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Betty, thank you for your share and ESH regarding Step 11. Once again, the strength of the program is very evident to me as the success in the program is not undermined by its flexibility. It's encouraging and inspiring to see how you were able to use the framework of the program to discover your own path to recovery, attaining the same goal of peace and serenity while following a path that is as unique as you are.

These concepts of the program are very important to me, and are the reason that I have been able to get to where I am today: formally and honestly working the steps for the first time and finding a peace I once doubted I would. I am here through no strength or wisdom of my own, but because of the program that welcomes all, despite their experience, beliefs, or limitations. To this, I only had to add my own willingness to be open and try, one day at a time, to consider a different way.

I attended my first meeting over three years ago, but this is my first formal attempt to work through the steps to completion. Despite the delay, I was able to feel benefits from my very first meeting, gaining clarity on why trying to 'fix' someone else's addiction was counterproductive for both parties.

Attending as many face to face meetings as I could and reading C2C, ODAT, and Hope daily got me through an incredibly difficult time until I had a healthier perspective and was able to make a necessary decision based on me, rather than someone else.

Working through the concept of god was one of the most difficult for me in terms of formal program work. Finding a way around an extremely negative association to any god concept took a considerable amount of reading, pondering, and meditation.

As I worked on what I could at meetings, reading, and meditation, I was able to chip away at it, and eventually identified a concept of god that worked for me, that made sense, and that I really felt like I could eventually grow closer to and make a part of my thought and spiritual process.

AlAnon made allowance for my methodology, allowing me to take what I liked and leave the rest, create a god of my own, personal understanding from a limitless array of concepts, and my own form of thought communication and word or thought chains. I was allowed, even encouraged, to customize my own recovery program without having to lose any benefits. 

I ended up taking a linear track through the steps as I found that it fit with the areas I needed to address in sequential fashion. The Paths book asks us to compare our relationship with god today with when we first sought AlAnon. Mine couldn't be more different. I benefited greatly from the incremental changes over time to work through the restrictive, unhealthy concepts and tools that I brought in with me.

It is a really good feeling to be able to read and work through this step without feelings of revulsion and anger when I see the word god or prayer, and instead, feel comfort and peace. I am so grateful for the wisdom, and the patience of AlAnon, to provide a space where I was able to face and work through the issues and concepts in a way and at a pace that worked for me. 

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Step 11 questions

How do I define the difference between prayer and meditation?

From Merriam-Webster: 

Prayer: 1a (1) :  an address (as a petition) to God or a god in word or thought <said a prayer for the success of the voyage> (2) :  a set order of words used in praying b :  an earnest request or wish

When it comes to prayer, I think of it more along the lines of 1b, and I see prayer as an active send out of thoughts, desires, or wishes; meditation as a quieting of the mind, used to focus on a selected thought or concept, or to simply Be without the chatter of the impressionable and sometimes unhelpful mind.

Am I willing to try prayer or meditation today?

I am, I did, I will.

What can I do to add prayer and meditation to my life today?

Hold to the times that I set aside for it, and ask for guidance and power when I am faced with challenging situations. 

How am I willing to be guided today?

I daily read spiritual words of wisdom from AlAnon literature to guide me to perspectives and tools that reflect the peace, love, wisdom, and kindness that reflect the god of my current understanding. By meditating on these and trying to use them in my own life daily, I am gradually changing how I perceive and interact with myself and the world around me.

Is something blocking me in this step today?

No, I just need to keep trying, keep practicing, keep improving one day at a time. 

What steps can I reviewed to help me feel connected again?

I could use Step 10, which would call for me to make a quick run through all of the steps. Specifically, steps 1, 3, 5, and 7. 

What do I need to have the power to carry out God's will for me?

Continue to ask for the power, and keep gods will continually in the forefront of my mind. 

Have I asked God for that power?

I have, I do, and I will. 

Do I have a special time and place to pray and meditate? What can I do to create to create one?

I do. First and last thing I do each day, a particular spot, set environmental settings; the consistency helps me greatly.

What personal spiritual experiences can I draw on to help me improve my conscious contact with HP?

