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Post Info TOPIC: The Twelve Steps


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hi, i  have an alanon sponse of 2yrs, looking for online sponser in alanon per my sponsers suggestion she will be away alot and i currently have 1 alanon sponsee as to your dilemma i started with a sponse at step 1 by 10 ways powerless and 10ways unmanageable, journal daily 5 things grateful for, read all lit and med. on step 1, look up the words from the dictionary WE ADMITTED,WERE, POWERLESS,OVER,LIVES, HAD,BECOME,UNMANAGEABLE. /////// thank GOD on awakening and ending the day, call sponsor and/or other recovery contacts to be accountabe for thought and actions, there are alot of solutions this is my experiance yet, i dont do it  perfectly and remind my self JUST FOR TODAY i can do  ______?hmm

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hi i went to my first aa meeting yesterday and my first out patient progam meeting  would like some advice as to how to get started working the steps  thanks

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fran rist


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to get started read step 1 in 12x12 read big book  from the first page to the end of the dr opinion. journal as you relate to thinngs you read. make a list of 10 powerless and 10 unmanageable areas due to drinking and behavior. then call your sponsor or a friend inthe program or me to go over your step 1 and get ready for step 2. my # is 512-240-4100 i suggest 90 in 90 meeting get a sponsor call 2 women a day on aa phone list pray in morning to stay sober and sane and thank your higher power at night. OH!YEAH!! DONT DRINK! IMAGINE THAT!! HAVE A GOOD JOURNEY!!idea
to get started read step 1 in 12x12 read big book  from the first page to the end of the dr opinion. journal as you relate to thinngs you read. make a list of 10 powerless and 10 unmanageable areas due to drinking and behavior. then call your sponsor or a friend inthe program or me to go over your step 1 and get ready for step 2. my # is 512-240-4100 i suggest 90 in 90 meeting get a sponsor call 2 women a day on aa phone list pray in morning to stay sober and sane and thank your higher power at night. OH!YEAH!! DONT DRINK! IMAGINE THAT!! HAVE A GOOD JOURNEY!!idea


-- Edited by ivie at 17:15, 2007-09-07


-- Edited by ivie at 17:21, 2007-09-07

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hi i am new to this and need help to get started with the first step  please any input would be helpful

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fran rist


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thanks ivie  fran

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fran rist


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your welcome

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Here are the steps we took: 1) We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.

That is what the authors of the Big Book and millions before you did. To personalize the step for your study and action in the here and now, however, you may wish to rephrase it as:

STEP ONE. I admit that I am powerless over alcoholthat my life has become unmanageable.

READING FOR STEP ONE

Big Book: The Doctor's Opinion:
Chapter 3, More about Alcoholism
12&12: Step 1

If you have recently returned to A.A. after doing some alcoholism research, you will learn more about the mind that took you out if you take our Bottle Inventory .... understanding the relapse.

.As we take Step 1, we separate it into its first and second halves:

STEP 1a. I admit that I am powerless over alcohol....

Although Step 1, itself, does not require that we admit to being "alcoholic", ....

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. [Big Book page 30, line 11]

And what does AA say an alcoholic is? The definition is scattered through the literature, but a test is offered in the first paragraph of Chapter 4. This test is twofold:

a. If when drinking alcohol do you find it difficult to stop?, and
b. If not drinking alcohol, do you experience difficulty in leaving it alone?

The first test measures our alcohol compulsion, which Daniel W. defines as, "An impulse or feeling of being irresistibly driven toward the performance of some action which is irrational." Dr.. Silkworth, in The Doctor's Opinion, tells us that:

...the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker, [Big Book page xxvi, line 4]

The body is in the clutches of alcohol, and alcohol controls the mental processes which, in turn, keep the alcohol flowing into the body.

The second test measures our alcohol obsession, "the persistent and disturbing intrusion of, or anxious and inescapable preoccupation with, an idea or emotion...". In other words, it seems as if the alcohol calls us with voice irresistible until we have little choice but to start the drinking process anew. This affliction is strictly mental until the alcohol enters the body. Then, we are back to the first testagain. In fact,

...the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. [Big Book page 23, line 5]

...the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking...(are)... the crux of the problem, [Big Book page 35, line 1]

Confucius say: (He really did, too)
Man take drink
Drink take drink
then, Drink take man!

