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Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step 3 (3-1-2018)


Guru

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Alanon Step 3 (3-1-2018)


Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God, as we understood him.
 
C2C reading page   23  At the start of each day I can make the decision to turn my will over to the care of God.  This way I start each day with the assertion that I am willing to accept the reality of my life and know i am moving in the right direction
 
My Share
I found it was very important to read each step closely and  attempt to understand each word and the concepts behind the step.  In  so doing I concluded that in Step three. I am simply asked to make a decision to turn my willll and my life over to the carre of a Higher Powerr.  It was clear, to me that if I made this decision, it did not guarantee that I would know how to actually turn my will over.  All I am asked to do in order to complete this step iss to "Make a decision to trust my life to this Powerr.--  
 
After "Coming to believe" in Step 2 it made perfect sense for me to decide to let go of my "negative fearful will" and trust a power greater than myself  with my life.   I decided to start each day by reciting the serenity prayer ,reading alanon literature and attend  at 3  meetings each week.  . I also found that  remaining present in each moment by using the slogans helped me to  not  react in situations that once  caused me to do so .  
 
I accepted the fact that by continuing to work the  Steps I would be lead  to the knowledge of how to turn my will over and receive the courage and wisdom to do so.   This is exactly what happened .   On to Step 4  
 
 

 

Activities

1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."

2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?

3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?

5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?

6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.

7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?

8. If  am unable to make a decision   hat hold me back?

9.What can I do if a loved n e makes a decision I do not like?

10. What can I do to try to see others as God see them?

11. List ways in which step 1 prepared you for step 3.

Do I trust my higher power to care for me ?. 

How  might step three help me to handle a situation created by other?s

 

When I let go and let God take care of my life and my willingness to follow that guidance I received?

 

How can I stop myself from taking my will back?

. How can I express God's will my actions and words toward others including the alcoholic?

 

 

 



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Betty


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Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God, as we understood him.

My Share
Step three has been a very important step for me. It's surrendering and finding peace in that surrender; it's trusting that everything will be ok if I just put my life in God's hands. I came into Al-anon devastated over my son's alcoholism and I struggled with the concept of a Higher Power. I felt isolated, lonely, alone, and absolutely terrified. I'd survived my husband's suicide and felt God's presence through that experience as I raised my children. However, when I discovered my son was an alcoholic and suicidal, I felt abandoned by God. I thought -- this time, God, you've given me too much. Now I'm so grateful to God. He's been there for me all along, waiting for me to invite Him back in. I love the way Pathways to Recovery gives shorthand to the first three steps by saying, "I can't. God can. I'll let him." For me, step three means I let my son go and place him in the care of his Higher Power. I am not abandoning my son; I am transferring his well-being from my care to God's care. I admit I cannot do it alone and the third step assures me I am not alone.

Activities
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."

I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well. I can't do this on my own and I am giving my life over to the care of God.

2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?

I would feel at peace. I would feel calm. I would not have the impulse to jump in and fix or control things.

3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

I think I have come to accept that I have no power to control events, outcomes, or people, although I think I still have little thoughts that maybe if I just say this... However, I try to remove those thoughts and meditate on acceptance when they come up. When I truly accept I have no power to control things, I don't give advice or stick my nose where it doesn't belong. I might share how I feel and think, but I don't repeat myself. That's different for me. What I do differently for myself is to live for me, focus on myself, and do things that bring me peace - read Al-Anon literature, spend time with friends, relax in a hot bath.

4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?

I don't think anyone can control me anymore than I can control anyone else. However, sometimes I allow myself to react to their behavior. If I weren't allowing myself to do that, I would be focusing on myself instead. I would feel peace and acceptance, which is what I really want.

5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?

I think it's manageable to accept something as okay for the present moment. And maybe that's the way I need to think about things in a crisis to which I find myself reacting. I would feel calm and that everything is ok. When I think about only the present moment, everything is ok.

6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.

