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Post Info TOPIC: Step 6 Alanon (5-10-2017)


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Step 6 Alanon (5-10-2017)


Step Six

Were entirely ready to have God remove these  defects of character

 

C2C reading page 319 - Progress not perfection applies to my readiness to let go of my defects as well as to other parts of my program.

Step Six is my chance to cooperate with God. My goal is to make myself ready to let go of my faults and to let God take care of the rest."

 

My share.

Step Six  was a little confusing in the beginning of this  Alanon journey. I just kept coming back, attending meetings, reading my literature, using the slogans and reminding myself of the first three steps .  Being focused on program ,in this fashion. HP was able to show me my defects in action.  Slowly but surely I began to see what I was doing that "hurt" me.  My sarcasm for example.  Although I thought it was entertaining, it also left me feeling unhappy and disconnected, my anger fed my resentments, my gossiping and criticizing of others left a bad taste in my mouth.  When I finally began seeing my defects in motion, it became very easy for me to be willing to let HP remove them.

I naturally worried about what would replace these entertaining defects and I was assured that constructive positive energy was available to me and would replace my negative tools. This my friends is so very true

Step Six questions

 


1.  What are the hard-to-handle beliefs, behaviors, feelings, wants, or needs that you're struggling with right now?  You may want to begin affirming that you are becoming ready to let go of these issues.


2.  How would it make your life different if you believed that you could just relax and let this process called recovery happen to you?


3.  Make a list of everything you would like changed about yourself.  Include on it the things you would like to stop doing, things you would like to start doing, any family-of-origin work you'd like to accomplish, things you'd like to get and have.  Put everything you can think of on the list, everything you'd like to be part of your future.  Then put the list away and let go of everything on it.


4.  Do you believe it's safe to trust God and this process called recovery?


 



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Betty


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The challenge of step six for me is "how do I know that I am entirely ready?" I struggled with thinking I was ready, but not knowing that I was. I had always prided myself on being kind, generous, caring, so thinking about character defects was challenging. Wasn't I always already working to eliminate character defects? My aha moment came when I reflected that I had to be ready to trust my HP to deal with my character defects. The work I thought I had been doing on my character was not meeting my needs because I was trying to manage it without HP. That realization made me ready to try to be "entirely ready".

Early on in my journey, I remember Betty saying that I should strive for progress, not perfection. That really stayed with me, and I repeat it to myself more times throughout the day than I can count.


1. What are the hard-to-handle beliefs, behaviors, feelings, wants, or needs that you're struggling with right now? You may want to begin affirming that you are becoming ready to let go of these issues.

I tend to take too much responsibility for the actions and behaviors of others. I do this at home, with family, with friends, and at work. my sister is X, how can I ... My friends are stressed, what can I ... a person I supervise is not meeting expectations, what should I have done so I wouldn't have to dismiss them now? A student didn't plan well, didn't master the material, and now will not pass the course. Their not graduating is my fault. Having this conversation is going to add X to their already iffy situation, they are going to feel Y, and it will be my fault.

More and more, I am feeling that there are natural consequences for actions, and the most caring thing to do is to listen when asked, and not try to fix. Follow-through with natural consequences when my job requires it of me, and leave the emotions out of it. Most of the time, I am creating the emotional turmoil, it isn't even that I pick up what is there, or feed into what others bring, I honestly make it up myself, and think it is mine to sit with it and deal with.


2. How would it make your life different if you believed that you could just relax and let this process called recovery happen to you?

I would be less frantic, and try to control things around me less. I would be able to identify where I stop and other person begins, and I would chose not to pick up things that are not mine to control.

3. Make a list of everything you would like changed about yourself. Include on it the things you would like to stop doing, things you would like to start doing, any family-of-origin work you'd like to accomplish, things you'd like to get and have. Put everything you can think of on the list, everything you'd like to be part of your future. Then put the list away and let go of everything on it.

This is a useful activity for me, because I need to know what is on the list, but writing it out and putting it away helps me to let the list take care of itself.


4. Do you believe it's safe to trust God and this process called recovery?

I do believe that it is safe to trust my HP, as I understand them. Things are much easier and more manageable when I am in constant conversation with my HP.

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Hello Skorpi. Your dedication and honesty in working this Step and the Alanon program is inspiring. Thank you for sharing the journey .



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Betty


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Thank you for your service and ESH, Betty. I had a greater sense of letting go and letting god during this step, a reminder that it is the god of my understanding at work here, not just my efforts.

1. What are the hard-to-handle beliefs, behaviors, feelings, wants, or needs that you're struggling with right now? You may want to begin affirming that you are becoming ready to let go of these issues.

I have made improvement but still struggle to handle disagreements with others with grace and a positive attitude. My upbringing treated this with the great harshness, and those tendencies run deep.

AlAnon has helped me realize I don't always know what is best for me, and can't know it for others. My biggest struggle is with those closest to me as I fear that a difference in feeling or position is a sign of a differences in other, key ares.

The example I reflect on is the variety of characters in the program, with quite a wide range of beliefs, who come together for mutual support and benefit...differences do not rule out cooperation and positive outcomes when common goals and commitment to honesty and improvement are shared.

2. How would it make your life different if you believed that you could just relax and let this process called recovery happen to you?