If you haven't made the concession of being alcoholic yet, don't quit! And, if perchance you are still drinking, then don't quit trying to quit! The primary purpose of taking this step is to bring about the conviction and admission that you are alcoholic. Part of your conviction should be the absolute certainty that the next drink will lead to undesirable consequences (to say the least).

Writing: Your writing will commence with laying out some facts about your drinking. The simplest way to do this is to begin with the last drinking bout, providing the information set forth below, then proceed in reverse chronology until no significant new facts are to be uncovered.
Your goal is to set forth evidence of the mental processes that led to the first drink, and that your physical, mental, and spiritual states are taken over and subjugated by alcohol when it is introduced into your body. For example:

1. On June 20, after 3 weeks of abstinence, I had a few beers with the crew after a really hot 10 hour Friday.

I drank because: I just had to cool off, to renew my relationships with my old drinking buddies, to forget my boss's threat to replace us if we didn't speed up, to check out the ladies at the Golden Suds, and to show my nagging Alanon wife that she couldn't control me all the time.

This is what happened: I had two or three pitchers, got in a fight with John Jones, told the boss's nephew he was a nerd, spent half of my paycheck on floozies in the bar (with no physical relief, either), suffered a black-out between midnight and bar closing, parked the car in the neighbor's front yard, was locked out of my bedroom, spent the weekend puking alone, had a horrible hangover on Monday, and was placed on suspension at work.

Did alcohol work for me? It seemed to cool me off for a few minutes, but none of the other results I had in mind happened. As usual, a number of other unanticipated things also happened, all of which were not wanted. No, it didn't workagain, and I am truly lucky that no permanent damage resulted.

2. The whole month of May was the total pits.

I drank because: It didn't occur to me that not drinking was an option. I just couldn't stand the nagging of the wife, and the looks of the kids. It was necessary, somehow to just shut them off. The only thing in life that was tolerable was pool at the Golden Suds with my palsthey understood. I was desperate for relief, and I was coming to the horrible realization that I might never find it, that I would just keep going on and on and worse and worse.

This is what happened: Whatever relief I found in the bottle was superficial. My doctor told me I needed to cut down. I almost got arrested for crashing into the freeway divider. My pals really just tolerated me. They didn't give a damn about me. Work was unbearable, what with the hangovers, short hours, and a boss who didn't understand. I was getting 2 or 3 black-outs a week. The kids were never there. The wife was a beast. I was always sick.

Did alcohol work for me? Nothing worked anymore. My greatest fear was that it would never end. The beer was no good. I got sick. Wine tasted like bile. Whisky blacked me out. I didn't know what to do.

3. (You should have the idea by now.) Continue until the learning value wastes away.

In conclusion: provide answers to these questions.

Which of my problems will be removed or alleviated if I take a drink of alcohol?

Can any good come of my taking another drink?

What will really happen to me and others if I do drink again?

What good reasons do I have to believe my answers?

Do I wish to avoid the next drink?

STEP 1b. I admit that my life has become unmanageable...

You have just swallowed some painful truths about your drinking. Upon even trivial reflection it is obvious that your thinking hasn't been too rational, either, when it comes to the drink problem. Have you managed your drinking career well?

The mentality we have when it comes to drinking, however, is but one part of a deeper thinking impairment which impacts almost every aspect of our consciousness. You may have noticed expressions such as these in the Big Book:

...illusion, delusion, self deception, lurking notion, peculiar mental twist, curious mental phenomenon, insane idea, foolish idea, insanity, absurd and incomprehensible behavior, queer ideas, strangely insane, subtle insanity, strange mental blank spots...[Big Book, various pages].

You undoubtedly have your own favorite expressions gleaned from pages 30 - 43 in the Big Book. But humor aside, there must be a serious message here that our own mindsquite aside from the drink problemcannot be trusted with running us.

Writing: Put down some thoughts/actions and vacancies/inactions that might lead you to doubt your capability to run your own life or the affairs of others. Examples might be:

I married my first wife because she liked to party. I divorced her because she couldn't hold her liquor. I made my oldest boy become a veterinarian because I liked horses. I got into steel working because it was dangerous. I socked my best friend because he voted for McGovern. I hate my step father because he wants to visit us every two years. My neighbor is weak because he is fat. I repair my own car because the local mechanic is an Arab. We installed a pool for partying. etc..

