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Post Info TOPIC: Step 3 alanon (4-2-2017)


Guru

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Date:
Step 3 alanon (4-2-2017)


 

Step Three

 

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

  

 

Reading in the C2C page 350

 

There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way would like. But the program has shown me God's will is the only way, it is up to me to work with him and turned my life and will over to his care and guidance

 

  

 

My share

 

I love the wisdom of the steps and the traditions because of  the intelligently  chosen words .  These direct the path that I can follow. This step really only  asks that I  make a decision.  I do not have to know how to turn my will and life over(which I did not at first), I just needed to accept the fact that there is a Power greater than myself, that I am powerless over people places and things and that if I try to put myself under the guidance of this Higher Power, I will find serenity and peace.  When I finally accepted these facts, I had actually no problem in making the decision asked for in step three.  I have found that simple"Acceptance" is the key to each step an recovery.

 

 
Step  Three questions

 

 

 

 If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?

3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?

What would you say or do?

What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently?

What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?

5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?

 If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?

 



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Betty


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Making the decision to turn my life and will over to HP was a hard one for me. I felt that HP had demonstrated over and over again that HP was not to be trusted. But, when I looked at those same events from a different perspective, I realized that I could chose to focus on what didn't work out as I wanted and blame HP for it, or I could focus on what went right and see HP at work there. Reflecting back, when I tried to force something to happen, it usually didn't work out. If I just followed opportunities that became open to me, that is when things fell perfectly into place. I decided that fighting for what I thought I wanted wasn't really working out for me, and it would be better to stop trying to force things to happen, and instead to observe where HP was opening doors for me, and walk through them. This approach has actually worked out really well for me. It seems that HP can be trusted, after all.

----------------------------------------------------

1. If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?

I would sit back, and let HP point out which direction I should move in. It actually feels kind of freeing to be able to sit back and experience life instead of worrying about what will happen next.

2. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?

I would stop blaming myself when things don't go as I think they should. I would stop taking responsibility for situations that I cannot control.

3. What would you say or do?

I think I would say less. I Would let people make their own choices. I would say things like "Have you thought about..." instead of "You should..." when I Feel that something needs to be said. I would spend less time thinking about how other people are behaving and spend more time thinking about how I can best use my day.

4. What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

I would stop worrying about things I cannot control. I would dedicate time to my hobbies and taking care of things that will make my life better. A silly one, perhaps, but I would stop piling laundry in my bathroom, things to donate in my workroom, and actually take the time to organize my space so that I can find what I need instead of letting it serve as a "catch all" for the too-many-things my wife brings home and doesn't want or cannot find a space for.

5. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently?

I would have a clean and organized house. And I would clean the house each week so the fur-bunnies don't collect in the corners. I would spend more time gardening, and I would spend less time avoiding being home while the neighbors are building their new house.

6. What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?

Today I would do a few sinkfulls of dishes and carefully fish the shattered glass out of the water bath caner. (2 of my jars broke during caning yesterday) I would spend a few hours getting "caught up" on household chores so I can relax for the rest of the week without feeling as though there were something that I really needed to be doing. I would feel more at peace, more even in emotions.

7. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?

honestly, on edge. There are some things, like cleaning the house, doing dishes, etc. that I have left go for the past month, and I feel on edge because I cannot stand the mess anymore. Or, the neighbor's construction, would be fine, but it is a 7 days a week project at the moment, and escaping the noise and commotion is needed. So, I might wish to clean the house or work in my garden, but the construction situation drives me to spend time away from home just so I am away from the generator and pounding. The most annoying part, perhaps, is my wife's insistence on commenting on and complaining about the noise. I try to get us both up and out when it gets especially loud so I don't have to deal with her bad mood. That is short-term, though. They should be done building in a few more months (making the project last a year) and I expect things to quiet down a bit more then.

8. If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?

I would be spending more time at home painting, gardening, etc. and I think I would feel more accomplished. I would also be feeling less on-guard, because I would be able to be at home without worrying about unexpected noises and commotions.

