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In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.

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Post Info TOPIC: The Twelve Steps


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RE: The Twelve Steps
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I thought this was N.A. John mentioned the SWG, but most of what I've read is A.A.



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I have been reading posts and replies from Al-anoners... AA goers, Narc-anoners and others... I am starting to understand more than I thought from hearing from so many different points of view... I am a 4 year sober narcotics addict but I attend al-anon as well for the sake of my own sanity and learning compassion for other addicts in my life. I am an ACOA and married to an active alcoholic. I have learned that no... I am not any better than them; I am just aware now of what I had done in the past and that I can work on and change me without feeling guilty about it.

About Step 3: I have made a decision to turn my will over to the unity this group and the proof I have seen of change in the people that work the program. i have yet to "name" my higher power... but I can name my willingness and dedication to change my life... So God, or whatever the name of our creator is... please help me to follow through and stay strong in this will. Also, thank you to those of you who have taught me to stand tall and hold my head up.

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I have been reading posts and replies from Al-anoners... AA goers, Narc-anoners and others... I am starting to understand more than I thought from hearing from so many different points of view... I am a 4 year sober narcotics addict but I attend al-anon as well for the sake of my own sanity and learning compassion for other addicts in my life. I am an ACOA and married to an active alcoholic.

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Applause for you!  Every day is a miracle.  :) 

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sara miller


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robert j. belush your post had me responding in my head,it was strong,thank you. I am 2 days sober and clean. Starting with step 1 again. I've been in and out since 1983.I quit tryin to prove I was'nt an alcoholic years ago, instead I just accepted it. Not seriously thinking about my devastating,destructive journey before me. Clearly I have to do more(with the suggestions).My emotional, spiritual and physical being is not good. I found this site yesterday and intend to take part, go to meetings and work the steps. It kinda started 4 days ago with an disagreement with a family member, I jumped out of the car and walked to a meeting. Really, I am so optimistic about this online 12 step program as I seclude myself when I'm drinking. The online thingy has made me feel as if I can do this thing (you guys are guiding me before I get out the door)what a concept. I now feel like I can get out the door and get to that meeting. Thank you HP,Miracles In Progress,dean,and robert j. belush.

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melinda michael


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I am powerless over people.  I want to please them and they manipulate me and abuse me with my permission.  I am powerless over needing their approval and wanting them to like me because I loathe myself so much.  I never took alcohol to stop the pain but often use food to stop the feelings of shame and self loathing I have in ever part of my being.  I am powerless over fear and rage which may be symptoms from people pleasing or just not accepting or healing from my horrible mother who dyed my hair white and who was also mean or from my father who yelled and criticised and hit me and told me I was worthless.  I can still see his image on the couch drunk, snoring and dishevealed.  He would wake up and urinate next to my be or stumble and fall.  I am powerless over all of this as I never learned to have joy or feel safe or love myself.  I am afraid to just be to, just live without anxiety, rage, fear, people pleasing, self loathing or any negative emotion that stops me from being my best self a child of God.  I am powerless period and always in struggle to become instead of accepting who I am.   

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Hugs and prayers of courage, clarity, and foresight to you... and I will continue to keep you in prayer

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blankstare I've been in the program for many years and have applied Step One to my alcoholic mother.  I am powerless over my mother and her alcoholism.  She was very manipulative when I was growing up.  She did not know how to show her love.  I was very very angry at her growing up and didn't understand that she had a disease.  I grew up with five brothers (i am the only girl). I felt lonely growing up not only as a sister to five brothers, but as a women as well.  She was a very sick, sad women.  Today through the program, I can feel somewhat sad for her.  That she has this disease. 
Now I struggling with my disabled daughter (whom has two children -- one of which is disabled ) y grandchildren.  I spent most of my life trying to make her happy and have a good life.  Because of this, I've given her money and tried to keep her living somewhat of a life -- within poverty.  I felt sorry for her and her children (father's are jailbirds) no involvement.  I felt it was my duty and responsibility to do this.  Today I know I am powerless.  I've tried to change her by making things a little easier.  I am powerless over her resisting me to make choices that I think are "wisse choices"  Finally she has her own apartment.  She was living with me.  What a hell of a mess of a house I live in.  I haven't been able to save money for retirement because I put all my extra money in her and the two children.  I realize I was enabling the father on the one.  We don't know where the father of the other one is.  I stop taking care of myself.  I realize the insanity today.  Today I know I am powerless over my daughter and her children.  Trust me when I tell you -- it is extremely hard with the grandchildren.  "Letting go"  I must realize they ALL have a higher power.  And I must step aside and let the higher power take over.  I was getting in the way.  If anyone can relate -- please write me how you've done it.