Many members of AA feel a need to write an Immoral inventory (as opposed to the moral inventory of Step 4). If you have such a need, get it out of your system here.

In the course of writing our terminal drinking experiences, we have discovered that answering these questions is helpful.

a. When I decided to take the first drink of that last drinking bout......

Had I answered the 20 questions suggested by Johns Hopkins Hospital? If so, what was my "score"?

Did I know that I had a problem with alcohol?

Was drinking habitual?

Did I have good reasons not to drink?

Was I aware of the reasons not to drink while I was deciding to drink?

Did I convince myself that I deserved a drink as a reward?

Did I expect the drink to work for me?

Did it work for me?

Was I optimistic about my future?

Did I have a sense of hopeless, dread or impending doom?

Did I consider myself worthy of a good life?

b. Was there a moment of clarity or a traumatic event that contributed to my not taking a next drink after the final bout ended?

In conclusion: It is more than likely that 85 - 95 % of your ideas and mental processes are right-on, and that the remainder will, as a minimum, get you or others into trouble. Our problem, it seems, is that we can't differentiate the good ideas from the bad. What is our prognosis?

Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense." [Big Book page 43, line 26]

And to remove the mental defense loop hole, how about this:

We are without defense against the first drink. [Big Book page 24, line 12]

When delusion based thinking ...is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane. [Big Book page 24, line 29]

So many want to stop but cannot. [Big Book page 25, line 3]

The prognosis of a meaningful and joyful life, even while experiencing abstinence, is also dubious, because

...our troubles...are...of our own making. They arise out of ourselves. The alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. [Big Book page 62, line 15]

In view of the following dire prediction (bold style has been added for emphasis) you may wonder if there is any hope at all....

Among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed. [Big Book page xxviii, line 32]

They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinksdrinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery. [Big Book page xxvi, line 34]

The principle of Step 1. A.A. is big on principles. (Look up "principle" in the dictionary.) In fact, the word appears 36 times in the Big Book. Just one instance is,

The principles we have set down are guides to progress. [Big Book page 60, line 10]

We try to distill each of the steps into its fundamental principle. What is the principle of Step 1? (Clueit may be hopelessness. Would you believe, capitulation? or, could it be surrender?)

Obviously, there has to be more to recovery from alcoholism than admitting total defeat. Step 2 provides some hope.

Return to Table of Contents


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i just got the big book in the mail i am a nurse so i work twelve hour shifts i have been making meetings every night after work but i have not had time to read will be on vacation as of tomorrow 9/13 so will have time to sit and read  also i have been journaling everytime i have a stressor writing it down usually helps i khave not had a drink in 11 days fran

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fran rist


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congrats on 11 days!!! yeah!!! have fun on your vacation and here are a few
 words to take with you.
BEFORE YOU TAKE THAT NEXT DRINK OF ALCOHOL:
 

1)     POSTPONE THE DRINK. You have undoubtedly had character defects such as procrastination, sloth, laziness, denial and fear.  So, USE THEM right now in a constructive way by postponing that drink. You know you can hold off for 10 minutes, an hour, or even more. And, while you are delaying the destroyer, take the remedies listed below:

2)     STAY AWAY FROM ALCOHOL. If you are in a bar or a place where liquor is available to you, go somewhere else where there is no booze for a while, at least.

3)     PRAY. Ask God to keep alcohol from entering your body and to remove the obsession to drink. This action can and should be done repeatedly while you are following the rest of this survival plan.

4)     CALL SOBER PEOPLE. Tell them that you want to take a drink. Give your sponsor a chance to relieve the insanity of taking a drink. Or, call anybody who can help, even Central Office (818) 988-3001. In anticipation of finding a lifeguard, hopefully you have been collecting phone numbers and saving phone lists from meetings. If you are in a strange town, Alcoholics Anonymous is usually listed in the white pages of the phone book.

5)     GO TO AN A.A. PLACE. Head for a meeting or an A.A. gathering place, such as a clubhouse, a sober living house, or an after-meeting hangout. Sometimes a church or a parish will help.

6)     READ A.A. LITERATURE. Try the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) chapter 2, the 12&12, pamphlets or other material.

7)     VISIT SOBER.ORG. Download and read step guides. Visit sobriety chat rooms. Go to Google.Com and search on stay sober (107K hits), sobriety (97.5K hits), or sober (344K hits), for example.