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Guru

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Date:

Hi Skorpi,Thank you for sharing with such honesty. I can readily identify with not being willing to trust HP because of past experiences.  Al-Anon says changed thatand and this is the one area where my attitude changed drastically,the more I attended meetings.  You see I would always pray for my will to be done and when it wasn't, I would become angry with HP. In this step, we become willing to pray for knowledge of HP's will which is our was a whole different ball game.  I love how you expressed your changed attitudes as well as your responses to the questions. Thanks for sharing the journey.



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Betty


Veteran Member

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Posts: 27
Date:

My Share:

As I review this step, I realize that I may have made it a bit harder than I needed to on my first time through; no surprise as I did that with many things in my life, trying to make things perfect before moving forward.

Step 3 took a long time as I worked through many negative feelings about any god concept: raised with a harsh god concept, rejected that at the cost of losing contact with my entire extended family and everyone I knew, and a developed belief in god was a cop out for the weak and impressionable.

I did not take 'turning my life and my will' over to someone/thing else lightly, especially with what it meant to me with my early life experience. I relate well to the third share of ESH in the Paths to Recovery book on Step 3, where I felt it important at the time to see if it was possible to develop a higher power for myself that made sense, that I could seriously and sincerely be willing to turn my life and will over to.

I continued to work on other aspects of the program, finally found a higher power, and started working it into my program work. I am so glad I hung in there and kept working...I am also very grateful for the flexibility of the steps that allow, actually encourage, each person to create and work what fits for them.

Thank you for your service, Betty, and for everyone else sharing in this journey  

 ****************

1) If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?

If I truly believed that, I would resist the urge to do or push for what I thought should happen, and follow along with the way things developed; my fear and anxiety would drop because of my belief that things will work out for the best.

2) If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?

That would free my mind and efforts up to work on what I can control: myself, and showing understanding and love toward that person, regardless of what they are going through. I would not try to influence or steer them toward what I believe to be best. I would take one day at a time, allowing things to unfold according to god's plan, not mine.

3) What would you say or do?

Express confidence that things will work out; not force things; allow time for things to develop, not make decisions or determinations before they are necessary.

4) What would you stop saying or doing?

I would stop making decisions/forcing things simply to ease my mind or to reduce my anxiety of things not being 'nailed down', concrete, because even when I think they are, they are not necessarily, I just allow myself to feel better because of an illusion of my control.

Stop saying 'I think..., 'why don't you...', etc...allow room for others to follow their higher power's lessons, and stop thinking and acting like I know how things should ,,,I most certainly don't.

5) What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

Reduce my focus to today, taking time to be grateful for this moment, feel myself breathing and living, feeling the power that I have to make a decision about what I will do, what I can do to make things better, bring a smile to someone's face, make others feel good about somethi...give back.

Look for ways to make my life better, my mind and soul enriched, to make every day count...find ways to feel satisfied and at peace at the end of the day about what I did, and not borrow against that from the past or concerns about tomorrow.

6) If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently?

Hmmm....I don't feel like someone else is...I am where I am because of my choices and decisions. I have the power to change how I make those, to determine my direction and destination. The program helped me reach this place, I am so grateful, and focused on trying to take ownership of each day, my thoughts and direction.

7) What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?

I realize that I have allowed fear to control me more than a particular person. I am working to identify and choose things without fear of outcomes or reactions, or what others may think about me. Trying to choose things that will allow me to reach my life goals without fear of failure.

When I practice this, I feel incredibly empowered and at peace, like I am not shorting myself or missing opportunities that my higher power is sending my way. Hanging onto fear in a way that effects my actions is another way of trying to control outcomes...I feel so much healthier when I just put it out there and accept whatever happens.

8) If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?

Ooops, I got ahead of myself...very good! At peace in the moment, on my way to serenity...I feel a balance in my slice of the universe.

 9) If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?

When I stop fighting, resisting, or trying to control, I am more creative and energetic with my efforts towards bettering myself and life direction. I also have more and better quality energy to give to others, which helps them and me.

 



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Guru

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Posts: 858
Date:

Hello Paul Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom in working this important Step. Like you, being able to define my own HP and to take my time in actually turning my will over, helped me to continue on this recovery journey.
I appreciate your sharing this journey as well as your honesty and clarity.

__________________
Betty
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