Very good reminder that I need to practice the steps myself in order to be of benefit to others. It's also interesting how Tradition Five says that we extend compassion to the alcoholic, and I believe remembering that alcoholism is a disease will help aid that goal. Thanks for your esh Betty.

My Share:

I actually really love that there are steps. I like lists, I like process, I like knowing that there is a predictable procedure in place. Actually, my boss laughs at me because I am constantly making "how-to" guides as I do things, just to ensure that I don't miss a step. lol! 

The idea of going through a process helps me think through things, and the flexibility of knowing that I can come back to a step later and try it again is incredibly helpful. I also like that this tradition helps us to understand the disease WITHOUT enabling. I think back to one of my early posts, I was SO ANGRY that my wife had interpreted my desire to seek help through AlAnon as a need for me to read about her disease so I could better understand her and how to support her. I think the kind of compassionate understanding promised here is not the kind of enabling understanding my wife was pushing. This understanding helps us to be understanding while also not being a doormat. 

Questions on Tradition Five.

How can I learn to give myself the same compassion and kindness that I give other Al-Anon members?

This is one of the most difficult things for me. I am very hard on myself in general. I need to remind myself that it is k to not be perfect, that there is a reason people "practice" medicine and "practice" law, just like I "practice" my program. There is always something that could be done better, the trick is to give myself credit for doing the best I can in any given situation, and stay willing to learn and grow through the process. 

How can my experience help others in their recovery from the disease of alcoholism?

Right now, I can be present. Being present makes a difference. It wouldn't be much of a meeting if only one person were to be in attendance, would it? I think the biggest and most important message I can share is that no one is alone, and that Alanon works when we work the program. It is messy and imperfect, but it is a process that is worth going through, and a program that works when we work it. 

How can I stay focused on my own recovery, when so many other things are competing for my priorities?

I can make a list I dedicate time to my recovery and my program. I give myself permission to take time for myself. I schedule the time for me and my program when my active alcoholic cannot get in the way of my time. I make my recovery part of my routine, like brushing my teeth. 

In what ways can I encourage alcoholic credit growth is about giving advice?

I am not sure about this one. Right now, I am focused on myself, my program, and letting my wife take care of herself and her decisions. Maybe not taking responsibility for things I am not responsible for is a way to encourage her to grow without giving advice. 

How does tradition five help me to concentrate on my own recovery?

Practicing the 12 steps myself makes me reflect on myself and my actions. I am forced to take the time to think about what I am going to do, how I am going to act. This focus allows me to return to health even if my wife decides to stay active in her disease. I can rebuild and establish new and healthy relationships, and see positive change in my life because of my work in my program. And, taking responsibility for things that go not as well (like my conversation with my wife this morning about the impact her drinking last night had on me in which I lost my temper) allows me to stop, consider, admit to wrong when I commit it, and move on. I do not have to be bogged down by guilt for being an imperfect person. The steps give me the tools I need to continue making positive change in my life and they give me permission to hit the reboot button as needed.