ALANON STEP 2 (1-29-16)

hotrod · Guru

ALANON STEP 2 (1-29-16)

kj · Member

Step 2 Questions
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Right now the activity that brings me the most hope that things will be ok is to read. I read the posts online here and the How Al Anon Works book. I have also ordered Courage to Change and One Day at a Time. I have been to one meeting possibly attending my second one tonight and that was also comforting. Again, I cant say that I learned anything new from the one meeting, but the idea and the knowledge that there are others with stories so similar to mine who have sought help and found relief through meetings is what has prompted me to try again.

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?
My idea about what it means to be restored to sanity means that I will no longer feel compelled to police his activities. I will do what makes me happy each day, regardless of his needs. I come first. What he chooses to do, will be his truth, his life, not mine.
Have your expectations about recovery changed?
Recovery doesnt just mean that I am free of all things, people, and places that have caused me grief or stress over the years. Recovery means that I will find new ways to deal with my feelings and how I choose to live my life dictates how I handle grief and stress going forward.
What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?
When I first started thinking about needing help it was because I needed help to get him to stop drinking, to start doing something/anything other than sleeping/passing out, acting foolish, embarrassing me. I was looking for ways that I could help fix him. I know now that I cant do that for him. He has to do it for himself. Only he can change himself. My only job is to fix myself. Only I can change how I react to the world around me. Recovery for me is focusing on my needs and wants and learning to voice those along with my feelings.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?
I grew up Catholic, but I dont practice. I believe in a higher power. I used to pray to God often, but over the last few years I have not. I have not gone to church in a few years, either. Im not sure if thats the place I need to re-connect or not. Something that I will have to spend some time thinking about how I can best spend time talking to or praying to my higher power. Sometimes I feel that I just need time to myself, time to think without distractions where I can focus on me.
Do you believe that Power cares about you? I think I had forgotten about this for a while. Maybe thats why I stopped praying. I felt that I had been put into a position that wasnt fair. Reality is, though, I allowed myself to get into this situation. Time for me to put my faith back into my higher power and to learn new ways to communicate, react, and manage myself in my world.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
I want to continue to read the literature and try to make at least one meeting a week. If I can manage more, then I can do more, but for now, the goal is once a week. Again, spending time focusing on my needs and wants, rather than focusing on what he is or is not doing at any given moment. I want to live my life.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
I would like to make peace with myself. I want to learn how to let it go. Relax. Enjoy life each day. I want to learn to let go of the stress, worry, and anxiety about what the future will bring. I want to learn to focus on my present. I see and hear stories about other people who have done it. I know its something that I will have to work at every single day, but if they can do it, so can I.

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored.
Your goals will be more effective if they center on restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
I want to go out and do more things hiking, kayaking, weekend trips, travel more, hobbies, spend more time with friends & family. I feel like my career is on a good path. Financially I am good. I am healthy. My personal/social life is where I feel I have been lacking. Ive isolated myself from the judgement of others because of my feelings of embarrassment and shame. Ive worried too much about whether he would get angry or jealous of time spent doing things without him. My goal is to worry about what makes me happy each day regardless of whether he is willing or able to do things, too. My happiness depends on me.

-- Edited by kj on Thursday 28th of January 2016 08:20:32 PM

hotrod · Guru

Thank you KJ for posting your thoughts on this powerful Step. It certainly sounds as if your are exploring your definition of HP and on your way to moving forward toward recovery Good work.

KathyRN · Newbie

Step2

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

C2C page 149. I have heard it said that the only valid comparisons between myself as I am and myself as I used to be. When I think this step to the end I see that it suggests that I would be restored to sanity. Such a comparison comes to mind" "our business in life is not to get ahead of others but to get ahead of ourselves."