I did this with a friend who was intrigued by the tremendous change she saw in me. I explained that through Al-Anon I learned put the focus on myself and I work on my own recovery and my own distorted thinking. I am responsible for myself and my choices and I have no control of other people, places, or things. I accept the things I cannot change, and I am powerless over alcoholism and other people, but I am not helpless.

7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?

This has been a difficult question for me for some reason. I think I need to learn more about meditation and connecting with my Higher Power. Meditating and seeking my Higher Power have done wonders for me in times of crisis, so continued practice and reading the literature on these topics to help me connect will probably be the most loving, nurturing thing I can do to take care of myself and learn how to enjoy life. One of the things I've learned about myself is that I've developed a lot of great survival skills that have served me well for a long time, but learning to enjoy life is new for me.

8. If am unable to make a decision what holds me back?

When I'm unable to make a decision, it's because I don't trust myself. I often feel there's a right way to do things and I feel compelled to figure out just what that is. I ask other people what to do out of fear and it only leads to confusion because everyone has a different opinion. I'm realizing I often make other people my Higher Power and this is something I've been working on changing.

9.What can I do if a loved one makes a decision I do not like?

If a loved one makes a decision I don't like, I need to remind myself that my loved on is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from my own. This is challenging for me when it comes to my children even though they are ages 15 and 21. I feel like I'm their mother and I should share my experience with them. Since I've joined Al-Anon, this has improved, but in the recent past, I always felt I knew best and that I should always tell them what I think they should do and how they should do it. As I type this, it seems I felt I was their Higher Power, which I have no business being. A mom can provide guidance without critiquing all her children's decisions. I am quite sure this is why my children aren't very interested in opening up to me. I was always giving them my opinion about what they should do, even after they'd already decided something for themselves about something that wasn't my business (a school project, an argument with a friend, etc.). I'm learning that I need to really listen to my children and respect their decisions. I heard at an Al-Anon meeting -- "Listen and let go and let the conversation flow. They tell me more that way." It's so true.

10. What can I do to try to see others as God see them?

Try to let go of my preconceived notions and accept people as they are. I can go back to step one and remind myself I am powerless over people, places, and things and respect them for the people they are (not what I wish them to be).

11. List ways in which step 1 prepared you for step 3.

Understanding I am powerless over alcohol and that my life has become unmanageable helps me prepare to give it over to a power greater than myself. In step one I learned that when I try to control others, I lose the ability to manage my own life. I also learned in step one that I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. Learning these things made it easier to give my life and will over to the care of God. It helped me understand that I loved, protected and taught my son throughout his life, but he is not mine to keep. I am not all wise and all powerful. I cannot remove his disease. Letting my son go and placing him in the care of God is not abandoning him. I am transferring my son's well being from my care to God's.

12. Do I trust my higher power to care for me?

Yes, I trust my Higher Power to care for me. I only need to to turn to my Higher Power in times of need or when I feel uncertain about what to do. I have full confidence my Higher Power will guide me.

13. How might step three help me to handle a situation created by other?

When a situation created by another occurs, I can turn to my Higher Power for guidance. Is this a situation I cannot change? If so, my Higher Power can help me find peace in acceptance. I started a God box as part of step three. I write down any problems or worries that are out of my control and put it in my God box, turning that problem or worry over to God. Once I give it over to God, I will not take it back. I fully give it over to God.

14. When I let go and let God take care of my life, am I willing to follow that guidance I received?

Absolutely. It took me some time to reconnect with my Higher Power, but once I did, I've learned that I always find peace when I seek my Higher Power and I am always steered in the right direction. I have found that answers come to me and they feel right.

15. How can I stop myself from taking my will back?

When I feel myself reverting to earlier ways (obsessing about problems, worrying about others), I can meditate and bring myself back to the now by focusing on my breath. I can then ask my Higher Power to help me with acceptance. One thing I do to stop myself from taking my will back is I have a rule for my God box. Once I write down a worry or problem and put it in my God box, I cannot take it back. I must fully give it over to God.

16. How can I express God's will in my actions and words toward others including the alcoholic?

Turning to my Higher Power for guidance when feeling uneasy or unsure can help me express God's will in my actions and words toward others. In times of uncertainty, I can ask my Higher Power to speak through me. I can feel the difference between when I'm expressing God's will in my actions and words.



