when I joined Al-anon 4 weeks ago and listened to the other members sharing, I realised I could identify with most of them. I too had tried to hide his money, throw away the drink, water it down, hide his cards, hide the car keys, all to no avail. When he didn't come home, I would know it meant he was on a binge and sometimes I wouldn't see him for a few days not knowing where he was, who he was with or if indeed he was okay. You see, he wouldn't answer his phone. Instead of realising why his mobile would go to voicemail in these situations, I would constantly ring and ring the number, sometimes leaving nasty self pitying messages for him which I later learned would only perpetuate the absence because of his guilt over what he was doing.

It has taken me a long time to gradually realise how powerless I am and now I have to put myself first. After all, I didn't cause his drinking, I cannot control it and I certainly can't cure it.

Good luck to all who are embarking like myself on the first step to recovery.

Sueannerey x

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