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Post Info TOPIC: Step 1


Newbie

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Step 1


We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ( addiction, drugs, people, places, things) and that our  lives (minds) have become unmanageable.

I have tried to work on the steps for over at least 6 months.  I have been going to F2F meetings for 3 years.  I feel like it is too painful to think about this stuff!  I feel stuck!  I also feel like I can't forgive my AH for all the things he has "done to me".

1. Have you been trying to exert power or influence where you may, in reality, have none?
 
As far as my AH, I try my best to detach and let him run his own program.  We had little to no communication while he was using and I feel that it is still the same.  Don't get me wrong.  It is a two way street.
I have two grown children.  It seems, right now, a little easier to detach as I started the program when they were in high school and realized how much I monopolized everything they did.
My parents are a different story.  My dad has serious anger problems.  He was verbally abusive when I was growing up.  Mostly, he rules my mom.  She allows it.  However, I seem to have the most problems getting along with her.

2.
 Who or what in your life is making you feel crazy and causing you stress?
Whom do you feel victimized by?
 
 
I am going to give you the honest truth.  I suffer from very severe migraines.  Sometimes I feel victimized by that situation.  I have felt victimized by the lies my AH has fed me thru the 29 years we have been married.  I have also felt victimized by my dad and how he treated my brother and I when we were kids and how he treated my mom.  He still treats her this way and she still takes it.
3. What would you have to face in your own life if you stopped trying to control someone or something?
 
 
I would have to live with myself and my crazy mind!!!

4. What are some areas in your life that may reflect un manageability?
 
 What is your current condition in these areas: emotions, finances, spirituality, physical health, career?
My emotions are crazy.  Finances are good.  Spirituality good.  Phys. health ok 
Career ok
 
 
What are you doing for fun, pleasure, and enjoyment?
I try to do yoga and meditate.  Go for walks
 


5. What is the current state of your relationships with these people: family, friends, co-workers.?
 
Do you have any relationships, or are you feeling alone and isolated?
I have good relationships

 



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Newbie

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Date:

Sorry!  Meant for this to go into the Step 1 board!! Don't know how to get it there!!



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Guru

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HI Pushmepullme Great log on name, I am pleased that you are here and found the courage to share with such clarity and honesty. You are on your way!!! The first Step is the hardest and you have compleed it. Good work . Please do keep coming back.

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Betty


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I'm back to step one.

1. Have you been trying to exert power or influence where you may, in reality, have none?

Yes I have been trying to exert power and influence over the way my alcoholic partner speaks to me at times. What he says during arguments. How he sees me. I have been trying to negotiate, to get him to take some responsibility for his part in our arguments, to keep it respectful. I have been trying to turn it into a relationship I can live with. He doesn't see much wrong with the things he says and has no interest in changing the way he talks to me.

2. Who or what in your life is making you feel crazy and causing you stress? Whom do you feel victimized by?

Trying to talk to my partner about this situation which has arisen between us is making me feel crazy and causing me stress. If I don't try to talk to him, the silence makes me feel crazy and causes me stress. I feel victimized by him. I feel like he blames me for all our problems, doesn't see how the things he says to me make the situation worse, and just expects me to forget about it all and get on with it. I feel kind of victimized because I have put so much into the relationship and it feels like he's not prepared to compromise on anything. I feel crazy because one day he loves me so much and then seems to go into discard mode, doesn't need me at all and this always seems to happen after a period of sobriety. I feel victimized by the disease.

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Guru

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Date:

((Sorcha))) The First Step is indeed challenging.I had a difficult time admitting "powerlessness" because on the outside  and to teh world my life looked good.aww

The turmoil that I felt inside made my life unmanageable. The negative voices that haunted me, the regret from the past and the fear of the future was unbearable I
needed to reach out, develop new tools to live by, learn to detach and keep the focus on myself.
Before program,I always felt the other person needed to change.  When I accepted the First Step, I knew I had to change. My life was indeed unmanageable.
Thanks for your clarity and honesty.



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Betty


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Thank you Betty for your reply, I just realised I posted this in the wrong place! I don't seem to have much trouble accepting that I'm powerless over the drinking or using. But accepting that I'm powerless over the behaviour, especially behaviour towards me, that's been a real tough one for me. It feels like it's a question of either remaining silent about anything that upsets me, accepting unacceptable behaviour or leaving, and all of these options just feel impossible today. Anyway, just for today I'm going to try to detach and do my own thing.?

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Guru

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Date:

Hi Sorcha Sometimes the steps are confusing and as you say, being powerless over people places and things, brings up the question of how to address unacceptable behavior. I do believe that I accepted the fact that I was powerless over others and that I needed to protect myself by establishing boundaries that I respected and then saying what I meant, meaning what I said without saying it mean. Recovery is a process and we eventually reach a middle ground where we can take care of ourselves and still treat everyone with courtesy and respect. Glad you are sharing the journey.

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Betty


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Thanks Betty, it just seems to be taking me such along time to get there!

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Guru

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Posts: 858
Date:

It is all a process and progress not perfection is what we strive for

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Betty
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