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Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step 9 ( 6-26-2017)


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Alanon Step 9 ( 6-26-2017)


Step nine:" Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others"


 C2C page 163  states "I need not make direct amends to those I've injured,if in doing so, I might cause further injury.  If we feel direct amends are inappropriate, we can trust that HP will let us know.  Otherwise if we work the Steps and become truly willing to make amends,The opportunities will arise for us to do so. My Higher Power does not put any challenge before me that I I am unable to face. The comfort I find in the knowledge can overcome my fears."

 

My share.  

I placed myself at the top of my amend list and made amends to myself by attending meetings,  working the steps and using the slogans.

it is very important to understand what making amends in this program truly means.  I was very good at saying "I'm sorry" when I didn't feel sorry so as to make people happy. That is not what this step is about. It asks that we come truly aware of our behavior, understand our part in the disagreements and an unpleasant situations, understand why we did and said without blaming or criticizing others, . Simply saying I'm sorry, is not enough, however, saying I noticed that I was unkind and critical of your family member in our recent conversation and I know that was unacceptable and hope that you will forgive me .that worked for me. I must remind myself that I'm not looking for approval from the other person or forgiveness. I am merely owning my part so that I can forgive myself and let go of the gals that I carry a situation

 

Step nine questions

could I write in amend letter to myself?

Am I willing to pray to become willing to make amends in the future?

What amends in my putting off? Why?

Do I have an amend to make that could result in serious consequences. My family? How can I use my sponsor with trusted friend to help me sort this out?

 

 



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Betty


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Step nine:" Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others"


C2C page 163 states "I need not make direct amends to those I've injured,if in doing so, I might cause further injury. If we feel direct amends are inappropriate, we can trust that HP will let us know. Otherwise if we work the Steps and become truly willing to make amends,The opportunities will arise for us to do so. My Higher Power does not put any challenge before me that I I am unable to face. The comfort I find in the knowledge can overcome my fears."

This is the first time I am really doing this and first time on this forum so forgive any faux pas.

My share: I've been to Al-Anon meetings off and on and really haven't truly worked the program, I do daily readings in C2C and prayer and meditation but I need more. The C2C quote regarding trusting that our HP will let us know really struck me as I know I would list everyone I've ever come in contact with and any thought or action regarding them would have been on my list of amends to make. But trusting my HP to let me know, causes me to pause and meditate on the true nature of the offense and of the guilt that I carry around. I can with the help of my HP, see the need for amends and change my behavior going forward.

Step nine questions

could I write in amend letter to myself? Not sure at this time, maybe next step around. I see a need for it but too raw now to do so.


Am I willing to pray to become willing to make amends in the future? yes I am willing to pray to become willing to make amends in the future

What amends in my putting off? Why? I need to make amends to my AH regarding my need to fix him and the distance that has put in our marriage. I'm putting it off because I am a unwilling to totally admit he lacks control over his drinking. I am struggling with the alcoholism being a disease in my heart, oh, my head knows this and understands this and I selfishly compare his disease to my breast cancer and say "I am fighting for my life here, why can't you fight for yours!" This I need to give up as it is self-serving and prideful!!! it's hard though...just writing this has me reflecting and I'll meditate on it and ask for the help of my HP...

Do I have an amend to make that could result in serious consequences. My family? How can I use my sponsor with trusted friend to help me sort this out? I still need a sponsor but I don't believe there are any so dire.



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(((Dear Courageous ))thank you for sharing with such honesty, integrity and clarity. You are certainly a very courageous person and I'm glad that you have taken the time to share the journey with us.

I put myself on the top of the amends list and wrote a letter of amends to myself because I believed I had hurt myself greatly as I interacted with the disease of alcoholism. I made myself invisible, I destroyed all the principles that I wanted to live by and instead gave into anger, resentment and fear. I abandoned the God of my understanding and was lost and in long. I made amends to myself by attending meetings, sharing with the sponsor and working the steps and slogans. Please keep coming back. Program works and you are definitely worth it.

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Betty


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Step 9 share:
I had so much guilt about my behavior and the harm I had caused to my relationships with family and friends, that HP offered me the opportunity to begin to make amends as I was working through the other steps. The time seemed right, and I was able to make amends for being absent and putting some relationships on the back burner in favor of attempting to keep the peace at home with my AW. When I got to step 9 my first time through, I'd already made amends to most family and friends about being absent, and was able to make amends to my wife for enabling her drinking and getting in the way of her recovery with my enabling behavior. The person I did not make amends to was myself, and I think now is a good time to do that. I have noticed that I am not especially good at self-care, and I am usually last on my list of people and things to take care of. Now seems to be a good time to start working on that.


Step 9 Questions:

could I write in amend letter to myself?

Yes, and I think that I should. I have not been good about putting my needs first, and I am also not very good at taking care of myself, giving myself the time to maintain my well-being. I believe that I need to honor my recovery by bringing care to myself. 

Am I willing to pray to become willing to make amends in the future?

yes, and I think this is especially important when something is bothering me about a person. I might have unrealistic expectations or might be paying too much attention to what they are doing and not enough attention to what I am doing. 

What amends in my putting off? Why?

I have been putting off making amends to myself, probably because it is easier to put that off so my behavior does not need to change. If I were to make amends to myself, I would have to commit to changing how I treat myself, and that would involve setting and enforcing boundaries, which I always struggle with. But I also think that I need to set and enforce boundaries, especially with negativity. I do not want to be around negativity, and I do not think that it is good for my recovery. Unfortunately, my wife is at a negative place right now. She's staying sober, but is quite negative about everything happening around her and quite judgmental about everyone around her. I know that it is wearing me down, and that I need to set a boundary, but since I struggle with that, it has been easier to allow myself to suffer the negativity than make amends to myself and commit to taking care of my own needs. 

Do I have an amend to make that could result in serious consequences. My family? How can I use my sponsor with trusted friend to help me sort this out?

I think so, but the serious consequences would be good, in that I would begin to take better care of myself. I honestly do not know why I have been resisting this particular amend so much. Now seems a good time to make amends to myself. 



-- Edited by Skorpi on Wednesday 5th of July 2017 12:47:27 PM

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Great share on Step 9 Skorpi I am pleased that you are now willing to make amends to your self.  I found that i had harmed myself the most and this is an extremely important amend. Thanks for your honesty and the fact that we are sharing this  journey.



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Betty
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