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Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step 2 (October 1 2017)


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Alanon Step 2 (October 1 2017)


Step Two; "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

 

C2C page 240:  when I was dealing with alcoholism without the help of Al-Anon, I developed coping skills-- these are no longer enough.   Al-Anon is teaching me a new and better set of skills. I will try to be patient with myself as I am doing fine. Quote is from Seneca; "as long as you live keep learning how to live.

My Share

I love how this step is written as I feel that it assures me that if I do not already believe that there is a power greater than myself that I can trust ,I will come to believe in this power simply by attending meetings and attempting to use the tools.

When I first entered program I hade lost all faith and trust in the God of my understanding .   I must note that my attitudes toward religion and God were distorted by my childish expectations, and without realizing it. I was constantly praying for my will to be done and  had d not ever learned to pray for guidance of courage.  Entering program, Listening to learn at meetings, keeping an open mind. I soon discoveredm y mistaken attitudes and slowly began to embrace the possibility of a loving higher power-who could and would assist me in living my life with courage and wisdom.  

As I picked up the tools of living one day at a time, not projecting to the future or living in the past, stoped gossiping, and  blaming others, I soon was able to focus on myself, my inner thoughts, dreams, and fears. This ability to go inward allowed me  to hear the small voice of guidance, which was whispering very quietly within. How surprised I was to discover this was my higher power and  this power had my best interest at heart.  I must confess that most of my life I placed  other people's interests above myself  and made myself invisible.  My higher power wanted me to validate myself and my needs in a constructive, wholesome manner.

 I am ever grateful for this powerful awareness. I have heard it said this step states "came to believe"  and can be reworded as follows; " came to" meaning the stopped being unconscious  . Then we came to believe--  I think it worked that way for me..  

Thank you for letting me share

 Step two questions from Paths to Recovery;

 

What can I do to try to see others as God sees them? 

 

How can I express God's will and my actions towards others, including the alcoholic?

 

How do I feel about turning my life over to a higher power for guidance? 

 

If I'm unfamiliar able to make this decision. What holds me back?i

 

When I let go and let God take care of my life and my willing to follow that guidance I received?

 

What can I do with my loved ones makes decisions. I don't like?

 

On to Step 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



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Betty
a4l


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I would like to spend time thinking about what prevents me from practicing turning it over. Sometimes i do hand it over and the results are always good. But once things start going well, I stop feeling able to do it. I have learned to hand it over when the dirt hits the fan, but am not so good at turning it over at every little step of the journey. Then i end up being back at square one.

Sometimes in order to see people the way God sees them, I need to not be physically around them. I can have relationships that are loving when i'm not dependent on them for major emotional needs like love and acceptance. I guess that's about not getting bread from the hardware store. Acceptance is a big one for me. That which i fear most usually leads me to preemptively bring it about so i feel a sense of control over it. I know when I do this that i am not truly accepting powerlessness nor turning it over. It is also why i need the AA part of the programme because when I drink alcohol, all of my 12 step wisdom flies out the window and im running on emotional instinct which is almost never reliable.

when i do let go and let god, i always receive exactly what it is that I need. Not always what I want, though sometimes that too, but i am never let down by my higher power when i trust in it. I do sometimes get confused about what constitutes a higher power, because I was bought up in organised religion, but intellectually I reject much of religion. But when it comes down to it, the spiritual comfort i have known has never cared too much where my thoughts were on the matter in any event.

So i guess the barrier to turning it over also comes from a place of self worth. I do not really have a naturally high amount of self-worth. Soemtimes i think up reasons as to why even my HP may not wish to be bothered with me.

wow its quite something to write out all the muddle. thanks bettty.


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Hi A41 It really is informative to take the time to respond to the questions in writing. I know that in the beginning of this Alanon journey I would often revert to my old behavior. once the crisis had passed. One of the readings in the C2C suggests that our defects build nests in our hair and that once we release these defects, they fly over head ready to fly back in to the nest we have built. This reading gave me a picture of my defects and how I do embrace them. i was then able to look for more healthy responses to life and to date i m pleased to say "It works " Acceptance is the key
Thanks for sharing your thoughts

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Betty


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What can I do to try to see others as God sees them? 
 
How can I express God's will and my actions towards others, including the alcoholic?
 
How do I feel about turning my life over to a higher power for guidance? 
 
If I'm unfamiliar able to make this decision. What holds me back?i
 
When I let go and let God take care of my life and my willing to follow that guidance I received?
 
What can I do with my loved ones makes decisions. I don't like?

