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Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step 7 (11-28-2016)


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Alanon Step 7 (11-28-2016)


Step 7  Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings

 Courage to change, page 295

 "after years of asking only for a particular solution to a problem, such as, please make the alcoholic stop drinking. I need to learn a better way to ask for help. Today I will meditate for a few minute on what I need, and then I will ask a power greater than myself to help me with it. "Even if we have struggled with the idea of a. Higher power. We have learned that asking for help works."

 

MY SHARE

It is very important to slowly read the words of the step in order to appreciate   what we need to do .

 "humbly : is a  huge  word  and one that I really did not understand N until I  began to work this  program.   finally came down to for me  was that  I realized and accepted  that I was powerless  and that I then needed to rely on a power greater than myself  in order to recover . I know that many times  before program I tried to change my attitudes , PRACTICED MINDFULNESSG,meditation  , and many other  different tools  which worked for a while And  THEN I ALWAYS REVERTED BACK TO my old behavior .  I WAS  truly pOWERLESSS OVER THESE DEFECTS AND THAT TRY AS I MIGHT I COULD NOT REMOVE THEM. I COULD NOT CHANGE PERMANATELY I COULD CHANGE BEHAVIOR FOR A MOMENT, AN HOUR, A DAY BUT NOT FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD. IF I WAS POWERLESS THEN IT WAS EASY TO BE HUMBLE and I SIMPLY RECOGNIZE THAT I CANNOT, HE CAN SO I Will LET HIM.

 Another huge word  in this very short  step  is the word :"ASKING"   while I was working  the steps up to this point  I UNCOVERED THE FACT THATS it was very very hard for me to ask for anything -- , I always thought that if I asked for things I was not  going to receive them.  Instead my need would be used to control me as in childhood. So here we are, we have to ask  HP for help  in removing   my negative characteristics . I always smile at the fact that  THIS PROGRAM  and HP are SO extremely wise because if it was left up to me to remove my shortcomings   I would've chosen all the wrong ones ,isaw my  assets as defects  and would have attempted to c remove them . You see I saw the fact that I was kind and generous compassionate  as a negative  and that was what caused all my trouble.

 

 The truth was that these were the cornerstones  of my new life And my assets,upon which   I was going to build I a successful positive  life.

So I  humbly asked  HP to remove my shortcomings  and trusted  that this would be accomplished  after this  I continued to work my program  and much to my surprise found myself responding  differently. I situations that once baffled  me - I found myself thinking  differently and when I stopped reacting and waited the words that surfaced were  perfect responses. Thank you HP. Today I know  that I have a higher power who is all-powerful  and when I identify a defect  I can humbly ask for it to be removed and trust the process.

Step 7 questions

What does humility mean to me

?  list a few people I know who possess this 

 

What are your fears about changing? 
 


5. How have you already seen yourself changed and how much of this did you actually have to do with it? 


6. How much of this change were you empowered to do? 



7. Are you ready to ask your Higher Power to help you change those things in yourself and in your life that need changing? 


8. Can you picture yourself as you would like to become? 
Explain: 



9. Can you honestly and humbly ask your Higher Power to help you become that person? 
Explain: 
Good Luck with this important Step


 






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Betty


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Since my early sponsor gave me his definition of humbly I have not ceased to use it myself.  It fits and has worked the best in my spirit.   Humble or humbly means being teachable which is a daily focus of mine not only in the meetings or program and also in my whole life...there are many good teachers out there for me to lean on.

I have no fear about changing as I focus my efforts and thoughts on right consequences and my relationship with HP and others.  I won't let anything come in the way of doing the RIGHT THING.

I Very rarely react to life as I use to when the disease raged in my own life.  I did not like those behaviors and did not like feeling the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual sickness that came as a result of it.   What I did was humbly accept the examples, experiences, strengths and hope of the membership of the fellowship and then enacted the rule of practice, practice, practice.  It really does work when I work it.

My Higher Power and the fellowship empowered all of the changes I have made during my walk in program.

Every day when I get ready to leave bed and start my service to others I ask my HP to "Place me where you want me....tell me what to do".   I'm ready.



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Dear Jerry Thanks for sharing your invaluable experience with this important step. Sharing the journey with you has been a great gift

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Betty


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I constantly work on this step. I think looking at myself and my short comings never stops. When I started Alanon I was at a place where I let others make decisions and I felt like victim in my own life. A good example was going along with my husband even when I felt it was so wrong because he was the 'man of the house.' Or not going to college, or doing something I wanted and then blaming someone else for why I didn't do what I wanted. When I finally reached a point that I HAD to CHANGE. I looked at what I wanted in my life, at who I wanted to be and asked my higher power to help me. I worked on taking ownership for my actions. I finally went back to school, I am finishing my RN and applying for grad school next year. Even though I accomplish something huge for me, I am still working on this sometimes. I caught myself just today getting resentful I was letting someone else make my decisions. Another student was taking over things I was working on or making decisions that affected me. I was stewing and then about to just accept it and be a victim. But then I had to stop, take a breath and recognize this old behavior and way of thinking coming back. The new behavior I want is being direct, knowing what I want, and being active in attaining my needs. (not just fixing things for someone else or allowing myself to be controlled) I talked directly to the other student, explained how their action made me feel. Then I proceeded with a course of action that was in my interest. This step also helps me recognize when I am being stupid and fix it. lol

