Step Work Board

Where we discuss each of the Twelve Steps

In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.

Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.

Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together!
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step One (9-18-2017)


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:
Alanon Step One (9-18-2017)


We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--- that our lives had become unmanageable

Courage to Change, page 14  ." I learned in Al-Anon that I am bound to fail to make someone else stop drinking. Because I am powerless over alcoholism" "our spiritual growth is unlimited and our rewards end less if we try to bring this program into every phase of our daily lives.":

My share

When I first entered program and read these steps, I thought, how difficult it is going to be to practice this program.  I did not have a clue how I could admit that I was powerless over something that seemed to be destroying my life.  My reasoning suggested that I had to exert power or I would be destroyed. I had spent all my life, pretending, that my family was perfect and that we  were in perfect control and happy, it took quite a bit for me to acknowledge that the un manageability in my life was within my own thinking patterns and inability to handle life in a constructive manner

I'm glad I kept coming back, listening at meetings and reading literature, so that I finally comprehended this first step. We are all powerless over each other's choices. We can suggests constructive ways to live life to others, but we cannot force solutions.  Once I could grasp this concept and accept it. deep down within, I could finally surrender and embrace the First Step.  I also must add that I needed to move quickly to Step Two,in order to let go of control and allow a Power Greater than Myself to be in Control.

Step one questions;

Do I accept that I cannot control another persons behavior?

Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are?

How well do I take care of myself?

How do I feel when I'm alone?

If I say yes when I want to say no. What happens to my life when I do that?

Do I take care of others easily but find it difficult to take care of myself?

 

 

 On to Step Two

 

 



__________________
Betty


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:

hi hotrod,this is Lookingup .under new nic.
I've read and reread this ,just gonna take me some time to answer ,
I may write ?on paper before typing them here,
Any way letting you know I'm on it now,thank you for posting......lu


__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

Good job SARIAH --DO Whatever works for you --looking forward to sharing this Step journey

__________________
Betty


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:

Trying to figure this out. Newbie and trying to do the self care thing. Tough to separate self from the drinker. The boundary setting with all my loved ones is hard to do. I prefer to be with others rather than be by myself. I am a caregiver and a professional in Health Care. I have boundaries with my job but not the same with loved ones. Hmm Will bring out my book and read about the step 1 again. Thank you Margaret


__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

Welcome Margaret Please do keep coming back. Recovery is process

__________________
Betty


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 5
Date:

I have attended one meeting in person almost a year ago and did my first on-line meeting last night.  I want to learn how to apply the 12 steps so that I can learn how to live again, not really sure that I have been living at all really.  Alcohol has been apart of my life in some way since childhood.  I have lost so much and I don't even drink.  I like many of us here am affected by someone else's addiction to alcohol.  I plan to attend a face to face meeting on Monday and more on-line meetings until then.  I am here to share and learn.  Thank you all and God bless.



__________________
Kathy Cerney


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 5
Date:

I am in the same situation.  I feel like staying is a risk and walking away is a loss.  Hoping to find support and some way to make sense of all of this here.  One day at a time



__________________
Kathy Cerney


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

Hi Kathy This is a "Step Mesasage Board" and has few members. Please post to the main alanon Board for support and search out face to face meetings in your . There is hope and help,

__________________
Betty
a4l


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 3
Date:

Sorry I'm late.

Step one for me was difficult because I pride myself on being a rational and intellectual person. I did not want to admit i was powerless over another person because I took it as a failure of myself as a child and a partner.  When life became unmanageable I became wiling to examine the possibility of being powerless and this was helped by hearing at a meeting the concept of almighty brain and allowing it to resign. 

I sometimes take care of myself and sometimes do not.  Sometimes i am sabotaging my progress by asserting my will in situations that will only end up hurting me.  

But i am comitted to trying newer and better ways of being. I do get blindsided when i am around active alcoholics. It draws me back into old ways of thinking and reacting and controlling. So I must always remind myse;f I am powerless over the thoughts feelings beleifs and behaviours of others.



