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Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step 5( 4-30-2017)


Guru

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Alanon Step 5( 4-30-2017)


Step Five;

 Admitted to God to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.

 Quote C2C page 311; "living with alcohol has taken a huge toll on our self-esteem.  As a result  we may not recognize how many of our wrongs are built upon a faulty sense of self. That's why the fifth step is so enlightening and so cleansing. Together with our Higher Power and another person I can change lifelong patterns."

 

My Share

Step five is indeed a powerful step and a great reminder that Al-Anon is a self acceptance program and not a self improvement program.

Having the courage to look deeply within ourselves, and share on what we discover  without blame or judgment with another person, as well as with the God of our understanding. Today, taking a step five is quite simple. I no longer feel as if I hurt the entire world, as I did when I first entered program and I have accepted the fact that there are residual attitudes that I have that hurt me and I must be free of, so as I can live  a life joy and serenity.

The next the" exact nature "of many of my wrongs were quite  hard to uncover. However, the more I looked  the deeper I went I found that fear ruled the roost. I turned my will,into  fear  then I turned that into   judgment and criticism of others.  This I did in order  to protect myself so that others did not discover how fearful I was.

Thanks to Al-Anon, I now have a Power Greater than Myself that I can turn to. I  have accepted the fact that courage is simply fear that has said its prayers and so I pray daily for courage, serenity and wisdom

step five questions

1.  Have you taken a formal Fifth Step?  What was the impact of that on your life and your feelings about yourself?

2.  Are you in the habit of sharing yourself - who you are - with other people?  When was the last time you called someone because you needed to talk about something?  Do you talk to people about what you're going through when you're going through it, or do you wait until you've resolved the incident yourself, then report it after the fact?

3.  Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to?  Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to?  Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say?

4.  In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly?  You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done.  Then tell God.

5.  Each morning for the next week, when you wake up, take a moment to notice what you're feeling.  Often, we're at our most vulnerable in those quiet moments before we begin the activity of the day.  Check in with yourself emotionally.  Take a moment to tell God what you're feeling.  Tell yourself.  Within the next four hours, sooner if possible, tell someone else what you are feeling.  You don't have to make a "feelings group" out of it; just disclose honestly what you are feeling.  Do this same activity once more during the day - either at the end of the workday, after supper, or during a quiet time in the evening.

6.  The next time a big feeling strikes - hurt, fear, anger, joy, blessedness, pleasure - call another person and talk about what you're feeling while you're feeling it.


 

 



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Betty


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Fear of negative reactions from others guides most of my wrongs. I tend to try to smooth things out and make/keep everyone happy because I don't feel strong enough to "weather the storm of negative reactions" from others. I don't have good boundaries between myself and others, and so leaving someone's emotional response with them is a challenge. I also lack the self confidence in my own beliefs and decisions to hold on to them in the face of adversity.


1. Have you taken a formal Fifth Step? What was the impact of that on your life and your feelings about yourself?

I have. it was positive, because I could begin to let go of the guilt and doubt I had been carrying with me. Identifying the impact of my character defects allowed me to begin to let those things go.

2. Are you in the habit of sharing yourself - who you are - with other people? When was the last time you called someone because you needed to talk about something? Do you talk to people about what you're going through when you're going through it, or do you wait until you've resolved the incident yourself, then report it after the fact?

I share myself generously with people I trust, but I am brutally unforgiving when my trust is broken. I have relatively few friends, but those I have I am very close to. I have trusted colleagues, and I reach out to them frequently, on a daily basis, at times, when there are work-related things that I need to talk about. Things I need to discuss with someone that are of a more personal nature I tend to discuss with my wife or sister, or during an alanon meeting. I need to think on what I am going through for a while before I am ready to share with someone, but I do discuss most things with someone before I reach a complete decision or resolution. I find that the discussion helps me to think through things in a more healthy way.

3. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say?

not that I can think of. My wife and I had a good talk on Sunday, and I was able to share with her my frustrations and fear around her depressed behaviors. Before that talk, I would say that I was avoiding talking to her about her depressed state and its impact on my life.

4. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. Then tell God.

I should have taken some time over the weekend to call my dad and chat a bit just for the sake of chatting.

5. Each morning for the next week, when you wake up, take a moment to notice what you're feeling. Often, we're at our most vulnerable in those quiet moments before we begin the activity of the day. Check in with yourself emotionally. Take a moment to tell God what you're feeling. Tell yourself. Within the next four hours, sooner if possible, tell someone else what you are feeling. You don't have to make a "feelings group" out of it; just disclose honestly what you are feeling. Do this same activity once more during the day - either at the end of the workday, after supper, or during a quiet time in the evening.