I have come to appreciate that patience is an important part of my recovery, that I simply cannot undo in hours or days what I have practiced for a lifetime. Sustained effort over time on my end, along with a willingness to let the god of my understanding remove my defects has already brought me greater peace and understanding than I thought possible.

I do need to relax, to not see a possible solution to everything and try implementing it, and have made progress in my ability to do so. Relaxing does not mean inactivity, however, I still need to work daily to align my thoughts and habits in a healthier direction.

That brings me peace, as does knowing that it is not by my own effort that I find serenity...it is only through connection with my higher power. That realization has changed my life.

3. Make a list of everything you would like changed about yourself. Include on it the things you would like to stop doing, things you would like to start doing, any family-of-origin work you'd like to accomplish, things you'd like to get and have. Put everything you can think of on the list, everything you'd like to be part of your future. Then put the list away and let go of everything on it.

Really liked that...very helpful...

4. Do you believe it's safe to trust God and this process called recovery?

Yes. I have; hesitantly at first, but then have grown in my confidence and trust, and I have seen the results...I do believe



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Hello again Paul, this is an extremely interesting. Step and when I tried to force early on.
I made myself entirely ready to have my defects removed by attending meetings, praying, using the slogans and one that one day I woke and discovered I was responding differently. What a miracle that seemed. Confidence and trust to grow as a result. Thank you again for sharing the journey


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Betty


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1. What are the hard-to-handle beliefs, behaviors, feelings, wants, or needs that you're struggling with right now? You may want to begin affirming that you are becoming ready to let go of these issues.

I am having a hard time believing i can live like other people. I grew up traumatised i think honestly by criticism blame sarcasm judgements negativity anger fixers and obsessers (controllers) .. i grew dependent on these others for approval .. they are gone but not entirely .. I still hear them in my mind. I was 'never accepted by them or approved of and it wasn't ok for any of them to spend too much time with me. I was scapegoated 'hard so handling the lies that began to permeate me is painful. I am moving toward letting go of fear and confusion. I project them also onto higher power so very hard still.


2. How would it make your life different if you believed that you could just relax and let this process called recovery happen to you?

I would have more freedom from me. I hold myself down by not letting go. I am also realising how angry i am (i thought this was for no reason many years. just who i was. and i'm angry about that too)


3. Make a list of everything you would like changed about yourself. Include on it the things you would like to stop doing, things you would like to start doing, any family-of-origin work you'd like to accomplish, things you'd like to get and have. Put everything you can think of on the list, everything you'd like to be part of your future. Then put the list away and let go of everything on it.

Making a list. i would love to Stop living inside obsession. (fear) I would love to start trusting more (focusing more on accepting hps will as well) will make a list.


4. Do you believe it's safe to trust God and this process called recovery?


I think I disappoint God with my clinginess to my fears and doubts. I am still learning it's (he's) safe. I think in my insanity i would please him more if i showed up to recovery recovered. (and then deeper down somewhere i don't .. i know this isn't clear and it hasn't been my experience with God) . but confused and messed up i know. but growing up in spiritual sickness i believed i was 'supposed to have it 'all together inside me. what a mess. times i get mixed up and think god has the acceptance problem (i project me onto god too)



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Hello FFM Thanks again for your dedication to these Steps and for sharing your impressive recovery journey.

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Betty


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Hi Betty,

It has taken me some time to get to step 6, but when I look back I can see the small changes that have happened, and I am motivated to go on. Through sharing, I can see how I am showing up in my life more honestly.

1. What are the hard-to-handle beliefs, behaviors, feelings, wants, or needs that you're struggling with right now?  You may want to begin affirming that you are becoming ready to let go of these issues.
Fear has always been my biggest challenge - fear of myself, of others' responses, fear of not being good enough, of failure, of rejection, of inadequacy. I am learning that, for me, the way to let go of these is actually through action. Taking a step dissappates the fear I had around taking that step, because the results are not usually the negative tangle of thoughts that I imagined before I faced up to what the next step was.
The tendancy to isolate as a default response is also a challenge for me. I feel I am ready to let go of this. 


2.  How would it make your life different if you believed that you could just relax and let this process called recovery happen to you?
I believe my life would improve and I would become more of the person I am meant to be. I would have more freedom, put less pressure on myself, and have less need to control situations and other people. I believe my life would evolve more naturally, as it should.

3.  Make a list of everything you would like changed about yourself.  Include on it the things you would like to stop doing, things you would like to start doing, any family-of-origin work you'd like to accomplish, things you'd like to get and have.  Put everything you can think of on the list, everything you'd like to be part of your future.  Then put the list away and let go of everything on it.
I would like to stop gossiping, I would like to stop negative thinking and negative talking most of all. I look forward to making this list, in order to understand myself better.

4.  Do you believe it's safe to trust God and this process called recovery?
Yes. I now believe that it is safer to trust God - whatever form God takes - than to trust myself, rely on myself, and only myself.



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Hello Midnight Jane Thank you for your honesty and clarity. I know that fear was my biggest stumbling block until it was pointed out to me that "Fear" was an important feeling as it sounded the alarm in time of danger.
My fears were the "irrational fear and dread" that the ODAT addresses which were bought on by living with the disease.
You are on the right tract trusting HP to remove these defects.   This Step worked wonders for me so keep on keeping on---.One day I turned around to find that i no longer enjoyed gossiping or sarcasm my two great forms of entertainment. Thanks for sharing the journey



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Betty
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