Over many years of marriage to a binge-drinker, turning AH, I became ever-more suspicious, fearful, controlling and Stuck!  I made myself believe I somehow deserved a less than happy life, and that God wanted me to "suck it up" and keep my nose to the Grindstone.  A cascade of powerful life events took me down to till I thought I was drowning.  Luckily, Jesus whispered in my ear.  He told me to check out some Christian TV channels.  Every morning I got up early and listened to the messages of various preachers.  I cried and cried, realizing how I'd lost myself, how desperate and dis-heartened I was, and wondering if & how I could get myself back.  Somehow, in all my life I'd never been introduced to the subject of Alcoholism, and knew NOTHING about it.  I began searching on my PC, found some helpful blogs, and somehow stumbled onto the local Alanon website.  Once I knew there were live meetings that I could attend, I knew I had to get to some, and find out how to make myself feel better.  I was strongly co-dependent, and it took a few weeks for me to un-guilt myself enough to attend that first meeting, but I needed to share my feelings SO badly!  I was Amazed that others had feelings and experiences so similar to mine!  It felt like a Magic door had opened for me!  I'd go to meetings every day if I could, but I live in a rural area, so I'm thrilled to add this Online site to my tools.  I've been soaking up the learning like a sponge, devouring the literature, and the 12 Steps are also Magical to me.  It's interesting how you phrase that:  " like many traps, struggling against it is what keeps you trapped".  I'm just beginning to see how over time, I've knotted myself up like a pretzel!  I wanted to blame my AH, but I now see clearly that I've done this to myself!  My wounded inner child does the same things over and over, though it never get's a better result!  I Must and I Will get Free of my Self bondage, and if I can do that, then I can free myself from other bondages and avoid more bondage in the future.  As a blessed and beloved child of God, I MUST be happy and free to become my Best self, so I can reflect his love and message to others.  I deserve it and so does he!