8)     WRITE A GRATITUDE LIST. We get so hung up on what we dont have or want to get rid of, we fail to count our blessings, which we have in abundance.

9)     WRITE A HARMS PREDICTION. If you drink, who is going to get hurt? Besides yourself, how about your family, your work, and those who depend upon or respect you?

10)WRITE A "REWARDS" FROM RELAPSE LIST. If you are or might be alcoholic, you have reasons to not drink alcohol. If you are gripped by the desire to drink, put the burden of proof on that drink. What is it going to do for you that is worthwhile? How long will that benefit last? How much are those desired moments of ease and comfort worth? Are you really ready to throw away your sobriety for a drink?

11)DO AN ANONYMOUS KINDNESS.

12)[your sponsors custom action]

 

All of the diversions above can be done within a short time of having a serious thought about drinking alcohol. On the reverse side are some things to do that will take a little longer, but they will reduce and eventually eliminate the desire to drink.


SOME LONGER TERM ACTIONS TO PREVENT RELAPSE:
 

a.      LEARN TO PRAY AND MEDITATE. Pray a minimum of three times each day, upon awakening, upon retiring, and before eating. Ask others how they pray. Experiment. Ask your Higher Power how you should pray. Become a student of meditation techniques. Practice the one(s) that work for you.

b.      TAKE THE TWELVE STEPS. Make the 12 steps an integral part of your life. Take steps 10, 11 and 12 every day. Take steps 1 through 9 in order. Try to be well into step nine for your first sober birthday.

c.      LEARN TO TAKE DIRECTION. You got yourself into your drinking pickle. Doing your very best on your own will probably not get yourself out of it and into a quality sober life. Pick a person to take you through the steps and follow their suggestions.

d.      ENJOY THE FELLOWSHIP OF A.A. We have lots of fun in A.A. Introduce yourself to the winners who are making it. Join up with them before and after meetings.

e.      FULFILL A.A. COMMITMENTS. Get to meetings early. Leave late. Take on obligations to do something for A.A., such as bring supplies, setting up/cleaning up the meeting place, making coffee, taking care of literature, greeting at the door, introducing yourself to newcomers, etc.

f.        STUDY THE BIG BOOK, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. Weekly membership in a Big Book Study or a Step Study is essential.

g.      SPONSOR SOMEBODY. Get out of your own problems and into those of somebody else. Develop a deep understanding of the A.A. message by carrying it.

h.      GET A JOB. Sometimes we have too much idle time on our hands. The truly sober alcoholic is not a burden upon others.

i.        VISIT THE SICK. An alcoholism ward in a public hospital will show you where you might wind up.

j.         PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL YOUR AFFAIRS. Your family, friends, employer, neighbors and all those you meet should be better off because of you.

k.      [custom actions]

 
 
 
 
 
 


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thanks will talk to you soon will be taking my lap top with me on vacation  so i can keep in contact fran

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fran rist


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Hi Lioness, My name is Kirsten and I am an alcoholic. I suggest that step I is exactly just that. I am on Step I right now myself. I went back out approx 3 months ago. Thought I could control my drinking but instead ended up on the last day driving around with an open six pack on beer 4 by noon. I frankly work step I with anyone I feel safe with. The first 2 words of the step say "We Admitted". So admit it to yourself, HP, AA brothers and sisters, and people you feel compelled to tell and feel safe with (it is an anonymous program). I found that those close to me in my life were happy to hear me admit that I had been drinking, I was an alcoholic, and my life was unmanageable due to my drinking. I lied and schemed to drink so honesty was a welcome change.

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Kirsten Massebeau


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Hi ivie,
My name is Kirsten and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for your post it really helped me through my 1st month! I have 1 month and 2 days sober thanks to all of you and AA meetings. It works if you work. I love your tips on relapse prevention and plan on sharing them with others. IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!

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Kirsten Massebeau


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  1.   eh,  hi I am new to the steps. I have been married to an alcoholic for 16 years. I was wondering..I have read the 12 steps. They sound like the alcoholic's steps. Are those the alanon steps for myself to follow.

    We admitted we were powerless over _______--that our lives had become unmanageable. This is a step one?