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Nancy Peters


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Just join in and not sure how it works. Are we doing the step of the month, in this case, start with the 4th step Friday?  would like to join you but am a little lost...



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Danie


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I am powerless over people's anger, their meaness, their lies, their drinking. I have power over my own feelings, staying in the moment, taking care of me and "living" each and every day.

I am trying to ingrain into my psyche that alcoholism is a disease, and it affects are deadly to families....it causes despair, over-eating, loss of self, shame, lies to become truths, blurs reality.....I have not idea what it is to love or be loved. I have no concept that I am lovable. For years I felt broken, felt I was never to utter a word. That by "loving enough" and mirroring what "I thought" the other person wanted or needed, i could make them love me. I could make them happy. I have practiced this for 56 years with the same outcome....I am miserable and alone. It is time to start the living, not just existing....

I am powerless over all this.....sigh..



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dEb


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I am powerless over alcohol.  I have come to the realization, after many failed attempts at controling my drinking, that just one drink transforms my mind into an obsessive, selfish person.  I cannot stop after one. It triggers something inside of me, that makes the cravings so impossible to overcome, I don't stop until I pass out, and in the past, I have not passed out in my house or even at bars.  By the end of my drinking career, I was always waking up in a jail cell, wondering how I got there.  The only power I have over alcohol is to choose not to consume it, after that I forfeit all choice.

I am powerless over people.  I cannot control what they think of me, or how they react to me.  I cannot make them like or love me and I most definitely cannot make them more like me.

I am powerless over life and death.  I cannot choose who lives and dies.  I can only enjoy those around me while they are still here.

I am powerless over the choices of my family members.  Just because I want to be well and change my life, doesn't mean they will to.  Whatever flaws they may possess, are theirs to change.  I cannot make them stop hurting themselves, anymore than they could have stopped me from hurting myself.

I am powerless over day to day annoyances.  It is a part of life.  I can control how much I allow these things to affect me.



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Jennifer LaBuda


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first time... adult child of alcoholic... could use help with steps... i go to a local alanon group we meet once a week... i have a sponsor but find i need help with the first 3 steps please advise how to start i'm a bit lost

 



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Howdy, this has been an excellent informative article! I definitely appreciate all of your wisdom. Thanks alot .

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Would love to do a step study, however your posts look pretty old.  Can you let me know what the status is and if you are still doing a step study?



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I am new to this site, but not new to al-anon................. 14 months seems like a long time and a little time at the same time. The first year i went tomtgs every day at a 7:30 am meeting. Showing up there, as i look back on it, is the first miracle i noticed in al-anon. How did i string all those days, weeks, months together? One day at a time. The meetings fed me real "food"; there is no fake food in al-anon mtgs. For an hour, i was filled-up to the top with your wisdom, your recovery and your compassion. For an hour, i was set free from the"bondage of self." It was and still is a miracle, every day, and that's just the beginning of my day! What follows is an increase in kindness, softness, gentleness --- with the people i love, and with people i don't even know. The 12 steps are the miracle! I am grateful every day now. And today I'm particularly grateful because someone sent me an "invitation" to join this online support group, or step-study group. How does one plug into the Step Study?
PS- the date is December 1, 2011. Most of the entries seem to be from a long time ago.... Can you help?

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GBL


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Your posting was so real to me.  People, places and things are the most difficult obstacles that I have to endure.  I was recently in an alcoholic rehab (as well as addicts), seven meetings a day and when I left I immediately relapsed.  The withdrawal from alcoholic was horrific, I have not experienced that in a long time.  Sometimes I feel like I have to live in a bubble or on a deserted island.   But I know that's not the answer, I have to go back to Step1 and firmly believe that my life becomes unmanageable when I drink.  For me, it has always been jail, institutions, and I want to avoid death.  The serenity prayer works as a mantra and I pray to God to remove the obsession from me,I don't know if makes any sense to you.  But I appreciate your courage.



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Sharon Brade


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I am around your age 58 to be exact.  And it seems, with my family, the harder I tried the more I was ignored.  Don't get me wrong, I try not to blame them for after all the past  is the past and should remain there.   My drinking career started out of high school, party time, but then I had years of sobriety raising children trying to further my education and then personal disappointments occured and I said "I give up, who cares anyway" and I would start to drink again.  I know this sounds like a pity pot situation but that's the way I felt.   During my drinking career, I have been through divorces, alienation from family, thank God my children still love, jail, institutions, and want to avoid death.  I recently had a relapse, the withdrawal so severe I questioned whether I was going to live.  This ol' body can't take this type of abuse.   I need to firmly believe that my life has become unmanageable and to my Higher Power daily to remove this disease of alcoholism from me.