This seems like a hard step and I feel that it is fear that is holding me back. I know I should trust God's will because his plan is always better than mine, but I am afraid and I don't like the idea of facing the situation even though I know God only wants the best for me. This is confusing, even as I write this. The only way I can work on truly seeing others as God sees them is a little at a time and for me through prayer. "Give me eyes to see others as you see them" Not always easy
Turning my life over to a higher power for guidance at this point seems like the only way, because my way has not been working. So I guess I am in a good place if I can see that finally.
I think fear has held me back for so long and I let fear guide me. It has caused me to be reactive and emotional. Unable to rationalize and make good sound decisions for so long.
Letting go and let God, sounds wonderful and I think I will need to learn a lot more and hope that I can start to do just that. I do not want the burden anymore.
This is the hardest, but I am hopeful with time I can learn that I am only responsible for me. This is so hard when their decisions or actions affect my life.

I am hoping that working these steps and putting them into practice will get easier and I will start to see some positive outcomes. Practice makes perfect!
 

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Kathy Cerney


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Hello Kathy Just keep showing up , sharing and using the slogans such as" Let go and let God" when confused and eventually you will discover that you have embraced the principles of this step. Remember you can always go back and rework the steps. i have done so often.

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Betty


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I shouldn't have this much trouble trusting in my Higher Power. He has proved faithful time and again. Yet I've struggled, like prying clinched fingers off of those I profess to love instead of letting go and trusting my God to love them even more. It's a recurrent lesson for me. I believe, yet I so frequently tend to act as if I don't! I know God is able, and I appreciate this place to again take a good look at how my own behavior, my own actions haven't corresponded with what I've proffessed. My life has again become unmanageable and I do believe that my Higher Power can restore me to sanity. I can trust him with my life--and with the lives of those I love.

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Hello Robin, I appreciate your honesty and apparent determination-- the steps are not easy however I found that they certainly were the key to my recovery.
I  am glad that you are here and are sharing the journey, so please do keep coming back.



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Betty


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going to go a bit slower thru this step

what can I do to try to see others as god sees them?

my concept of "god" is better than it used to be for sure. raised in a very conservative religious upbringing and during my teen years a minister's daughter.....omg!....thinking back on that! perfection was expected. and god the jeckle and hyde being to be feared. listened to many fire and brimstone sermons. it ran deep. even our thoughts were monitored by god and could be considered sinful. everything normal teens do was "sinful"....going to a school dance. dating. going to a theatre movie. the list goes on. thinking about it now with this step. god's love seemed to be contingent upon being sinless. putting others first. sacrifice. I could never live up to this.

I gave church a try again. it wasn't a good experience atho at the time I truly tried to fit in and make it work. I realized so much of church was dependent upon how much money you put in the plate. having a long family history in the church family. ect. at one time someone said to my face.......you will never fit in here and will always be an outsider. newbies weren't really welcome. this was wisc lutheran.......the clincher came when son started his very rapid downhill spiral with alcholol and drugs and going to there church high school. I had to walk away from it all. I isolated. shortly after sons death I got a letter from em. I was excommunicated due to non attendance and the last line of the letter excommunicated mike ...son...too. that was hurtful esp considering not one person from that church family reached out or attended the funeral.

I got involved briefly with a nice lady...psychic person out of town .....she was quite spiritual......that was the beginning of a shift from organized religion to spirituality. I learned if I ask god a question and needed some kinda answer. as painful as the truth might be the answer would unexpectly and clearly come in real life proof ways. I got selective with that as I learned I didn't need to put myself thru more pain than was necessary.

I have to continue to adjust my lenses how I see things and ppl. I was introduced to a different way to view god by someone in alanon here. a total eclipse. its a learning curve. I needed this question. I need to work thru it to understand god of love and what went on with my son. all his suffering stuff I went thru with him. I know I was totally powerless to change his life around. but I had hope it might come as he got older. his death has again shifted my outlook on god and how I see ppl.

I no longer believe in hell, fire and brimstone which is a positive. what did god see when he viewed my son? viewed my suffereing with him and thru his death? I see a lot of suffering and death ppl go thru in my work. how does god see all this suffereing of ppl? I see how nasty ppl can be to each other thru the interactions of ppl I work with and have experiences some that that personally.

maybe? I need to consider shifting my focus from how I personally see ppl and my judgementalism lately......mediate a bit with a focus on how does god see all this...........................................................................................................to be continued




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Hello Nurse Debbie, I appreciate your honesty and clarity and can certainly identify with challenging God and his choices for my life. I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon extremely upset with organized religion after the loss of my son to this dreadful disease,  I had nowhere else to go and  had really hit bottom,   I decided to keep coming back and attempting  to utilize this program to my advantage.--  Obtaining a sponsor was a great asset.