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Hi Paws , the steps for Al-Anon are slightly adapted based on the same ideas considering that we are powerless over someone's drinking. Hope you find them and the board helpful , as some of us have,

llol Vickyr x

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Hi,
My name is Tonya. When I was new it was suggested that I get a sponsor at one of the meetings usually if you raise your hand and share and say that you need one someone will approach you after the meeting. You can also listen to people share and find someone that you identify with and ask them to be a temporary sponsor. There is literature at the meeting about sponsorship. Sponsors help guide you through the 12 steps.smile



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Tonya Mcelrathbey


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Hi little Princess,
you are in the right place and you are no longer alone. They sell step working guides if you go to the website for Alcoholics Anonymous. I know for sure tha t they sell them at N.A. meetings. Its a workbook. Very helpful a sponsor is also helpful in that area. 

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Tonya Mcelrathbey


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yawnHI, I AM NEW HERE 2 BUT I DO KNOW THAT IM POWERLESS OVER MY ADDICTION AND MY EMOTIONS I FEEL FROM PAST ABUSED INFLICTED ON ME FROM OTHERS BUT IM WORKING ON THEM SLOWLY.I NEED HELP WITH A SPONSOR AND STEP WORK 2.

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THERESA WEBB


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JOHN, THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME HOW TO START STEP -1.I MADE SURE I WROTE IT ALL DOWN SO I WOULD NEVER FORGET AND IF I DID I HAD IT ON HAND.biggrin

-- Edited by theresawebb14 at 06:03, 2008-07-13

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THERESA WEBB


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theresawebb14 wrote:

JOHN, THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME HOW TO START WORKING THE STEPS CAUSE IVE BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR 10 MONTHS AND WAS GOING TO CDA GROUPS BUT NO ONE EVER TOOK THE TIME TO HELP ME WORK THE 12-STEPS.                                                                                 THANKS







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THERESA WEBB


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MY LIFE BECAME UNMANAGABLE DUE TO MY ADDICTION TO MY DRUG OF CHOICE. IM POWERLESS OVER MY ADDICTION WITHOUT HELP FROM OTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN IN MY SHOES AND HAVE OVERCOME. IM POWERLESS OVER MY EMOTIONS I FEEL OVER THE ABUSE I ENDURED AS A CHILD,TEENAGER AND YOUNG WOMAN WITHOUT THE HELP TO OVERCOME THOSE FEELINGS. I AM POWERLESS OVER WHAT OTHERS SAY AND DO. BUT TODAY I AM TAKING CONTROL OVER MY LIFE CAUSE IM WORTH LOVING. THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE TO ALL ADDICTS IS STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS THAT YOU KNOW WILL MAKE YOU MESS UP YOUR SOBERITY AND STAY IN RECOVERY EVERYDAY NOT JUST WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT CAUSE THAT WILL USUALLY LEAD YOU RIGHT BACK OUT THERE. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND LOVE YOU FIRST. AND STAY AWAY FROM RELATIONSHIPS THAT TAKE YOU AWAY FROM YOUR RECOVERY.

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THERESA WEBB


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theresawebb14 wrote:

yawnHI, I AM NEW HERE 2 BUT I DO KNOW THAT IM POWERLESS OVER MY ADDICTION AND MY EMOTIONS I FEEL FROM PAST ABUSED INFLICTED ON ME FROM OTHERS BUT IM WORKING ON THEM SLOWLY.I NEED HELP WITH A SPONSOR AND STEP WORK 2.



Welcome Theresa,
Joyce here. Have worked on my abuses from parents, medical professions, clergy, relationships, etc.  If I can be of any help to you please let me know. Have been around many 24's recovering from childhood emotional sexual abuse, and just about every addition imaginablesmile



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THANKS I NEEDED TO KNOW THAT.bleh

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THERESA WEBB


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jonibaloni wrote:

The basic principle of Step one, whether it be for the alcoholic OR the alanon, is to start focusing on ME and MY beliefs about myself. As an alanon, i will only begin to change when I stop focussing outwardly, on the alcoholic's problems, and begin to focus on the fact that I now have my own problems, within. 


i.e....i have continually tried to control the alcoholic's drinking, to no avail. Although I have tried and failed many times, I am stuck in a cycle of continuing to try, and I can't get out. Trying the same thing the same way over and over and expecting different results only hurts me, and is the 12 step definition of INSANITY. By my continual attempts to exert power where I have NONE, I literally drive myself insane; am obsessed with getting the response I feel I deserve, I am in a constant state of percieved failure, I am attempting to use manipulation, guilt and scare tactics (which mentally and spiritually wears ME out...), I am afraid on a constant basis of things not turning out as I would have them, my mind and heart are filled with continual anger, resentment, fear, hurt feelings, self-pity.... and all because I am stuck in a viscious cycle... THAT I CANNOT CONTROL ANYWAY!!!! (haven't I proven that to myself time and again?)