Thank you for your posting



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Sharon Brade


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Thank you for loving and inspiring affirmationsblankstare



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Sharon Brade


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I'm new here. I'm glad I found this. I have attended some meeting. I was wondering what the steps were and how to get started. Also I need to but a book. Any help!?! Please

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Chaserchase wrote:

I'm new here. I'm glad I found this. I have attended some meeting. I was wondering what the steps were and how to get started. Also I need to but a book. Any help!?! Please


 If you navigate round a bit you will find this stuff... you will find resources advertised at the bottom of this posting... 

...at last look the web page was being upgraded.

 

This is a good start for the steps my friend...

 

Keep it simple...

-DavidG.

 

The 12 Steps 



  1. We admitted we were powerless over _______--that our lives had become unmanageable. (*See Note At bottom)

 


  1. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 

     

  2. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 

     

  3. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 

     

  4. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 

     

  5. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 

     

  6. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 

     

  7. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 

     

  8. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 

     

  9. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 

     

  10. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 

     

  11. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

 

 

 

*What are you powerless over?  (ie. Alcohol, drugs, people, situations, feelings, childhood abuses, gambling, over eating)



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Ka whiti te ra, kia hanga te kai...

Make hay while the sun shines...



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i am powerless over drugs ,my life is out of line i have 4 sons 24,21,13,15 my olders is a alcoholic my 21 yearold is now a meth user homless on the streets my two yonger smoke pot;i have a fiance that is in a in patient rehab and i feel left and now hes geting better and im not , im 43 years old and for the first time i love someone but the dope messed everything up so i dont want to be left i want to be happy fix my anger my demons so i can be the right example as a mother before its to lateno



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marijohny wrote:

i am powerless over drugs 


  Hi Mari....  I am sitting here in my kitchen reading your post. I am pretty sure you are not waving- you are drowning- in despair...evileye

...I have bin there as I got to the first step...   ...I thought 'whoa, this is not going too well!'disbelief



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Ka whiti te ra, kia hanga te kai...

Make hay while the sun shines...



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New here. Starting with step 1.

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AJ0513 wrote:

New here. Starting with step 1.


1. Admitted I was powerless over _____ and that my life had become unmanagable.



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Ka whiti te ra, kia hanga te kai...

Make hay while the sun shines...



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Step 1.
New here also admited that I am powerless over my husband's alcoholism and my life has become unmanable.

As I am writing this is hard to even admit that. Know that I am not having power is hard for me and feels me with fear. Saying the serenity prayer over and over..

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 its a tough call... I did not quit caring when i found my dad

was an alcoholic... but i needed help and guidance- to care

well and learn to care for myself.

Having company was a big big help. I am a long time Alanon

member...  David G.  New Zealand.



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Ka whiti te ra, kia hanga te kai...

Make hay while the sun shines...



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Hi Everyone,

 I just joined today. I could not sleep, so I googled recovery and found this site. I am new here and so glad to be here.

1. Admitted I was powerless over MY TOXIC FAMILY OF ORIGIN and that my life had become unmanagable.

I have felt disempowered and powerless to manage my family of origin, so much so that I ended up having to disconnect from all of them for 20+ years. My life had become so thoroughly and completely unmanageable to the point of my wanting to commit suicide. So I cut them off and disappeared leaving no forwarding address, and then went into counselling and therapy.

I felt powerless to manage the unrealistic demands and expectations of me, their disrespect of me and my wishes. That meant no Christmases, no birthdays, no family outings, no phone calls, no letters, no communication whatsoever. I felt like I could not say no to anything. I had to be at their beck and call at all times. I had to do all sorts of things to please them, and it was never enough. I gave and gave and gave to them, and it was never enough. I gave in, and gave in and gave in to them, and that was never enough either. My life became so unmanageable that I developed fibromyalgia syndrome from which I am still in recovery. I felt forced as a child to give up my life for my toxic family. As a child I was made to cook for them, clean for them, go shopping for them, do their laundry and ironing, wash their cars for them, run their errands for them, I felt I was not allowed to just be a child, and grow up naturally one day at a time. I felt forced into being an adult before I was ready. This made my life unmanageable because I was constantly confused about my boundaries and responsibilities. I was handling things that I was not emotionally mature enough to handle, or emotionally prepared for.

After 20+ years of slow but steady and happy time in recovery,  they tracked me down and found me this year, because my father and brother died, and they needed to let me know.

I admit I have been powerless over  being re-united with my toxic family again, after 20 years.

And after 20 years it feels like not much has changed. The old demands, pressure and pestering from them to attend to their needs, is slowly and surely creeping back in, and I admit to feeling powerless over it, and disempowered by it.