My Share

As I read this step I see it as a process. The words "came to believe" means, to me that as I work the program by keeping coming back, attending meetings admitting I am powerless I will finally " come to believe" that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

I know this is how it worked for me. When I embraced the First Step, by admitting that I was powerless, I needed to see and accept that there was a Power Greater than myself and the alcoholic that I could trust to help me . I took baby steps in this process and am pleased that I found and felt this Power strong and loving in my life.

Step 2 Questions

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.

Reading recovery literature, working the steps, reading what others have/are going through, and going to online meetings bring me hope and help me believe that things will be ok. My son, my sisters, my friends and my online Alanon community have helped me to believe the most in my future.

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?

Being restored to sanity used to mean having my AD recover from Alcoholism and learn to take care of herself it now means, to me, that I must be the one to change I need to find peace within myself and re learn my behavior of giving her money all of the time, fixing all of her problems and jumping at the drop of a hat

Have your expectations about recovery changed? Dramatically

What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?

That "I" will learn to change "my" response to her demands, not that she will stop demanding.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? I define that power as not only the God the I believe in, but the people and tools that help me to reach my recovery

Do you believe that Power cares about you? Yes, very much so.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you?

I plan to continue attending online meetings, talking things out with my sisters and my friends, reading my literature and also finding some ways to enjoy MY life, For instance my Tia-Chi classes I also plan on not trying to make my daughter listen to what I think she should do

Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Peace within themselves, and peace with how they've dealt with the A in their world

Do you believe it is possible? Yes

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored.

Your goals will be more effective if they center on restoring your own life rather than someone else's

Financially~~ I have stopped giving her money and feel that I can and will restore my financial freedom Peace and calmness~~I plan on working on my meditation and self actualization habits. Health~~I've begun therapy once again and plan to become the best I can possibly be, health wise. Happiness~~I plan on becoming more social and doing more things for me.

hotrod · Guru

Hi Kathy Great responses to Step 2. Thanks for taking the time and sharing your wisdom . Keep on keeping on
You are worth it.
Betty

serenity47 · Member

I am a bit behind in posting but here goes .Step 2. Came to believe that a power greater then ourselves could restore us to sanity. This step for me was easier then step one admitting powerlessness. Once I did that I could easily feel and accept that there is a power greater then myself which takes many forms.
Questions: 1. Activities that bring me hope/help me believe things will be ok? Reading recovery literature, books from recovering addicts, listening to open speakers and or tapes online, message board, meetings.
2. How ideas have changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? First I had to recognize that I was acting insanely in response to the disease. I recognize now that the focus needs to be back on myself the only place it is going to do any good. My life my values my interests and dreams are what is my business nothing else. As I pursue these my sanity is returning. My expectations about recovery have changed in that I accept and embrace that it will be life long not a set time span.
3. For now how do you define a power greater then yourself? For me a power greater then myself is fellow people in recovery, nature, and God. I can feel the presence and just know that he/she is there.
4. Reasonable plan of self care: Meetings once a week, daily readers, yoga weekly, walks twice week, meditation.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Living one day at a time is the biggest one for me. Enjoying the moment vs waiting for the other shoe to drop! Relinquishing control.
6. Areas that I would like to be restored? Return to my career which I put on the back burner due to stress. Increased socialization as had isolated terribly due to shame and simple exhaustion. More engaged in marriage and general immersion in my own interests and life.

hotrod · Guru

Serenity Thank you for your well thought out honest response to the many questions regarding this powerful Step It does sound as if you are on your way--- so please do keep coming back as Step 3 will be posted tomorrow.

Lesley · Newbie

I never had a problem believing there was a power greater than myself. I did, however, have a problem with joining all those crazy church people who were busy telling me how and what to believe. I did notice about them that they seemed very confident and had a certain look about them but I passed it off to clean living rather than faith. As for being restored to sanity, it never crossed my mind that I was insane. Everyone else was, though, because they didn't see how great I was because I controlled everything about the alcoholic and about our lives. I really thought I was something great doing it all by myself. What a crazy way to live...I see that now.

