Step Work Board

Where we discuss each of the Twelve Steps

In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.

Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.

Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together!
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Al-Anon Step Seven (5-31-2017)


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 858
Date:
Al-Anon Step Seven (5-31-2017)


 Step Seven

Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.

C2C reading page 249

"When I take the Seventh Step, I pray that whatever interferes with my Higher Power's will for me will be removed. I don't have to have all the answers. I just need to be willing."

My share.

I have worked many Seventh Step in my lifetime. However, I will speak about the first time that I attempted this Step. The words "Humbly and Asked" jumped right out at me. I didn't have a clue how to be humble because I thought that was degrading and I did not know how to "ask".  Growing up I always pretended I knew all the answers wouldnever ask for help and would run around trying to find out how to do things without asking.

Humility was also a puzzle until someone explained that humility was simply acknowledging that I was human and imperfect and could not fix myself.  That only the God of my understanding could do that.  Accepting these two definitions and attitudes enabled me to finally surrender and "humbly ask" my HP for assistance.

I readily agreed that the defects that I identified in the fourth and fifth step were driven by fear, which was my biggest shortcoming. That fear was of, making mistakes, not knowing all the answers, of failure and fear mostly that I was not enough.  Many of the defects that I had identified were simply  the walls that I built to keep people away so that they could not reach into the vulnerable part of myself and discover my hidden fears and anxieties. My sarcasm, judgment and criticism of others, were all weapons to keep me safe.  In order for me to be willing to let go of these protective tools. I needed to be off to trust that my higher power would replace these defects with positive attributes, my sponsor explained that the defects were hiding all my positive attributes, and once HP lifted the negative defects,my compassion, understanding, love, empathy and wisdom would surface.,   I had tried many times to fix myself and  always fallen back on my former negative  behaviors because the defects had never been lifted and all I was doing was pretending.

Al-Anon tools and Steps, work. I kept using the slogans, attending meetings, reading and meditating and all of  I miraculously found myself responding differently in puzzling situations. That was when I knew that  my Higher Power had listed my protective walls and I was responding from my heart with no need for my negativity.

I will be forever grateful to Al-Anon for the steps. 

Step Seven Questions

Do I have a sponsor. How can I ask someone to help me?

What character defects will I have to overcome to allow myself to turn to a sponsor for help?

What positive changes can I make  in myself?

What negative behaviors are  being removed?

What does humility mean to me

How am I humble?

What can help me to be more self?

What defects can I have a ready to have removed?

How can I treat myself with compassion and ask for the willingness to keep trying?

As I work Step Seven do I see a change in my relationship with my Higher Power?

 

What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for negative behavior that I wish to release question

 



__________________
Betty


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 27
Date:

Humility was a difficult concept for me. Growing up the the church I did, humility seemed synonymous with degrading. When I did my first 7th step, I needed to redefine my understanding of humility to move ahead. I settled on a definition that was the opposite of arrogance, but did not require me to degrade myself. I have to give my HP a lot of credit in helping me come to that understanding.

Do I have a sponsor. How can I ask someone to help me?

I have benefited from home groups that have been small enough so we all function as sponsors for each other in one way or another. I do not have an official sponsor, as in one go-to person who walks the steps with me and is there if I need to talk, but I have a strong network of people I walk the steps with and can reach out to. There are only 2 people in my current home group who have been through all 12 steps, and I am one of them.

What character defects will I have to overcome to allow myself to turn to a sponsor for help?

Pride - I tend to be a leader and not trust others to have my best interests at heart. It is difficult for me to trust people or believe that they have my best interests at heart. It actually works well for me that I have a whole small group to turn to. Somehow, it is easier to trust a group than an individual.

What positive changes can I make in myself?

I can trust others more, and leave behind the idea that I am the one who must be responsible for things. I can accept that perfect to me might not actually be perfect, and I can embrace that other people are walking their own paths with their own HP, and do not need my help to do so.

What negative behaviors are being removed?

the need to control or fix things that are not mine to fix. Trying to impact situations that are not mine, trying to make things "better" in my understanding of "better" for others. I think control over others and trying to have undue influence over others are the major negative behaviors that will be removed now.

What does humility mean to me

Humility means that I do not have all the answers, and that whatever I do, I do with good intent. It means that I keep the focus on myself and my actions, and that I expect myself to grow and improve with experience, not master anything right away. It also means that I understand that I do not and cannot know everything, and I do not expect myself to have all the answers.


How am I humble?

I listen more and with more intent. I ask more questions, and do not jump to conclusions. I willingly admit that what I believe now to be true might change, and that it only applies to me and my situation. I do not waste my time worrying about the decisions other people make.

What can help me to be more self?

I have started to write each morning with an intent for myself for the day. Doing this helps me to focus on how I want to be (calm, balanced, centered, etc.) and helps me focus on how I am doing toward that goal throughout the day.

What defects can I have a ready to have removed?

the need to control others, and a false sense of pride.

How can I treat myself with compassion and ask for the willingness to keep trying?

I can focus my work on improvement and process. I can focus on how my approach today is better than it was yesterday, and focus on how I am improving instead of how far I am from my goals.

As I work Step Seven do I see a change in my relationship with my Higher Power?