My AlAnon journey: who/where I was toward the A and everyone else in my life up to that point, my level of internal fear and unhappiness, compared to the peace in my life now and the many times I was able to find peace by relying on god's will, not mine.

-- Edited by Enigmatic on Sunday 20th of December 2015 06:53:48 PM

-- Edited by Enigmatic on Sunday 20th of December 2015 06:56:21 PM

I most likely also worked Step 11 out of order simply because I had always been one who prayed. Now....let me explain - my ideas and teachings of prayer were not even remotely close to how I consider it now but I was always one who prayed. I did 'fox-hole' prayers - meaning when I was knee-deep into a hole, I prayed for rescue. In my mind, my prayers were never answered as I was praying for my will. As a controlling person, who believed my way was the best way for everyone, I prayed for my will.

I did not realize until I got in recovery and worked some steps and had more clarity that my prayers were answered. We were all still living, we were all still upright and while the chaos and drama continued long after I arrived, I was better equipped to either handle it or manage my part/responses.

So, there were many times after I began the program that I tried praying as the program tells us - for God's will in our lives - and certainly began doing this well before I got near Step 11.

Step 11 questions:

How do I define the difference between prayer and meditation?
- Prayer for me is like picking up the phone, dialing 'his' number, and beginning a dialogue. I am focused on the next right thing for my recovery, God's will and I of course make mention all those in need of guidance both inside and outside of recovery. Meditation for me is the quiet time I spend where I am searching out answers from God for my life based on his will, current events and recovery.


Am I willing to try prayer or meditation today?
- Sure - for me, it's no longer optional. I begin my morning with prayer and end my day with prayer. Each time I pray, I try to meditate and both happen through-out the day. I still do fox-hole prayers when I am unsettled or uncomfortable, but they no longer are based on my will, wants or needs. They are now rather based on God's will. The serenity prayer and the Prayer of St. Francis are two that truly keep me focused on right-living and right-sizing if I feel my ego trying to enter the picture.


What can I do to add prayer and meditation to my life today?
- My life today is so very different than before recovery. As I go about my day, especially since I work from home, I take two with me every time I move about my home. One is my Higher Power, God and the other is my rescue dog Layla. As the day progresses, I talk to both at different times, and it is as if I am not alone. When I am happy - I am grateful. When I am troubled - I pray for peace. I no longer feel alone and I no longer feel as if I've been left behind.

Meditation is hard for me, only because quietness makes me nervous. I've always been one who needs noise (music, TV, etc.) to concentrate, so I do better trying to meditate with spiritual music or calming music on. I will admit I am much better at praying than I am at meditating, but I keep trying. I do often take a break mid-day and get quiet/still for a period of time. I have actually napped unintentionally, so I must be relaxed.

I no longer wonder at what happens in my life and why. I accept as best I can and look to learn. Good, bad, indifferent events that happen are happening for a reason. It's my role, on this earth to make the best of each day and each moment and to be part of the solution vs. part of the problem.


How am I willing to be guided today?
- The best guidance I receive today is putting on the breaks or pause. I have always been one who reacts, feeling that the faster I react, the smarter I appear. My first thought is still often 'that', but in recovery, I have been guided to pause, always - not just when agitated - and consider the next right thing to do. I can have a sharp tongue, so this processing for me is full-body, mind, heart, mouth, body, etc.

When I am program-centered, it's easier to stop and think before I speak or act. When I step away from my program routine, I am more likely to slip and then have to make amends. I have no issue with making amends, but I prefer to be a kinder, gentler person who is working to understand vs. be understood. This is where the St. Francis prayer truly matters in my program....it helps me to remember that a spiritual person is seeking to love vs. be loved, seeking to understand vs. be understood, bring harmony & love vs. chaos/drama, etc.


Is something blocking me in this step today?
- Not that I can think of. The biggest obstacle between me and my spiritual program is me. When I begin to feel sorry for myself, compare my insides to others' outsides and/or think that I am 'the only one' then I am moving in the wrong direction. I am trying to keep myself program-centered, so that I can quickly stop these thoughts and/or redirect them to reality.