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

Hi A41 Thank you for sharing your thoughts with such such honesty, clarity and wisdom. I agree recovery is a process and as long as we keep coming back and  attempting to use the tools, I know that I will continue to grow.

Accepting powerlessness was certainly the key to my being able to face life on life's terms.

Thanks for sharing the journey



__________________
Betty


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:

I'm new and starting Step 1. I attended the online meeting last night. Happy to be here.

__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

WelcomeLike2dance Glad to see you are willing to embrace the Steps to recovery.

__________________
Betty


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:

After going through this with ex husband and our son I thought I'd walked recovery road of accepting powerlessness to my core.  I was wrong.  With our daughter just accepting and asking for help, I'm learning all over again about relinquishing any illusion of control! Thankful to find this online way to review again... To begin again.

 



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

Welcome Robin I have found that I can rework the steps every year and discover new destructive territory that has been uncovered by my working the program. Glad that you joined in.

__________________
Betty


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:

Hi this is Marsol

Happy to be here studying this first step. I hope to attend a live meeting soon. It was difficult for me to come to the conclusion that I can do nothing to help my alcoholic daughter. It is sad to see her killing herself drinking but after so many times and abuse from her .... I can do nothing to help her if she does not want to help herself. My life turned crazy ... trying to look for help for help..... looking for an open door that I never found, until somebody told me about al-Anon then my mind began to heal.

__________________
Margarita S. Palermo


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 18
Date:

I'm jumping in a little late but have decided another walk through the steps is due.  I have been in Alanon for a little over a year.  Step 1 for me the first time was swift and relieving! The very idea that I was powerless over alcohol was completely new to me.  It freed me of so much "responsibility".  I was fully aware that my life was unmanageable.  

This step looks different today.  I am learning to admit that I am powerless over everyone and everything except me.  That is harder.  When I find myself fretting or worrying over a situation, I have to stop and look at what I'm trying to control.  What outcome I'm trying to force.  



__________________
Kim C


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

Hello Kim Thanks for joining in and sharing your thoughts. I too have revisited the Steps many times,.and learn something new each time

__________________
Betty


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 9
Date:

Courage to Change, page 14 ." I learned in Al-Anon that I am bound to fail to make someone else stop drinking.

there's a reading in either hope42day or in odat that reads: "what we 'don't admit on step 1 is Equally as Important as what we 'do .. we don't admit we are failures for failing to 'control a 'disease."

Interestingly enough .. i realised when it comes to me i have been effected by a disease that yah can't be controlled (by me) .. haven't seen this yet in regard to others .. ''we don't admit we are failures for failing to control 'their 'disease." I admit i have done this to myself and have to admit it's another part of the 'exact nature of my (our) wrongs .. recognizing alcoholism as a 'disease has been very 'vague for me for many years .. beginning to see that deeply ..

Because I am powerless over alcoholism" "our spiritual growth is unlimited and our rewards end less if we try to bring this program into every phase of our daily lives.":

Realising we have lots of limitations for being ''human but the limitless ? being spiritual ? .. good reminder to bring in the spirit of hp .. into these areas of limitations ..

__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

Hi FFM Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this important step. I agree it is important to bring HP into all phases of our life.

__________________
Betty


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:

Do I accept that I cannot control another person's behavior?

I have written, erased and written and erased.I wanted to believe that I could do things to influence my AS but if anything has, it has been ignoring him completely. Who am I to say what motivates others? I think we are all insecure and want to connect with something we can really rely on. 

Maybe I could control the sober members of my family if I wanted to be really bitchy but why would I do that and where would it get me? They would do the least they had to to get me off their back and then get away. That's not what I want.