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~Rinn


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Dear Rinn, How great that you have returned to school and are pursing your dreams. I am happy for you.
I agree that the Steps and this program work when we work them. Humbly asking HP to remove my shortcomings allowed my positive, deeply buried assets to surface so I could rebuild my life with courage, and wisdom Please do keep sharing the journey

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Betty


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What does humility mean to me?

To me it means a lack of arrogance.  A recognition that I am no better or worse than the next person. 

I do know some people who are consistently humble.  And they seem more content and sweet spirited.

What are your fears about changing?

My biggest fear is that it won't make a difference.  I have tried over and over to change with little lasting effect.

How have you already seen yourself changed and how much of this did you actually have to do with it?

The main change is in how I perceive situations.  I no longer jump in head first and try to fix things.....I pause and reflect on my part in the situation.  I am learning when I have no part to just walk away.  God and this program have taught me this.

How much of this change were you empowered to do?

All of the change comes with power from God and good program.

 



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Kim C


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Hello Kim I again,can identify I tried and tried to change myself with little lasting success. That is why this Step is so very important--We surrendered control, became humble and are now asking the all powerful HP to do for us what we could not do for ourselves. It works
Nice share.

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Betty


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I got interrupted in the middle of these questions so here are the rest.

Are you ready to ask your Higher Power to help you change those things in yourself and in your life that need changing?

I am.  And I have already started.

Can you picture yourself as you would like to become? Explain

I can picture myself as I think I would like to become. I'm sure that will change with time in recovery.  For now I would like to become less judgmental, more trusting, and more patient.  I would truly like to take one day at a time without worrying about tomorrow.

Can you honestly and humbly ask your Higher Power to help you become that person?

Yes, I can.  I can ask God to help me become all that he wants me to be and I am sure those things are on His list as well.  



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Kim C


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Thanks again Kim your dedication is impressive

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Betty


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Ive been a bit behind schedule on writing these steps, but now Im back in action.

 

Betty, thank you for so clearly explaining this step.  It is deceptively simple. It is enlightening to read the C2C quote, stating that I need to learn a better way to ask for help,  to meditate on what I need  and then ask for help with it.

 

What does humility mean to me.  List a few people I know who possess this.

Humility means recognizing that there are powers greater than me.  Someone in my Alanon home group is displaying humility.  I see her consciously changing, working her program 200%, accepting suggestions from her sponsor and others, recognizing her defects and working to change them, being honest, using the Al-Anon program and other resources to support her recovery. She knows she cannot do it alone.  Sometimes she is down, but picks herself back up.  (And no, this person is not me.)

 

What are your fears about changing?

Fear of the unknown.  I know what happens when I stay the same. What will happen if I do things differently? I might have some fear that people wont like me if I am more assertive, or really just that I dont know what will happen, as I have not done this before.

How have you already seen yourself changed and how much of this did you actually have to do with it?

This is a great question.  I have changed, and it was caused by things beyond my control.  It was caused by what I have been through none of which I consciously chose or asked for. The change is having enough self-respect to put myself first.  I had to change or go crazy with anxiety and grief.   

How much of this change were you empowered to do?

I wasnt sure of the meaning of this question, so I looked up the definition of empowered.  I found a definition that empower means to promote the self-actualization or influence of.    The pain I have been through is what is promoting my self-actualization. Thanks to the program, it is making me a better person, not worse.  I am becoming my true self.

 

I also like the word influence.  Influence is different than power.  Power comes from having a position of authority. Someone with power can command something to happen, and it will happen. But we know we do not have this kind of power over alcoholism or alcoholics (or many other people and things).  Influence is more subtle, and has to do with relationships, knowledge, and skill. I believe I was never given power.  But as a result of painful experience, I am learning to promote my self-actualization and influence.  

Are you ready to ask your Higher Power to help you change those things in yourself and in your life that need changing?

Yes!  

Can you picture yourself as you would like to become?

I would like to become wise,  serene, and kind.  Wise means to know what is important and within my control.  Serene means to let go of things that are not important or not within my control. One of my yoga teachers says the secret to yoga is not what you can do, but what you can let go.  (I sure hope this helps me get better at yoga postures, or at least not lose what Ive got so far.)  Kind means to love and help others exactly as they are, not as I wish them to be.  It also means to ask respectfully for help when I need it.

Can you honestly and humbly ask your Higher Power to help you become that person?

Yes, every frickin day (see, a tiny bit of anger is still there), one day at a time.

 



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Freetime Great responses to this important step  .  Thank you for sharing this journey. 



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Betty
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