Step 2 Questions

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.

I love going to meetings. I love talking to people and hearing their stories. I love that they are progressing and week after week I can see how relaxed they are becoming and how happy they are starting to act. I'm not sure I look the same, but something must be working for me because I'm learning to feel calmer. I also love reading the literature - I love learning and there is so much learning to do in Al Anon.

Who has helped me most to believe in my future?

My Al Anon people have - they understand how devastating alcoholism can be to a family, they understand me.

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?

Well, since I could never see how insane I was, there was no need to be restored. Now I see how crazy everyone must have thought I was and I believe in my heart that I need restoring.

Have your expectations about recovery changed?

I though recovery was just for the addict. I guess I was kind of an addict since I was addicted to my insane behaviors. I am trying not to expect anything anymore but I have come to see that I need recovery as much as the next guy.

What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?

I just want to keep going in the right direction hoping that one day my Al Anon tools will be second nature. That's my expectation of recovery.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?

I call mine God for want of a better word. I don't believe in the long gown white haired guy but I know there is something there. A force that is working for me and with me to mold my life in my best interests.

Do you believe that Power cares about you?

Yes I do.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you?

Meetings, readings, sponsorship. I want to learn to share better and to really open up to others. I have a hell of a time with that, I am still believing that if it looks right on the outside, things are ok on the inside. I am slowly learning that to show vulnerability brings people closer - I want to learn to trust that.

Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?

Do you believe it is possible?

Trust. I would like to start to trust again. To trust myself - somewhere I lost the ability to trust myself. I do believe this is possible.

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored.

Trust / Friendship / Authenticity / Honesty / Peace of Mind - I really want peace of mind.

Your goals will be more effective if they center on restoring your own life rather than someone elses.

I believe that if I can learn to trust, to be a good friend, to be honest and authentic and to have peace of mind, that I will attract people with the same qualities. I really would like to learn to trust others again and if I get hurt, then so be it. If I can always be true self and if I feel I have done my very best, then I will be able to live with that.

crau · Newbie

Believing in a higher power is difficult for me. I recognize I have no control over anything, but allowing myself to put trust into a higher power is difficult for me. I have to trust that something will restore my sanity--but I believe that it is only me that can do that and no one else; not even that higher power we all talk about.

Step 2 Questions

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.

going to meetings, talking with my friends, having dinner with my dad, reading

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?

Have your expectations about recovery changed?

What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?

I thought that if the alchohlic was out of my life, my sanity would be restored.

I am learning that I have work to do on myself and it has nothing to do with him.

I expected to learn about how I could change myself so that I could be a better partner for the alchohlic in my life. Now I know that I am learning to change myself so that I can be a better ME in my life.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?

Do you believe that Power cares about you?

Right now, a power greater than myself is my gut instinct. If I follow it, I'm usually right. If I don't, I have chaos.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you?

Continue to work the program, accept that I am the only one that has power over my life, connecting with friends and those in my meetings.

Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?

Do you believe it is possible?

Focus to be on themself and not the alchohlic. I hope so.

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. my emotions, my thoughts, my sanity.

hotrod · Guru

Hi Crau Thanks for your honesty I too had doubts and keep showing up anywayand using the tools. I found, as you said:" Only I could restore me to sanity", if I continued to practice this program and trust the process. By so doing, I found a trust in a Power Greater than myself. Keep coming back,

mewsician · Member

I really enjoy answering these questions! When I re-read my answers, I get more insight as to where I came from and where I could be going. When I read other's answers, I learn more about others and myself, our differences and similarities.

Step 2 Questions

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Reading literature! Learning so much about a subject I used to know Nothing about. Learning that I have options and what they are!

Meetings! Amazing sharing from others, who have such interesting and varied points of view and answers.

Praying and Meditation! Making Healthy new friendships!

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?

I was definately insane, needing restoration. Now I realize it's a growth process, and I'm still in the restoration process.