Right now I am worried that my AS is picking back up with old friends who he said were a bad influence and I have worries that he is getting back into his gateway habits. I asked my husband to cut off money but he says he made a commitment to give him a certain amount and that he doesn't want to until he has evidence that our AS has relapsed into pot use. So I am powerless as to how that will evolve. 

Generally, I am powerless over how my AS will battle and win or lose with his demons. 

I guess I have never wanted to control anyone because I hate to be controlled myself. I look back on earlier times and wonder if I could have changed things today by controlling certain SITUATIONS.

Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are?

Yes, I do trust my own feelings. I know when I am angry or sad or happy or fearful. What I am trying to internalize is that feelings, like thoughts, don't have to be acted upon. Just like they say it may be human to discriminate but that it's what you decide to do about the discrimination that determines how bigoted you are.

How well do I take care of myself?

Pretty well, I exercise, go to my medical appointments, take my meds and supplements, eat well, limit indulgences and I go to my Al-anon meetings. I have even been known to get my hair colored or get a pedicure or massage from time to time.

How do I feel when I'm alone?

It depends on what is going on with AS, but even if it's bad, I seek out solitude and silence.

If I say yes when I want to say no. What happens to my life when I do that?

I don't do it that often but these are times when I am resentful; I pick the leadership/planning/other participants apart. I become distracted and when the thing comes up I have negative feelings that cause me difficulty in acting as I want to or saying what I mean without saying it mean. I become aggressive.

Do I take care of others easily but find it difficult to take care of myself?

Less now than when my children were young and my husband was traveling for business and generally working 70 hours a week.

I do struggle with spending money on activities or other things for myself.

 

 

 

 

 



__________________
Mee


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

HelloMee welcome, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this powerful step. Please keep coming back and sharing the journey

__________________
Betty


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:

I really need to accept step one. I have detached from my AW and she has her own flat. Now her mother is looking after her(enabling). I spoke to her before Christmas and hoped she had stopped drinking. But it did not happen.
I realise I cant control this and by engaging I am simply making my own life unmanageable. I must not have expectations. I must learn to say no.
Thank you Betty.

__________________


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 23
Date:

Step one questions;

Do I accept that I cannot control another persons behavior? Yes. I have been applying this all wrong. I was fully aware I could not control another persons drinking........but, I fell into trying to control and/or avoid their behavior while dealing with a dry and an active A.

Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are? I do not trust my own feelings. I go from trusting them, then, back to not trusting them. I do know what they are and that is why I don't yet trust them.......I don't want to cause any harm by my words for instance, if I am angry, or by my silence if I am angry......or very stressed......

How well do I take care of myself? Right now, showing up for meetings, reading al-anon books, literature are my way of taking good care of myself. I haven't been doing very well lately taking care of me.......

How do I feel when I'm alone? Great!

If I say yes when I want to say no. What happens to my life when I do that? It comes back to bite me in the rear. I am better at saying no now, it's the emotions behind it when I say it at times that cause feelings of guilt when I do say "no."

Do I take care of others easily but find it difficult to take care of myself? Not as often these days. I used to spend every waking moment helping others as a counselor and such......I'm isolating too much. I also used to work as a caregiver and did an inventory on this area.......I did not like what I saw and very fearful these days, the past 2 years.....

__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 911
Date:

Hello Tude Welcome I appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts on this extremely important Step. Please do continue to share the journey as your honesty and insights are indeed powerful. Love how you are taking good care o yourself  



__________________
Betty
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.

Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us

Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)

Al-Anon

Courage to Change

The 12 Steps 
For Adult Children

Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums
Recovery Book Store

http://www.12stepforums.net/books.html

All Books in our bookstore are recovery related books, please visit the store and make a purchase for yourself or someone you want to shine some love on!

Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

 

 

Daily Affirmations for Adult Childern

When you buy a book you are helping support Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums

We have over 100 recovery books in our bookstore which is affiliated with Amazon.com.  The fastest, safest and easiest way to get your new reading material sent directly to you.