Stepwork

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
 
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Thought i was ready for Step 4 but realized I have not really done Step 1
Post Info TOPIC: Thought i was ready for Step 4 but realized I have not really done Step 1
Palgigo


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:
Thought i was ready for Step 4 but realized I have not really done Step 1
Permalink  

My boyfriend keeps trying to stop and is back in AA, but when he starts to think about drinking again he picks fights, argues about unimportant things.  I ignore it for and then I get mad and argue back.  I don't mention the alcohol, I keep that out of the subject, but he won't stop until he can have an excuse to drink.  I try so hard to walk away, I get quiet and compose myself, but then I feel like I've been pushed up against a wall and he says hurtful things.  I did tell him before I was done and didn't call him and let him alone for awhile, but he came back and went back to AA and was doing great, no more stress and everything was going good, but in the last two weeks it's been stressful.  I got so angry yesterday that I really let him know how he makes me feel and said I was out of this relationship.  I am so upset at myself for the anger...that is not how I have ever dealt before.  Alcohol is changing me too.  He fell apart last night and said he had to drink and I said go and do what you have to.  He did.  He said alot of things this morning that he realized, he does create a fight so that he has an excuse to drink and he realizes that I will leave, not a threat but I will, and he called his sponsor and is at an AA meeting now.   

I need to let him be and let him work his program.  I ask God every day for the strength to take care of myself and not him.  I love him, but I can't help him.  He is in God's hands.

I came from an alcoholic family and there was abuse....I married a wonderful man that did not drink and we were married for 46 years when he died two years ago.  My boyfriend was our friend and that friendship developed over the year...he was in AA for 13 months when we started our relationship.  He was out for 8 months and everything changed...when he drinks he is not the same person he was sober.  

I can not control the drinking, but I can control weather I stay....I would love to be with this man because he is kind and sweet, but the alcohol changes his personality.  

What should I do.....I need guidance.

 

 

 



__________________
hotrod


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1023
Date:
Permalink  


Welcome Palgigo I would like to suggest that you join our alanon members who post to the main alanon board at: alanon.activeboard.com/forum.spark This is a step board and is not as active.

Working the program is a process and we cannot do it alone. Detachment, and "responding " and not reacting are true gifts of the program. It takes time and effort to develop these tools. I found if I worked the 4th through 10th step I could identify my triggers, eliminate them and then detachment was easy.

I would like to suggest that you search out alanon face to face meeting in your community, attend, find a sponsor sp as to obtain the support that is so necessary to survive a relationship with an alcoholic.
You will need to re register to post on that Board

__________________
Betty
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Thought i was ready for Step 4 but realized I have not really done Step 1
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us

Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)

Al-Anon

Courage to Change

The 12 Steps 
For Adult Children

Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums
Recovery Book Store
http://www.12stepforums.net/books.html

All Books in our bookstore are recovery related books, please visit the store and make a purchase for yourself or someone you want to shine some love on!

Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

 

 

Daily Affirmations for Adult Childern

When you buy a book you are helping support Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums

We have over 100 recovery books in our bookstore which is affiliated with Amazon.com.  The fastest, safest and easiest way to get your new reading material sent directly to you.