Have your expectations about recovery changed?

Yes! I expect I can have the life I've always wanted and dreamed about, but I must recover in order to obtain that. It is not a given.

What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?

1) I didn't think I could fully recover, but I now see I can and must!

2) I expect that it could take some time & it's not to be rushed. It's a growth process & will take as long as it takes, no more & no less.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? The Holy Trinity: God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Do you believe that Power cares about you? Yes! They created me! They are for me, and count the hairs on my head!

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you?

Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

Continue using all tools, enjoying my favorites, trying new ones and adding to my evolutionary repertoire.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?

Some have grown more self satisfied and comfortable in their own skin. Some have become more loving toward themselves and others. Some have become less critical of themselves and others. Some have been able to stay happy with their AH, regardless. Some have found the strength to leave and begin a new happier life for themselves. All have grown in maturity and love.

Do you believe it is possible? YES!

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored.

Self confidence, Understanding, Cooperation, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Joy, Love, Peace.

Your goals will be more effective if they center on restoring your own life rather than someone elses.

hotrod · Guru

Mewsician- Thank you for joining and sharing our thought on this powerful Step. I agree, answering the questions and reading eveyone else's thoughts helps to clarify the step and increases my recovery. Please keep coming back

Overcomer · Member

My Share

I just shared My Step One, which I actually wrote yesterday and for some reason it didn't post. When I came on today and logged on it was miraculously there!! Thanks HP!! So on to Step Two...

Step 2 Questions

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.

As my second Alcoholic Ex-Husband used to say, "I'm ok, you're ok." I hated that. LOL Because it made me think that my "ok-ness" was somehow linked to him. What activities bring me hope and help me believe things are OK and will be OK? Meetings, reading literature, going to conferance, sponsoring, chairing, volunteering in any capacity.

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?

I didn't used to think I was insane (when I first came into al-anon 20+ years ago. Now I know different! LOL )

Have your expectations about recovery changed?

Hmmm... this is a good question. I'm not sure. Maybe I actually expect more than I used to, because I actually recognize how insane I was. When you don't know you have a problem, you don't expect change. biggrin

What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?

Same as I answered above.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?

Do you believe that Power cares about you?

Funny, I just got done chairing the Sunday morning meeting today (2-13-16) on this topic: "Who is HP to you?"
I do believe in a HP, and I define him as a loving, caring, benevolent God.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you?

Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

I think getting involved in a local f2f Al-Anon group is a good idea for me. I just recently moved to a new state, so I would benefit from getting to know the new people in this area, in that way.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?

Be happy, joyous and free!

Do you believe it is possible?

Yes! smile

hotrod · Guru

Hi Lisa Thanks for your clarity and your willingness to share this journey I appreciate your wisdom.

thompfam · Newbie

Step 2 Questions

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.

Definitely attending meetings and hearing members share their experiences. I love how this program has helped members find peace in their lives where they never thought there could or would be. I like reading the literature and I do find it to be helpful most of the timebut honestly sometimes I overthink it and it becomes overwhelming. I want so desperately to apply the principles and suggestions and get immediate results. Its frustrating, but I know that its a process and I know I need to be patient.

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed?
What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?

Well, as mentioned in the first question, my expectations about my recovery has changed. It is a process, something that will take time and work on my part. I like knowing that acceptance does not mean that you have to learn to be okay with others choices but learning how to deal with them, on my terms. That I can change the way I let it affect me.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?
Do you believe that Power cares about you?

Jesus is the Power greater than me and I believe with all my heart and soul that he loves and cares about me. Also, I have come really appreciate members of MIP and somewhat look up to them as a form of a HP.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you?
Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

Continue attending meetings and reading. I must remember to be patience with myself and others. Learn to rely more on my HP for guidance and strength when making decisions and choices. Remember I am striving for progress not perfection in my life and, being okay when bad days come.
I like know that surrendering to this disease does not mean I have to be a doormat to disrespectful behavior. But that I can surrender myself to my HP and let Jesus take the wheel.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?