I am not able to begin the healing development through a higher power, until I can admit to MYSELF that my way is not working. This is the first step in the recovery of a loved-one of an alcoholic. Without this vital admission, I will not likely learn how to LET my higher power heal, in HIS way, in HIS time, instead of being the boss of a failing project.


God did not put me on this planet to sober anyone up. That's what he has planned for the A.A.s out there. What he has planned for me, at best, is to get better MYSELF, be relatively happy NO MATTER WHAT, GET A LIFE, and help someone else someday, when the time is right.smile.gif







I REALLY LIKED WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT HELP SOMEONE ELSE CAUSE TO ME WE ALL ARE THE SAME, RECOVERYING ADDICTS DRUGS OR ALCOHOL ETC.



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THERESA WEBB


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It seems to me that nobody is ever on this site to talk. Could someone out there please respond. I feel like Im talking to myself at times. WHERE ARE THE MEETINGS?

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THERESA WEBB


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Hi,
I am powerless over my spouse, people, places and things. I am a child of an alcoholic and married a child of an abuser.  I cannot control what others feel or think about me for my self-worth or hide in my imaginary lifestyle pretending and masking my feelings. 

I am powerless over my past, I can't rehash the same pictures and tapes over in my mind to make them different from today.  I need to see what is in today to move forward. 

I am powerless over well-being of others, I cannot play God today or now or anytime, it is not my job.

I am powerless over the outcomes of events, needing to know that whatever happens is not in my control but I can will it over to God.

I am powerless, learning to be in control of my feelings has kept me thinking I am not human,

Thanks for listening,
Kellie



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Kellie O. Comer


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htanks for that Kellie, I found that brilliant to read, sounds like youve got alot of real recovery there,

lloll Vickyr x

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Hi all,

Wow! Long time since I've been back to this list.
Had a sugar/wheat&flour binge 2 nights ago. No reason why. Seems like all is well in my life. Went to a meeting yesterday (AA) to see if I could hear recovery and a reason for my relapse. Nother came to me but it sure was great to be back in the rooms of AA.

Today is thursday and gain can not sleep. Glad I found this post. Time for an 11th step
"Dear Lord, I am unable to sleep. Was deep into dream I cannot recall now.
GOD: My der child, welcome back. Been a long time since we spoke. You had a very heavy meal late last night. Could be the reason. Go back to bed. TV off and repeat my son's name over and over and you may go into a deep peaceful sleep/.

Thank you, Lord for always being there when I turn to you.
Amen

Joyce

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Hello, I have just joined this forum, I am 2 years sober and just starting on my step 4, i felt good at first, like i was taking control and doing something positive, now I feel bad, dragging up incidents and the feelings that went and go with them, I was told I was bad , no good when I was a kid , thngs happened to me that made me feel I didnt matter that I was worthless,  now I feel bad and no good again, feel scared and muddled and trying hard not to sink into a pit of self pity, poor me, look what they did to me ... I know I need to work this step to move forward but am tempted to put it aside , I am trying to keep my head in a good place, turn my thoughts and feelings around, be grateful for the good things in my life and be positive not negative I want to grow and like myself , Im scared my husband will lose patience with me , I want to be a nice person for him to be with, I want to be a nice person for me to be with. I will ask God to help me with my step work, to guide me, show me what to do and to protect me. I want to heal myself and live a life with peace of mind and emotional security.

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Lioness,
I, too, was confused when I began this wonderful program.  I hope I can shed some light on your questions...

You ask about 'working the steps'.  My experience has been many faceted.  Let's start with your question about step one.  'Who do I admit I am powerless to?'  I found it most helpful when, after full realization that I was powerless, I admitted it to myself first.  That was the real key, to admit to myself I had no control over other people, places, things...  Paths to Recovery and How Alanon Works have both been very helpful in my working the steps. They have great readings and Paths to Recovery has great thought-provoking questions that really helped me to grasp the realization of powerlessness.  Journaling has also helped me immensely.  The greatest key, for me, was to get a sponsor to guide me in working the steps.  Someone who has gone through the process at least once - yes it is an ongoing process that comes round and round again in my humble experience.

