Hi Paul thanks for sharing with your wisdom and honesty. The Steps are indeed well thought out and workable one Step at a time . I know at first ,when i viewed them as a whole they felt over whelming .
Thanks for sharing the journey.
Love the alanon slogan that states:" if you find yourself lost in the forest--remember that it only takes 12 Steps to walk out" . I found that to be true.

My share: I found myself struggling today with a lot of things, and landed here, where I am happy to find myself. This step work seems to be a perfect fit for me today. In my life, I expect to be able to figure things out, and I struggle with what to do when I cannot figure something out. Reading the shares here and reflecting on my own 7th step gives me the answer to my question. What do I do when I cannot figure something out or I don't know what to do? Turn it over to HP and humbly ask for help. I don't need to know all the answers all of the time, which is refreshing, freeing, and exciting!


What does humility mean to me?

To me, humility means admitting when I don't have all the answers, when I cannot do something myself, and doing so with peaceful acceptance, not a value judgement. It means asking for help without clear expectations of what that help will be. (Not planning it out, letting it develop as it is meant to develop.)


What defects am I ready to have removed?

fear, impatience, the vice-grip I have on grief, the belief that I have to "go it alone"

I returned to this question after answering a few others for more honest reflection. F-E-A-R is the defect that seems to rule my actions most, and I think it sums up the other defects: I am impatient with myself because I am afraid of not making progress. I hold on to my grief because I am afraid of what life would look like without it, also I am afraid to lose that last emotional connection to my late partner. I believe that I have to "go it alone" because I am afraid to trust and rely on others. I am afraid of getting hurt, and so I protect myself with all of these defects, but most of all, I am afraid.

Do I believe that my HP can rid me of my defects?

I do, I feel as though HP and I have been redeveloping our relationship and my trust in HP, and I do trust that HP can rid me of my defects.

How am I humble ?

By being willing to admit that I need help, and by asking for that help. By living fearlessly, instead of living by the rules of my fears.

What helps me to keep the defects?

Patterns of behavior. It is easy for me to give up the part of my day that I dedicate to myself and my recovery, and it is hard to make sure that I take the time I need for my recovery, especially on the days when my wife is home.

Am I ready to ask God to remove my defects?

I think that I am. I can so clearly see how I want to walk through this life, and I need HP's help to let go of the fear that holds me back.

How do I humbly ask God to take my shortcomings?

I ask by taking quiet time for myself, meditating, and putting myself in an environment conducive to speaking with my HP. (For me, this means taking time in nature.)

Can I treat myself with compassion in my recovery and ask for willingness to keep trying?

I can, and I think that I am getting better at this! I used to really beat myself up about mistakes and missteps, and now I can see them as opportunities to learn and grow.

What positive changes can I making myself?

I can take time with choices. I can ask myself if I am making a choice out of fear, and change the choice. I can dedicate myself to my recovery by attending meetings more regularly and finding new groups, I can take time each day for meditation and reflection.

As I work step seven do I see a change in my relationship with my higher power?

I do, I can see that I am more aware of HP being there, and that I am more willing to ask for help and to trust that HP will sort it out.

What can I do this week to practice a positive trait?

I can change my routine so that I read C2C in the morning and complete my self-reflection journaling in the evening. I was reading C2C in the evening because that was when my wife drank the most and I needed it the most. Now, I think it would be better for me to begin and end my day with awareness, reflection, and recovery.

I am such a doormat/people pleaser, which is so ironic because when I people please, I end up seething with anger. Then, I do not say anything because I don't wat to disrupt the peace, then I start to hate myself.

What does humility mean
It means I get to work on this defect. Once I admit to myself, to my hp and another human, I get to see humility at work. I get to hear others experiences, share my own, and learn new ways of braving. Humility to me is a big sigh of relief.

What defects am I ready to have removed
People pleasing/doormat

Do I believe my hp can rid me of defers
Oh hell yeah. I have experienced it with my defect of judgement and when my higher power removed that defect, I felt my whole brain being retired in that instant. In that moment everything I had learned and was learning all made sense.


Am I ready for hp to reve this defect
Yes I am patiently waiting

How di I humbly ask God to remove these debts
God please help me god idontknow what to do please give me the right words God please give me courage. God I am open and willing to your guidance.

What positive choices can I make myself
Thinking about what I am offering someone and why before I say or do anything
Learning to say no or to say nothing at all
Being more direct - saying what I mean and mean what I say and then be quiet and steadfast

I am still catching up - amazing how life get's in my way at times! Step 7 is a nice jump from Step 6, 5 and 4 before it. I like this step as it makes me truly consider what I am getting ready to do. I align with much of what's been said - humble was not a 'strong word' but rather a weak word - aligning my thinking/learnings with strength vs. weakness. I didn't view being humble as being an asset.

