Step One: Adult Children of Alcoholics

JamesCT · Senior Member

Step One: Adult Children of Alcoholics

mewsician · Member

By the time I found out about Alanon, I felt utterly powerless over just about every aspect of my life. My life had become a total mess, and I was not managing at all. I was drowning. Throughout my life, I've looked at other people and their lives, and wondered why they seemed so at ease and self satisfied. I never or rarely felt at ease or self satisfied. I always felt I had to try so hard to find happiness, but it still eluded me. I felt I had to like everyone and be liked by everyone or else something must be wrong with me. I felt I had to be less than truthful with myself and others, in order to keep the peace and keep everyone happy. I felt that I must do everything I could for the other person, yet I didn't expect the same in return. I've been a total people pleaser, not realizing that many people use, abuse and disdain people pleasers!!!! Bottom Line is, I WAS SO READY FOR THIS STEP!

petrily · Newbie

I have become stuck with people pleasing and hypervigilance. This past year everything that I depended on was taken away. I started ACA in September. By a miracle I found a sponsor in October. I am now looking for community. There r no groups where I live. I am suffering. Life is not working. I have been blessed by the quotes.

hotrod · Guru

Hi Penny This Baord is not too busy as we simply review the Steps.
There is an active ACOA community on the following portion of the Board : acoa.activeboard.com/forum.spark
You will have to re register to post. Please join in.

Miss Jo · Newbie

Actually, I have discovered to my great relief, that being powerless is a plus not a minus. It is a relief to understand, or be reminded that I do not have to control, or fix anything or anyone. I can and get to make my own choices, and that is all. Whew what a load off...of body, mind, and soul. Spirit is lighter too. I loose my grip on other stuff, grab myself and hug! Amen.

Wanted to share something I learned/experienced/watched years and years ago when I was in college. Had an acquaintance, working on a paper, saw then at times in a study area. We were non trad students, meaning we were older and not fresh out of high school. Any way this gal, was upset, regularly by not being able to sit at and use a typewriter she had an affinity for, as it had a comma key that made comma's the size and shape she preferred. After typing each comma, she would use some eraser, or white or other means of removing the comma, or try not to strike it at all...but each and every one had to be redone to her specification. Page after page and her frustration was off the charts. she dropped out the last three weeks of that particular semester. I know she finished up later, but it comes to mind at times. That I am just like that when not working my program well enough. Aren't we all? (OK I speak only for myself alone!) I just wanted to share something that always serves as a reminder for me, of how I can be so lost and grabbing for power and answers against the betterment of myself. In just about three weeks of reworking Step One, I have let go, let my Higher Power have the power, and gone back to the blessings of being powerless.

lorainna · Newbie

I am working on the first step of alanon - it is the only real-in person meeting available to me where I live. I think I also have ACA issues. I feel exactly like this - my life just doesn't seem to work like others' - my dad is gone - but the residue remains! I have three teens - one who is really struggling and i know it is my crappy parenting that contributed to the problem. I am working to focus on my own health and so on and want to sort of work the steps here as well. How does step one differ here from alanon? I started going because my daughter is actually anorexic. She is recovered her weight - but it felt a lot like how I felt with my father in terms of the insanity of dealing with someone who is harming self and hurting those around. I know she has a "disease" in a sense and alanon is helping me with detachment with love with her. But, I am feeling like an empty shell of a person and need to work out the ACA issues from my past. Wish I had done it sooner... before letting this impact my kids. But, here I am. Can you recommend a step book for ACA - I have some confusion about which is the real ACA step book out there....
Thanks

Obscured by Clouds · Newbie

This doesn't seem to be an active thread but I will try here as well as on the main step one thread... to see if I get feedback, maybe different kinds of feedback. I've been going to meetings for a few weeks now and reading some literature. The overall process, the slogans, that all makes sense. The steps I have a more difficult time with. I have realized that my life is unmanageable. I know I need to stop trying to control everything and be perfectly prepared at all times. I know I can use the slogans at specific moments. But I still don't really get what working step one would mean. I make lists of what I can't control... but beyond that I'm at a loss. What does working step one mean to you?

FreedomFromMe · Member

Always heard step 1 isn't about changing anything yet, it's about becoming honest and admitting what we are moving through inside us. In aca i believe this is called sorting the wash ..

FreedomFromMe · Member

know for me seems nothing 'I do works (for long) regardless of my best efforts; my life remains unmanageable beginning with my thinking. I would like to try something different but i think the same over and over again so that piece makes it harder to try something different; I haven't learned different (yet)

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.