I do believe that God wants me happy, healthy and whole. I did not think this way before recovery. I truly felt as if I was being punished for the way I lived my life and/or many of the choices I made. While I believed there were natural consequences from all choices, good/bad, I truly felt that I was still being punished and did not know how to turn that corner.

I now feel blessed. My life is not perfect, and it's not supposed to be. Nobody's is, I 'see' that now. All the folks around me who I viewed as having it better were truly just better at dealing with what life presented to them. I am grateful for what I have, what I have gone through and what I hope to experience each day as my outlook has changed. I now view issues as opportunities to grow, obstacles as opportunities to learn and pain as necessary to move forward.


What steps can I reviewed to help me feel connected again?
- When I feel completely disconnected and over-whelmed, my best guidance has been to return to Step 1 - Powerlessness & Manageability (lack of), followed by Step 2 - Believing my HP can restore me from my insanity and then Step 3 - Turning my will/life over to him. The first 3 steps for me are always the answer when I am unable to connect using my daily routine. I do believe that Step 10 is very important as well - I use it for an interim assessment if one situation or one day seems to be feeling 'off'.

When I pray each morning, I ask God to keep me humble reminding me as often as necessary that I am powerless and reliant on him for my daily dose of sanity. I tend to consider Steps 1,2,3 during my morning prayers, and then consider Step 10, 11 at the end of each day.


What do I need to have the power to carry out Gods will for me?
- I need to be humble (teachable) and I need to have open ears, mind and heart. Before recovery, I wasn't an open-minded person and truly felt that my way was the best way. I often acted as if I was listening to others, but truly was formulating my response and my position while they were speaking. I was very self-centered this way and viewed being humble as a sign of weakness.

So, basically I need to remember how my will and my 'way' made me absolutely miserable on a daily basis and very discontent in almost all avenues of my life. I was also very selfish with my knowledge, my time and rarely gave to others. God wants me to be a sponge which means I absorb until I can't absorb any more, and then squeeze it out by sharing with others so I have room to absorb more. My needs are simple and the rewards are plentiful.


Have I asked God to that power?
- I ask God each and every day to allow his will vs. mine to lead me. I ask him to bless me with grace, patience and humility that I may continue to learn and never feel as if I have 'learned it all' again. I ask him to help me be open with all my heart and mind so that I may be a blessing vs. a curse in the lives of others.

When I did my inventory, I did realize that while my intentions were almost always good, my actions and attitudes were often not good - even evil at times. I make sure I thank God each night for my day, the blessings of my day and even any awkward or painful moments in that day.

Do I have a special time and place to pray and meditate? What can I do to create to create one?
- I do - I try to pray each morning before I interact with others and have a step up to my bathtub which allows me like a kneeler! Getting on my knees does seem to help me stay focused on where I am, what I am doing and the act itself. I typically pray and meditate at night after I get settled into my bed. I have difficulties getting to sleep, so being still and reviewing my day with God is a nice start to my relaxation process.

I know of others who actually light candles, have a special spot in their room or home where that is all they do. I guess my kneeler is kind of like that - I certainly do not kneel for anything else. Some of my friends actually have music, literature, books, etc. I tend to read my daily readers while I am running each morning.


What personal spiritual experiences can I draw on to help me improve my conscious contact with HP?
- As a double winner, I can say that I never thought I would see age 50, so my still being alive on this earth is a miracle to me. I made choices that could have and maybe should have ended my life on more than one occasion. Before Al-Anon, there were moments were I actually wanted to die and just could not shake the sadness, despair and isolation I felt. So, when I wake up each day, I am instantly reminded that I should not be here.

Over my time in recovery, there are many small things that have happened that I attribute to God. Those unexpected phone calls when I am feeling very low or sad from program friends, the opportunities to be of service to others when I am bored or uncertain how to spend my day, my willingness to send out positive text messages to friends in pain when I feel pain too - I could go on and on.

I do not look for burning bushes in my life to have proof of God's love. For me, it is the small things that remind me what a great life I have, and what a great moment I am experiencing.

Thanks to all for being here!!! (((Group Hug)))