I find it incredibly awe-inspiring that MIP members know so much about themselves. To hear from them how much they have grown spiritually and emotionally through the ups and downs that life throws our way. The strength and wisdom that comes from their words they share. I cant find the words to express how deeply I am affected by the power of grace and humility I feel exude from these women and men.

Do you believe it is possible?

Yes, with time.it has to, because I dont ever want to feel so hopeless, helpless and desperate again

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored.
Your goals will be more effective if they center on restoring your own life rather than someone else.

Making decisions and standing firm in those decisions. Knowing my limits and what I will and will not tolerate.
Meeting more people in the Al Anon community in my area, which would mean I have to step out of my comfort zone, so defiantly some self-confidence.
Taking more time for myself and not feeling guilty about it. Finding out exactly what my serenity looks like.
I know I have always had a wonderful relationship with my HP but I think its been one that I have taken for granted. So, I want to live by the Serenity Prayer and Al Anon slogans. Here are a few of my favoritesLet Go and Let God, Easy Does It, Just for Today, Together we can Make It and Live and Let Live

I have to say I really enjoyed answering these questions..makes me feel like there is hope.

hotrod · Guru

Thompfam, Thanks for sharing with such wisdom and honesty. Please keep coming back and working the Steps, as these are the basic tools that enabled me to look inward and discover who I was and thereby regain some self esteem. I also was able to see my defects and accept that I am human and have assets as well.

Keep coming back

Hope4Healing · Newbie

Step 2 Questions

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future. Meditation brings me most hope, often saying a prayer to a HP and asking for guidance and then meditation on signs received or quotes I read. Talking with people with similar experiences helps me know I'm not alone. My close extended family and spouse and younger daughter help me believe in a future, as do friends and people from Alanon.

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?

Have your expectations about recovery changed? Yes, I came here because I knew people who attended Alanon to help them live with or deal with the alcoholics in their lives. Though my AD's attacks were something new, and I've dealt with it only two months now, I didn't like the negative feeling and adrenaline and fear running through my body when my AD called or texted with angry rants. I was afraid the stress would affect my health and I also wanted to learn how to say the right things in response. My AD has shifted from angry blaming to saying she wants to end her relationship with her family. I'm now thinking of recovery, not as finding ways to help her or say the right things to her, but to help me move on with life with the possibility of my AD no longer in my life. To learn not to feel guilty about being an imperfect parent and to recognize all the good qualities we provided that are being rejected (without feeling rejected in the process!).

What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering? I'm expecting that recovery is more about healing myself than my AD. This is hard because as a parent I've always been the one to pick up the pieces, and as a parent, I tend to feel responsible for things going wrong in my adult child's life. I expect recovery might be about realizing what I didn't cause and can't control or cure. (I'm not there yet.)

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? I wasn't raised with a formal religion but was raised with spirituality. I believe a HP is the energy of love and the creator of what is good and beautiful in the world.

Do you believe that Power cares about you? Yes, I believe the HP cares about me, though I have a tendency to think there will be limits to how much a HP will do. To apologize when I ask for help (again). A part of me smiles when I do that because I don't think of a HP as limited or petty. I do trust the HP, often wishing for clearer direction, but trying to remain faithful in the love and goodwill. Trying to be patient. It's only when I let go of the "trying" that I feel a sense of peace.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? I think I need the reassurance that Alanon offers and that I get from talking to people with similar experiences. I need to allow myself time to forget the hurt of my AD's withdrawal and laugh and enjoy what I love without guilt and sadness that my child is hurting or angry somewhere, or even resentment that she might be happy with her choices that are so far from mine. (This last is probably an answer to one of the above!) I need to pursue my interests as a writer and nature-lover and find a way back to the beauty and goodwill I wanted to project and share in my writing.

Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?