I hope this clears up some of your confusion.  Try to keep the focus on yourself, keep attending meetings and reaching out through this site and relief will come.  It is an inevitable part of this amazing program.

llanghart


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L


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hello,
Thank you for your prompt response.  I am very committed to trying the twelve steps, because honestly my life has become unmanageable. Through the Al-anon literature available on the net I have indeed seen how my many attempts to try and make my alcoholic husband quit drinking has made the situation worse for my entire family. I harbor anger, resentment and unexplained pain as a result of his drinking. I have hit rock botttom and come to admit if i do not help myself am gonna have to live a miserable life. I strongly feel that Al-anon is a program through which I can experience this desired change in mean. Unfortunately, in my country Kenya the program is not active. I cant seeem to find a where such meetings take place. Please help by sending me information that I need to get started. Firstly I would like to have a chnge of attitude: I don't want to make his drinking my resposibility any more. Thank you

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zmagut


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zmagut,
It can certainly be frustrating when you live in an area where there are no face to face meetings...

Here is a link to a site that does meetings online.  They are live meetings via Skype conferencing.  All the information is included on the web page:

http://www.ola-is.org/groups/will/index.html

I would also suggest purchasing some of the literature listed at the bottom of the page.

An online sponsor might also be a good idea...

Keep posting here and reading - it helps a lot too.

Here is also a link to the Al Anon website which has more literature and information for you:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

Hope this helps to guide you in your recovery...


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L


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Hi,
Thank you so much. just knowing someone out there is listening is so relieving. I am so glad i discovered this site.I am making arrangements to purchase some of the materials, hope i get them soon. in the meantime am using the literature available online. At the moment am working step one, after several readings am now ansering the 21 questions at the end of the chapter. am also intending to find a way of reaching out to others who may be suffering silently and see if we can form a support group. Am looking for a sponsor. any idea how i can find one?

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zmagut


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An online sponsor could be a good place to start - at least until you can get a meeting started where you live... Info for starting a meeting can be found on the Al Anon website.  I have never had an online sponsor but I have heard from others how helpful it can be.  Just send out a feeler asking if anyone would be interested in being your online sponsor.

Another idea - Were you able to get hooked up with Skype and try that online meeting?
http://www.ola-is.org/groups/will/index.html
After attending it a time or two, you may find someone there that you feel comfortable with and ask them. to sponsor you.


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L


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confuse Is this still active?  I have read some of the posts and found them really helpful - I am wondering though how to start with going through the steps.... any tips?  Am I trying in the right place for example?

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I am powerless over my feelings. I am powerless over my wonderful thoughts of drinking. I am powerless over my words, when I say I will never drink again, then I take another drink. I am powerless over alcohol. I don't have the control I think I have, or I would be able to stop drinking. I am powerless to live in reality.

"a. If when drinking alcohol do you find it difficult to stop?, and
b. If not drinking alcohol, do you experience difficulty in leaving it alone?"

I do find it difficult to stop drinking, yes. I tend to think about all the wonderful things drinking
beer and vodka do for me, and how it makes me feel so good inside.

When I drink alcohol I don't want to stop. I keep drinking until I am wasted.



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It's still active.

Are you going to meetings in your area?  Have you picked up some literature?  What about a sponsor?  These are all great ways to begin learning about and working the steps.



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L


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hi smarti how is it going.I had the same feelings as you.but as we all know the booze only helps while we are tanked up.The only way to over the booze or the madness is to pray for help.and go to aa meetings.listen to other people and try and reprogram your mind.  WE ALL HAVE TO RELAX and above all get some peace of mind. We have to love ourselves and others

-- Edited by gsd martin on Monday 2nd of August 2010 12:43:56 PM

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I found that I had tried to maintain an illusion of control. I tried to control my qualifer and her behavior. Continualy taking care of messes and always feeling like a victim. As long as it is there fault then I'm ok. My head to head battle with alcoholism made my life unmanageable. When it became about me and what I was doing, I had a chance.

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smileHOW DO I WORK THE THIRD STEP.....

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A DRUNK LIKE ME......


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smileI NEED AN ONLINE SPONSOR, HOW DO i GET ONE....

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A DRUNK LIKE ME......
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