-- Edited by Growing on Saturday 24th of March 2018 01:02:00 PM

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Guru

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Date:

Good Morning Growing thank you for your important share on this powerful Step. I agree we are not abandoning our loved ones when we admit powerlessness- we are merely allowing HP to guide their lives.

Thank you for sharing the journey

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Betty


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Posts: 15
Date:

Hello Betty

Thank you for the chance to share on step 3.
I am struggling a little at the moment. Struggling with my will vs. God's will, and telling the difference between the two. Also with making someone else my higher power - there is a person in my life who believes and behaves as if she is the higher power for all within our organisation, particularly me; it is difficult for me to find my own thoughts and space, to find God's will, to separate my will from her will, and in fact the 3 intertwined are quite confusing at present.

1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
I have turned my will and my life over to the care of God today. I need to do what is in front of me, just for today."

2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would feel at peace. I would know that other possibilities were not for me, and it was not my timidity, laziness, lack of character, leadership or defect in personality that was preventing me from attaining all the other possibilities. I would laugh and smile more, knowing that all was on track, on schedule.

3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would reassure others. I would stop engaging in the drama of situations. I would, in my spare time, create things, and use my time to do what I love doing.

4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
If I weren't allowing someone else to control me, I would be doing less administration, and more that is in line with my skills and training than I am doing now. Today I would show kindness to everyone, whichever side of the argument they are on. I would feel free, and a little untouchable.

5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
Maybe i would feel that I am a bit spineless, or that I allow others to walk all over me. Maybe I would feel that I need to develop a back-bone and stand p for myself. If I weren't fighting or resisting, I would be talking, communicating openly, and sharing how I feel.

6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I feel discomfort when people disagree or argue. I want to contribute equally and openly, and have my voice and ideas heard. I need to have autonomy and freedom, and time to think, research, and write. I think I have the potential to be a better person, if I did not make other people my higher power.

7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
Exercise, drinking water, getting enough sleep; basically looking after my health. I have the opportunity for a few days with loved ones beside the sea, but I am almost desperate not to go - because enjoying life is something I am not comfortable with, and I find it hard to do.

8. If am unable to make a decision hat hold me back?
Displeaseing people, and being isolated, and out in the cold.

9.What can I do if a loved n e makes a decision I do not like?
I can accept it without creating a drama, and allow that person to be responsible for his own life and happiness.

10. What can I do to try to see others as God see them?
Allow space for them to speak and express themselves. Listen more, before reacting and responding. Listen and witness and love them.

11. List ways in which step 1 prepared you for step 3.
In Step 1 I learnt to surrender. I learned the relief of surrender, and learning the three C's - cause, control, cure. I can't do any of these. I learnt that I am powerless over so much, which prepared me for handing my will and my life over, to be handled.

Do I trust my higher power to care for me ?
Yes.

How might step three help me to handle a situation created by others?
It is helping me right now to handle a situation created by others - the realisation that I cannot control others, or what they think. I don't have to influence a situation by creating more drama, I can stay calm knowing the situation is handled, and that my self-will is not going to get in the way.

When I let go and let God take care of my life, am I willing to follow that guidance I received?
I still get confused about whose will I am paying attention to, and how and in what ways I can hear God speak. Finding the guidance, right now, is the toughest part for me. Is it God's will, or is it her will? If I surrender, and go with the flow, am I allowing someone else to act as my higher power, with their own self-will?

How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Prayer, reading, meditation, and trying to connect more deeply with my higher power.

. How can I express God's will my actions and words toward others including the alcoholic?
I can ask for guidance and awareness. I can re-work steps 1 through 3, and use the slogans and allow others to be who they are without my interference or efforts to influence and control.

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Date:

Hello Midnight Jane I too struggled with this step when I first attempted to let go of my needing things my way. Using the slogans and continuingto come back to meetings helped tremendously.
Love your honesty and clarity Thanks for sharing the journey

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Betty
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