I will do that. This morning, I was feeling stressed about time because I needed to get some tasks in the kitchen done before leaving for work.

6. The next time a big feeling strikes - hurt, fear, anger, joy, blessedness, pleasure - call another person and talk about what you're feeling while you're feeling it.

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Hi Skorpi, Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience regarding this step. I appreciate the fact that we are sharing this recovery journey.

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Betty
Nix


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This quote spoke to me:

 

I have accepted the fact that there are residual attitudes that I have that hurt me and I must be free of, so as I can live  a life  with joy and serenity.

 

I'm struggling with people at work whose behavior I cannot control. I have a residual attitude of entitlement and poor self-esteem which assumes, even demands, the approval of others. I am reminded that I do not need to seek the approval of others as my HP loves and accepts me unconditionally. I don't need to take on anyone else's baggage as it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I can indeed live a life of joy and serenity if I stop picking up other people's baggage. Thank you for this.



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Guru

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Great awareness and acceptance Nix. You deserve to live a life filled with joy and serenity just remember to validate yourself with gratitude and asset lists. ppreciate your sharing the journey.

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Betty


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Thank you both for your shares, and Betty for your service!

In my fourth step and program work, I too uncovered fear as my most powerful negativity driver. I never saw that before recovery, so it is with relief that I recognize the symptoms and am able to understand where they are coming from.

It is so empowering, and brings about a spiritual peace and calm when I am willing to admit the true nature of my wrong to someone else; not some worn out cliché that I have come to believe, but the real, deep down source of my wrong.

Getting there is also helping me change the underlying thoughts and behavior, so I don't have to keep repeating the actions and the necessary apologies; that gets old for everyone. Real change is possible with the program, so grateful

*******************

1. Have you taken a formal Fifth Step? What was the impact of that on your life and your feelings about yourself?

I have. It was very cleansing...I have always tried to practice honesty with everyone in my life, but I learned in AlAnon that my perspective was "off" in several keys areas. The fifth step allowed me the opportunity to share my newly realized "truth" with someone as it now was closer to the reality of my actions, motives, and overreaching.

2. Are you in the habit of sharing yourself - who you are - with other people? When was the last time you called someone because you needed to talk about something? Do you talk to people about what you're going through when you're going through it, or do you wait until you've resolved the incident yourself, then report it after the fact?

I am with one or two with whom I am most close, I am open about everything I am going through. Outside of that, I am not. I don't recall ever reaching out or calling anyone because I felt I needed to talk. I realize I have kept a very small circle most of my life.

3. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say?


There is not. I am very grateful that I have always had a low tolerance for that kind of discomfort. I have always been one to broach a topic first or as soon as I am aware of it...not always the best policy, AlAnon is helping me work on patience and discretion (and minding my own business and staying out of others' business), but rarely I have suffered the discomfort of avoiding someone.


4. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. Then tell God.


I have. I immediately made amends with that person, and that day shared it with my higher power. Later, I shared it with a trusted program friend. I don't like to let negative things dwell within myself, or its effects on others, without acknowledging them and trying to make them right.

5. Each morning for the next week, when you wake up, take a moment to notice what you're feeling. Often, we're at our most vulnerable in those quiet moments before we begin the activity of the day. Check in with yourself emotionally. Take a moment to tell God what you're feeling. Tell yourself. Within the next four hours, sooner if possible, tell someone else what you are feeling. You don't have to make a "feelings group" out of it; just disclose honestly what you are feeling. Do this same activity once more during the day - either at the end of the workday, after supper, or during a quiet time in the evening.

Morning is my favorite time of the day for this activity. This is my meditation and reading time, an opportunity to align my thoughts with my higher power and embrace the opportunities of day. I rarely have involved another person, however, something to think about...

6. The next time a big feeling strikes - hurt, fear, anger, joy, blessedness, pleasure - call another person and talk about what you're feeling while you're feeling it.

Hmm...I have lived a quite solitary existence for a few years now, after once being quite social. I have allowed a reluctance to connect with people, even when I could reach out. This is an area in which I will try to push myself...



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Hi Paul, thank you so very much for posting your thoughts on this extremely important step. I agree the steps do work. I too did not want to keep making the same mistakes over and over againso I determined to keep the focus on myself and learn the lessons that life has taught me. Al-Anon and the steps have given me the ability to own my part in the situation, without fear and to be able to express my concerns without judgment. I can identify with much of what you shared. Once again thank you for your honesty

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Betty
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