Hi i am new to the fourm, and i'm finding the 4th and 5 steps are doing my head in can anyone help me look at them from a diffrent prospective ? any help would be good thank you
It's what you do next, that matters.
I am working on it ... again... and doing much better this time around with a sponsor by my side
I have found that working the steps is all I have to concentrate on...just doing it. I try not to let them work me, or rule over me. It helped me to think of step 4 as gathering the trash, then step 5 as taking it out to the curb where it was hauled off, never to be my problem again. I never run after the trash truck going "wait, wait - I want that back". This helps me because I remember the trash truck will be back next week - so if I missed something or create more trash....I can get rid of it next week.
Also - that as I gather my trash - I am leaving room for all my good stuff. My couch is cleared off so I can relax....my kitchen is clean so I can nourish myself and my family.
I am not just a person full of cruddy stuff I want to get off my chest. I have made some great choices and have some talents and virtues...those should be inventoried too - and then I thank God for them.
Step 4 and 5 are for your benefit....hard, but very rewarding. God bless!
The 4th step has always been a stopper for me and it MUST be done. I am wondering where I would find the book by Cameron F since I am in Canada
"Recovery isn't winning, it's not playing" and "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
F.E.A.R. = false evidence appearing real
INSANITY = doing the same thing over nad over again and expecting different results.
I can help you with your 4th and 5th step. Come find me at the chat site 12stepme.
I hope you got a sponsor and are not trying to do these steps by yourself. It's like giving yourself a tonsil extraction! lol
It's faster to discuss in realtime, not via emails. Look for me -- mikef --...or anyone else there designated as an online sponsor can help you.
You only need one book: the Big Book of Alcoholics Annonymous!
I'd love to help you out with your steps; find me at 12StepMe where we can chat realtime -- it's faster than swapping emails.
first thing to do is PRAY ... ask your HP to remove your fear and all barriers to writing your inventory
second, breathe, take pen to paper and write ... I found it easiest to "start" by writing the following words (people, places, things, God, myself) on separate pages and then writing my negative thoughts and feelings regarding each of those topics ... once I got going, all the topics got jumbled together because flipping pages took too long and That's OK! Infact, that's good!
I kept asking, "how will I know when I'm done?" ... no matter who I talked to, the answer always was, "you will know" ... and I DID!!! When I was writing, I only took breaks to do the basics (eat, sleep, etc) ... and then, after many hours spanning more than a day, I felt empty ... empty of emotion, empty of thought, empty of feeling, completely drained
I slept and then I found someone, as quickly as possible, to do my 5th with ... I read, verbatim, everything I had written ... most of it I don't remember writing, some of it didn't even seem like it was my hand who wrote it, and some of it also had not been conscious to me for years ... as I read, I cried, I released the emotions that had been hidden for too long ... and when I was done, what I felt was amazing! Less tension, more freedom, a new-found ME.
I have since come to realize that my first 4th only uncovered what my HP knew I needed to release and knew I could handle ... I peeled back the ugliest, most toxic, bubbly, gurgling layers of my onion ... so that I could BREATHE!
I hope this helps you ... God Bless You!