I too had a FOO where asking for something meant you would owe a pay back at some point. Nothing was/is free kind of mentality. I also will admit that a part of me feared giving up some defects to my HP (God) simply because they had carried me for so long. I wasn't fully aligned with giving them away gave me room for new behaviors/tools - growth. So, I had fear - nothing new.

I too am so grateful for a sponsor. She carefully explained and taught me that humility was to be teachable - it was not weak at all, but rather means to be open for 'new'. She also suggested that asking for help, esp. from God or within the program wasn't conditional. It was service to or service from another. Service work is from the heart and there's no keeping score and there are no paybacks!!

What does humility mean to me?
- Humility for me means being teachable. Being open to new things, new ways, new thoughts, new attitudes. It's about change for the good by actively hearing and learning what is 'real' around me vs. what might be old tapes playing in my head.


What defects am I ready to have removed?
- Defects that were not great to hold on to included perfectionism, controlling others, false pride, arguing to be right, fear of predicted events, fixing other's mistakes for self-preservation/selfish reasons, assuming history always repeats itself, wondering if an 'old dog can learn new tricks', stepping in the way of other's consequences.


Do I believe that my HP can rid me of my defects?
- I do believe that God can rid me of my defects. I do not believe this is a prayer and then I am cured and life is good. I believe he will nudge me in the right direction and allow me to choose to go to the next right step for a different way of doing/seeing/acting/reacting to things. Having faith is not enough - I must be willing to surrender and take contrary action for a different result.


How am I humble ?
- I had to work to learn humility. I am a smart person and was taught that 'knowledge is power'. My first lesson learned was this is not always the case. Knowledge is knowledge - it has nothing to do with power. Power also doesn't cure this disease, solve other issues nor does it change hearts/habits. So, I had to learn to be open-minded, open-eared and open-hearted. The best lesson that I got from this program and this step was that more than one person can be right and more than one way to a solution can be right. There's more than one way to skin a cat - if you will - and my way may not be the best way!


What helps me to keep the defects?
- Lack of faith in the program, my HP and/or impatience help me hold tight to some defects. At times, it's fear that starts the stinking thinking, that makes me question my faith and I grow impatient with the process. When I can stay in the moment/day, I am way better off at leaving my character defects on the upper shelf closer to HP than to me.


Am I ready to ask God to remove my defects?
- Yes I am. For me, accepting this disease is more powerful than me, and surrendering to my human form with all that means/brings is freeing and peaceful. Most of my defects had to do with my desire to fix, control, change or manage things that are beyond my personal scope. It took me a long while to realize how powerless I really am over people, places and things + events. I am a calmer, better person when I work on just me.


How do I humbly ask God to take my shortcomings?
- Prayer and meditation help me with faith in a power greater than me. Using program tools, slogans, literature and my sponsor to act and be different align me with right mind and right heart. As each step takes hold and draws me closer to the life I desire as well as improving my attitude and spirit, I also align with God. I spend time each day asking for him to show me and direct me to his will in my life and to help me grow and be a better person.


Can I treat myself with compassion in my recovery and ask for willingness to keep trying?
- Understanding and embracing humility help me realize that I am a flawed human who will make mistakes even if/when I am trying my best to do the next right thing. Being able to recover from mistakes, and add humor to lighten the load and my mood helps me 'know' that my HP - God - expects me to be flawed. Not only does he know I'll need extra/repeat assistance at times, he's always nearby to lead me when I wonder.


What positive changes can I making myself?
- I can choose to live one day at a time. I can choose to restart my day if/as needed. I can choose to stick with the winners and strive for a positive attitude. I can choose to make amends when I do/am wrong and I can keep working this program to the best of my ability.


As I work step seven do I see a change in my relationship with my higher power?
- Each day that I focus on me and my recover and not on my qualifiers and the pain of the past, I feel closer to God. Each day that I own my powerlessness and practice being one among many vs. isolating, I feel closer to God. Each time I am able to help another person 'just because', I feel closer to God. This program and the 'right living' it teaches me help me feel closer to God each day that I do it...when I slip or step away, I have the tools and knowledge to realign with him and very soon - all is well again in my mind/heart/soul.


What can I do this week to practice a positive trait?
- Just smile and nod kindly when my mother tells me the same thing 4-10 times. Just smile and answer politely when she asks the same question 4-10 times. Be grateful for their visit and stop counting down when they leave (cuz I get my bed back....!!!). Be helpful and continue patience knowing and believing that we are all doing the best we can with what we have. Make sure I tell each guest here that I love them when they prepare to go home.

(((Hugs))) to all - everyone went to bed early - it's a gr8 night to do some step work!

Hello