I just want to say 'HALT! NO! STOP! GO AWAY! and LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY!'ashamed.gif

I feel relieved, and a lot better now having shared all this. Now I can go to bed.



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Peace and Light Angel Anonymous 'Let go and let God'


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I'm new here, but have been committed to my alanon recovery for exactly 2 years. I am again working my first step. Struggling with boundaries and worthiness. Setting boundaries with sick people is never welcome. Finding my truth, my voice, and the courage to respect and love myself is difficult and brings immense grief over what I have allowed for myself and therefore forfeited. Learning to accept the facts and my powerlessness does not remove the hunger for different reality. The hunger for relationships to grow with me rather than wither as I change for the better. I am powerless over wanting what I think I want from others, for myself. Tired and lonely, I am tempted to settle for relations w/a guaranteed void of anything promising or healthy. Like being part of another unhealthy and disappointing relationship is "being a part of". For today, I resisted the urges to try to control or change what is. Seeking only to change my attitude and actions. I did ok. I'm so grateful for this step and this forum. Thank you. One day at a time, I grow my faith, dignity, courage, and hope...all of which are new to me. Living nearly every moment in contrary action and thinking is tiring. And it's a way better type of tired than the beaten down pathetic angry martyr victim-tired.

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I am also new ,working on step 1,one of the most difficult step 4 me.

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timphy---
SUT


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Hello. I am new to the AA concepts/steps and want to know how to "work" them. 

Step 1: I admit that I am powerless over my feelings, specifically depression that washes over me--and that my life has become unmanageable. 

Now what should I do? Daily? 

Thanks for your help. SUT



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I have some questions about the 2nd step. What is necessary if we expect ongoing recovery?


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Amanda Mcclure


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Amanda

I fournd that coming to believe that a power greater than myself could resstore me to sanity was a gradual process , This process became much more "a belief" the more meetings I attended, the more I used the porgram and the more I believed in the pogram  For a time I used the Program as the power greater that myself

Good Luck



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Betty


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The best way to start working the steps is to get a sponser.  I went to meetings for almost 5 years with the worst sponser a man could have; it was me.  I tried to live buy the steps but to no avail.  It wasan't until I humbled myself (in my mind) and became willing to be sponsered that I was willing to dig out of my hole and be willing to accept the steps.

I have 32 years in the progream now but I still learn something new on a regular basis.  I have always had a problem with thinking I am powerless over alcohol because my drinking was not a problem.  Someone suggested I think of the step as saying I was powerless over people, places and thingas.  It worked but I was still uncomfortable with it.  A couple of months ago I heard someone say in a meeting that she was powerless over outcomes.  The light came on.  I had always wanted to control the way things turned out and before Al-anon, I was willing to manipulate people and situations to try and achieve my desired outcome.

I was one who could only learn from my own mistakes when I got here.  That meant that I had to reach an emotional bottom before I could see that my life was unmanageable.  One of the greatest gifts the program has given me is permission to learn from other people's mistakes.  If yoiu have not had this ephifany, as one who has gone before you, let me give you permission to learn from other's mistakes.

I am more grateful for this program than I can express.



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James J


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I just joined last night and would lik to participate in the online meetings here. I am not that computer literate so I need to download this mIRC in order to join the chats? Also some giudance on the steps please. I find this area confusing. Thank you.



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Hi

This Board is where we post our thoughts and experience on working the Steps.  The Steps are a key to our recovery and are listed at the beginning of this post.

We begin with Step 1 and go thru to 12  Right now we are on Step 5

Join us and also try  the Main Board

Welcome

 



-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 27th of January 2013 04:44:39 AM

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Betty


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this is so true iam new to this site been sober for 3 years thank u god and a great sponsor



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yes james iam so bless i call my sponsor my water cause she water me with her experince,stength,and hope



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What is necessary for  ungoing recovery? this is kinda my take on it . Well I think that doing all the steps are absolutely  necessary, a step one has to be done without any reservations. I heard somewhere that if a step 1 is not in place the rest of the steps are of no use. Going to meetings if one can is important. Step 2 says "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity. Overall tho for me I keep going back to step one, to keep grounded. For me, if we keep doing what the Big Book, Alanon 12 and 12 or Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (AA) whichever our addiction, slogans, and keep coming back to this site, we will be rewarded with peace. I happened for me very slowly and sometime painfuly, but it works.



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Ike B


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I am going to work the steps for my mental illness right now, since that is a big issue in my life.

hmm



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Life is messy; clean it up.


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Hi Welcomenraeaca

The Steps work.

Please   be gentle with yourself and keep sharing the journey



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Betty
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