I definitely trust my HP more today than I ever have before. I believe I understand my HP better and that my relationship with HP is growing and getting closer.

What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for negative behavior that I wish to release question

I've kind of changed a few slogans to fit my own personality:
My circus is big enough, I don't need another act. (from "Not my monkeys, not my circus.")
Is now the right time? (First things first)
Just try it and see what happens (fake it until you make it)
Showing up is the most important thing (Keep coming back, it works if you work it)

__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 858
Date:

Hi Skorpi I can so identiy with your process and love how you have reworded the slogans to suit your understanding I had to eliminate the slogan "Fake it unitl you make it" beause i felt I had been"faking it" my whole life awwand i needed to get real. I like your version and am happy we are sharing the journey.



__________________
Betty


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 27
Date:


Thank you, Betty, for your service and your experience, strength and hope on Step 7.

Step Seven Questions

Do I have a sponsor. How can I ask someone to help me?

I currently do not in this program. I am currently looking for a sponsor in another program, hopefully one who has experience in both sides.  

What character defects will I have to overcome to allow myself to turn to a sponsor for help?

I find it easier to turn to my higher power for help and guidance than to other people. I have to work on my introversion and tendency to keep my interactions with others to a minimum.

What positive changes can I make  in myself?

I continue to work on my gratitude, living one day at a time, and letting go letting god. These help me stay in a more positive mindset and avoid worry and fear.

What negative behaviors are  being removed?

I have seen fear and my tendency to judge others decrease significantly, two of my main character defects, as my higher power removes them.

What does humility mean to me?

Not thinking that I know what is best for myself or others, recognizing that my higher power does.

How am I humble?

There is a saying that if you think you have humility, than perhaps you don't, so I am hesitant to say how I AM humble. With the guidance of the program, I feel I have greatly reduced some of my beliefs that stood in the way of humility: thinking I knew the 'right' or 'best' way for myself and others.

What can help me to be more so?

Regular meditation and personal inventory of strengths and defects, commitment to turn them over to god, continue looking for his will not mine.  

What defects am I ready to have removed?

Fear and impatience.

How can I treat myself with compassion and ask for the willingness to keep trying?

Remembering that I am not the only person that has character defects, that I have carried them and practiced them for most of my life, and it is progress I am seeking not perfection.

As I work Step Seven do I see a change in my relationship with my Higher Power?

Yes. As I see defects being removed, my higher power becomes more real to me, and holds more of my confidence.

What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for negative behavior that I wish to release?

Let go, let god helps me turn things over that could lead to fear, and remember that everything is on god's timetable, not mine. 



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 858
Date:

Hello Paul Thanks for continuing to share your ESH with the Steps I love the statement that you made about" fear" and how is lifts when we rememberr and accept that it is all HP's time able not ours. Your recovery is admirable

__________________
Betty


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:

Step Seven

Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.

C2C reading page 249

"When I take the Seventh Step, I pray that whatever interferes with my Higher Power's will for me will be removed. I don't have to have all the answers. I just need to be willing."

My share.

Humbly asked Him to remove my shortcomings is all about my opening up the idea that I do not have all the answers as to what His will regarding my shortcomings may be.  I find myself asking Him to remove my impatience and expect that it will happen immediately...I am having a hard time detaching and stopping myself from engaging in a discussion regarding the drinking and I ask for Him to help me when my AH seems to provoke a response from me.  I have to continually remind myself that I need Him to help me, not the other way around.

Step Seven Questions

Do I have a sponsor. How can I ask someone to help me? I do not have a sponsor, I do need one but have not found one.

What character defects will I have to overcome to allow myself to turn to a sponsor for help? I'm judgmental and impatient.  

What positive changes can I make  in myself?  I can use the mneumonic THINK to help me to be patient in communication, as an extrovert I often think out loud but thinking before thinking really helps be to not only review what I'm about to say via the filter of is it Thoughtful, Helpful, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind but it gives my HP time to help me.

What negative behaviors are  being removed?Seeking to control

What does humility mean to me Humility means that I understand I cannot do anything but He can, I can be willing and He can do.

How am I humble? I believe I'm self aware and I don't think I'm better than anyone else or I don't control the lives of others.

What can help me to be more self? ?

What defects can I have a ready to have removed? I don't have all the answers

How can I treat myself with compassion and ask for the willingness to keep trying? I have to treat me as a treasure of my HP, as His daughter and I have to give myself space to grow.

As I work Step Seven do I see a change in my relationship with my Higher Power? Yes

 

What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for negative behavior that I wish to release question Live and Let Live.

 



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 858
Date:

Great responses Courageous Thanks for taking the timeto share your thoughts on this importnat step. I am pleased that we are sharing this journey.

__________________
Betty
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.

Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us

Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)

Al-Anon

Courage to Change

The 12 Steps 
For Adult Children

Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums
Recovery Book Store

http://www.12stepforums.net/books.html

All Books in our bookstore are recovery related books, please visit the store and make a purchase for yourself or someone you want to shine some love on!

Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

 

 

Daily Affirmations for Adult Childern

When you buy a book you are helping support Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums

We have over 100 recovery books in our bookstore which is affiliated with Amazon.com.  The fastest, safest and easiest way to get your new reading material sent directly to you.