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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Adult Children of Alcoholics - Step 8
Post Info TOPIC: Adult Children of Alcoholics - Step 8
JamesCT


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Adult Children of Alcoholics - Step 8
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8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

One of the amends you might have to make are people who you have harmed who have also harmed you.  You don't want to make amends to them because you "know" you're never getting amends made back to you.  But this is not about getting retribution or being nice to people you like.  It's about freeing yourself.

Making amends to people, even people who don't deserve it, allows you to file the things of the past with the past.  It allows you to take a step forward.  Until you own up to the things you did, until you try to make it right, you're frozen.  You cannot move forward.  You cannot grow.  

But before you can make amends, you have to make that mental shift to wanting to.  Amends made under duress or less than wholeheartedly do not accomplish their desired aim, which is to let the past go.  In this step you give yourself time to make peace with the fact that you're going to clean up your own mess, even if no one is going to clean up after the mess they made in you.

It's okay to forgive the unforgivable, because the forgiveness is for you.



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ESH (Experience, Strength, and Hope) for ACoA may be shared at http://acoa.activeboard.com .
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