Do you believe it is possible? I see people living more at peace with the situation, whatever it is. I believe it is possible if I can let go of the responsibility I feel toward my AD.

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored.

Your goals will be more effective if they center on restoring your own life rather than someone elses. I would like to be able to laugh and have fun without constant worry. I would like to be able to write wholeheartedly again, with joy and passion. I would like my spouse and I to move into retirement together with new adventures rather than hanging sadness.

hotrod · Guru

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on this important Step, Hope4 Healing.
I am happy we are sharing this journey.

awakening · Newbie

Thank you for Step 2 and your take on it.

Step 2 Questions

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.

Working the steps, makes me feel like Im getting better and workign to get the tools needed to live a spiritual life. contact with my higher power makes me feel that everything is happening for a reason too big for me to see and trust that I wont get anything i cant handle and that wont give me a gift of more awareness and growth. My meetings, the people in them, Im so grateful for that.

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?

Have your expectations about recovery changed?

What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?

being restored to sanity was obvious to me at the beginning of my journey because I was insane, my thinking was distorted and it was easier to discard much of my belief systems because they were not based on reality and rational thought. Its harder now because Im much more sane and my thinking has greatly improved but my perfectionism prevents me from accepting much of my faults or shortcomings and I seem to strive for perfect recovery in myself and others and this is again insane distorted thought processes, so I still have much to work on.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?

Do you believe that Power cares about you?

A power greater than myself is getting harder to define the more I believe in it. Sometimes I have an image of a person in the sky looking down and looking after me, other times it feels like its life itself and is inside me and every living thing, like nature. Sometimes I see it in objects like a tree, its a power greater than me.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you?

Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

A reasonable plan of self care

1. Keep working through the steps as honestly as possible

2. Keep talking things through with my sponsor, call more often

3. Keep up with my service work, giving helps me keep it.

4. Attend my home meeting every week but also get in another meeting or too, get out and about and keep seeking it out.

5. Work towards a deeper relationship with my higher power, daily contact thorugh prayer, letter, email

6. Do a little bit of recovery work every day, even for half an hour, meditate on a reading or a slogan or another piece of literature.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?

Do you believe it is possible?

Others have gained emotional sobriety, which seems to be a higher level of spirituality and growth. So although I have came a long way since joining this program 4 years ago, I need to work through the steps seriously and work through accepting me, all of me and practicing bahaviour over and over that i approve of.

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored.

Your goals will be more effective if they center on restoring your own life rather than someone elses.

'Restored' so i think this means I had sanity and lost it. Is it talking about childhood? I want to have my tolerance restored and be able to see people for the wonderful things they are, I have had a taste of this and its amazing to be so open hearted and feel love and care and kindness and really enjoy people as they are in the moment instead of taking their inventory in my mind and thinking when they become this or behave that way then i could like them or enjoy them. I want tolerance for myself too, to accept all parts of me and to love and enjoy being me good and bad. I tend to want restored now and want perfection which is impossible so i would like to like myself as i am in this moment.

Thank you for reading this and taking the time to give feedback, you are brilliant Hotrod.x

hotrod · Guru

Good work on Step 2 Awakening . Keep on keeping on--The Steps are the key to recovery.
You are having an "Awakening" each time you respond in such a thoughtful manner to these questions. aww
Betty

keg302 · Newbie

1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Going to meetings and talking with people in recovery has already proved itself to be incredibly helpful in bringing me hope and clarity. It is such a wonderful thing to be around people who know what you're going through and give you unconditional love and support. I have not yet read much literature (still waiting for my books to arrive) but I am looking forward to reading more. My sponsor Sara and a woman I met in my second meeting have both already given me so much hope. They have helped me see my situation with more clarity, as well as how I can approach my life going forward, to be freed from my anxiety, to be able to have better relationships, to deal with the impact of someone else's alcoholism in my life, whether past, present or future. I have also found that keeping myself busy with work, writing, exercise and other activities have gotten me out of a funk. When I have an open day with nothing planned I just have too much time to think!!