We proceeded through the steps, without  any discussion regarding God or religion, and when we reach the Third Step,it was suggested that Al-Anon is a 'spiritual program' and not a religious one  and that I could find my own concept of a loving Higher Power and proceed.  I did just that.-- My higher power is perfect love, wisdom, compassion, understanding, strength and gentleness.  I accepted the fact that the perfect Higher Power, would at times  act in ways that I could not understand and that trusting this all-powerful wise being was something that I had to accept.  i saw that when I practiced my religious beliefs, that I  had prayed for MY will and when My will was not honored, I despaired.  I did learn that I needed to pray for HP's will and the power to carry it out as the 11th Step suggests.  What a difference!!!  Today I simply pray for: acceptance . courage, serenity and wisdom.

 

Here is a prayer that works for me :

Today look upward toward God, not downward toward yourself. Look away from unpleasant surroundings, from lack of beauty, from the imperfections in yourself and those around you. In your unrest, behold God's calmness: in your impatience, God's patience; in your limitations, God's perfection. Looking upward toward God, your spirit will begin to grow. Then others will see something in you that they also want. As you grow in the spiritual life, you will be enabled to do many things that seemed too hard for you before.

 

Looking forward to sharing the journey.   



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Betty


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I tend to trust my Hp with big issues and when my serenity is all lost and I am on my knees. I have noticed I tend to pick up my program when I need it and put it down when I don't. I'm finding I'm constantly back to reworking the steps because of this. I would like it to become a daily part of my life rather than a go to in times of desperation . I definitely have a better understanding of my Hp recently as I've had to lean into the program heavily recently and I feel ... Calmer .. as a result of having faith in whatever it is. Something bigger than me . It's helping me step 2 to live in the day and stop reliving the past or panicking about the future as I've accepted it's out of my hands now . Without the worry to control and fix I'm finding I have more time and energy .


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Thank you Faith for sharing your Step rprocess with such clarity and honesty Moving on through the Steps will help to let go of the past completely and allow you to stay in the moment and in the day.

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Betty


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Newbie- I relate so much.

things are going well lately and did not work my program for a day and all I can "hear" my minds crticism of others, while they are being kind and pleasant, but I am just annoyed.  Why?, not sure, but likely because I have too much responsibility at this point and I just want to chill more.

So, before a conflict starts, which will if I stay this path... I thought I need to work my program, and just found this forum today. and so grateful, with running the household and being their for the kids, hard to get to more than one meeting a week. 

I am working step 2 now and I think I am just "coming to" believe that I need sanity.  I consider my self a pretty emotionaly balanced person, however I also believe there is something wrong with others when they are not treating me "fair", and I believe I am not good enough ( to keep up with others energy or intellect or just being fun). 

Through therapy and Alanon, I am learning that I may have a part in what seems to be mis treatment. Do I always speak the truth, or do I try to hide things, then feel guilty and then take it out on others, because I am not being fair to my self.  

one of the hard things to do is take care of myself.  I feel guilty giving myself time for things like this, or cleaning my office, since I could be helping others. However as I learned in step 1, if I do not do this self care, then I start to resent others and then I am not as kind as I "think" I am or as I want to be. So self care, however small- having a cup of coffee on the deck by myself...is critical to me being the person I want to be.

today for step 2, I will start to say let go, let God even before things feel insane. even though that may be step 3. 

this writing is so good for me, so thanks for this forum.

 

 

 



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What can I do to try to see others as God sees them? 

In reply to this... I have never seen this before. Wow, how does God see "him"?  I am sure with much more gratitude than I For him. him referring to the person who gets under my skin.  I will add this to my efforts today. So in addition to let go, let God, i will ask God to share with me, how he sees others, and show me their greatness. 



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Welcome ACA Mom Thanks for your clarity and honesty. Please do keep coming back and sharing the journey.

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Betty


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still working on this one.....lol

how can I try to see others as HP sees them?

had my vision tested and needed a new prescription and glasses.
when I first put them on it was amazing how things looked clearer and crisper.
for a few days I even had little bouts of dizziness adjusting.

this got me thinking about how I see others.

my attitude and ideas of how people should be and sometimes treat me are the "glasses" I see things thru.
taking a step back and putting some new lenses in the "glasses".....its not all about me.
I don't live in the skin of other ppl. everyone seems to have something they suffer with in one way or another.
some of which are invisible to others.

thinking back to my son. how one minute I could be upset about a choice or behavior or his usage. the next minute I could
see and feel inside me the pain underneath it all. no one chooses to live as he did. it was a miserable existence.

this is what Hp sees. Hp I would imagine isn't in a position to take things personally. he can see a bigger picture to it all.
what others cant see. accepting we are all human and imperfect would be a good start to seeing others as Hp sees them.










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Powerful awareness Nurse Debbie Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree completely .

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Betty
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