2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?
I didn't really believe that there was a way to negotiate the anxiety I found myself crippled by so often. I thought that maybe if I went to enough therapy and talked about it enough, I would develop the tools to become a more content and sane person. I am currently in a situation that had me in a VERY dark place until I started going to meetings and learning how to cope with things constructively, and when to allow fate / a higher power to intercede. I now know that the tools are about changing patterns of thought and behavior, which is not something you get from therapy. Fortunately, it is something you can achieve if you do the work - go to meetings, work the steps, learn from other's experiences and the program itself.

Have your expectations about recovery changed?
I have learned not to expect miracles, but sometimes they will be given to you when you need them most. I didn't really think I would be able to recover from some of the things I've experienced, but have already found myself pleasantly surprised by a little shift in thinking and taking positive action. Truly living by the serenity prayer - the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. For me that is huge. I cannot change anyone but myself. I also need to remember that recovery is not a race - it's a process that can sometimes take years, but you just have to keep chipping away at it. Right now my heart is so open to making those positive changes that I am finding it very easy to accept, develop and get clarity, but I know this will not always be the case as I work my way through the program. I just know that since I have started, my suffering has decreased so drastically that I want to just keep going!

What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you began recovering?
Since this has all happened so quickly, I am not sure enough time has elapsed for me to answer this. When I started going to meetings a few weeks back, I figured it would just be cathartic to talk to others who had experienced similar things in their lives and had found constructive ways to cope and heal. I now know that the program means so much more than that, and involves a lot of introspection. Years of therapy have fortunately taught me how to examine my feelings and actions without hesitation, which has proved very helpful in beginning the recovery process. I know that this will not always feel good or easy, but I trust the steps and the program and know that if I really work them, I will find relief.

3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?
As a non religious person, and someone who is in fact fairly averse to organized religion, the idea of God, or even a higher power, sheerly based on name alone, is kind of a turn off. For me, the power that is greater than myself is fate. It feels almost cosmic. And of late, it has been giving me what I need with a precision that is rather stunning. Because of this, I've begun to trust in the unknown - that fate will provide for me the answers I seek, all in due time. Not only that, but especially when my relationship is concerned, fate brought us together and if we are meant to be together again, fate will do its work and make that happen. It is actually very soothing to relinquish control to my higher power, because I know that nothing I do outside of myself can change my situation.

Do you believe that Power cares about you?
Very much so. Every time I have needed answers to questions that had me spinning, or when I decided to take matters into my own hands, fate has interceded and provided me with something, even a small something, that allowed me to have more clarity and pull me out of my dark thoughts.

4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you?
For me, self care is multi-faceted; I must take care of myself physically. I'm an athlete, so making sure I get a lot of physical activity in is very important to keeping my mind from going into the dark and questioning place it is generally inclined to go. Going to meetings will help to keep my head in the game. Meeting weekly with my sponsor to discuss my recovery will also be very important. Remembering that this is a process and that there is no quick fix.

Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?
I have seen the power of believing that something greater than yourself - as a non religious person I initially found this aspect of recovery but now realize how important it is. I see that being able to just let things go, and let fate handle the rest allows for you to continue living, and to start to achieve sanity again. I have also seen others use the tools they've learned in recovery to help gain insight and clarity into their situations.

Do you believe it is possible?
Without a doubt!

6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored.
I would like to find a way to feel less lonely, whether I am in a relationship or not. I would also like to have better relationships - ones less based on need and more based on communication, equality and support. I would also like to get rid of the fear I have about being alone or abandoned, which is my biggest trigger and defect.

Your goals will be more effective if they center on restoring your own life rather than someone else's.

hotrod · Guru

Hello Keg Thanks for sharing your recovery here . Your honesty an dedication to recovery helps each of us on this journey. Please do keep coming back

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.