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Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step 5 (4-29-2018)


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Alanon Step 5 (4-29-2018)


tep Five:  Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs 
 
C2C reading page 266 ." Whether we practice this step by listening or speaking we open ourselves as channel for our Higher Power. More often than not there something that sheds light on our owns situation ..
 
My share;
My first Fifth step was all over the place and included most of the actual defects that I had un covered in the fourth step. Since this was my first attempt, my sponsor suggested that the next time I worked the steps, I should look a little deeper to see the; "exact nature of my wrongs".
The next time around, I did do as suggested and discovered that many of my defects were simply reactions to my inner, anxiety and fear. It appears that I learned how to change these feelings into anger, resentment, judgment sand criticism of others so as I  could  avoid feeling the overwhelming fear inside.
Al-Anon had a solution  for this.  All I Needed to do- was to quietly develop faith and trust in my HP, learn to not react and to pray for courage and guidance instead.I did this by attending meetings, reading the daily readers every day, sharing at meetings calling my sponsor, daily, you can to
The Steps work and that is why I redo them each year so as to uncover any other hidden defects

Step five questions
 
Can I  see that I am not perfect?

Have I isolated myself?
Do I believe that sharing with another person  can break isolation?

What is the one thing and don't want to tell another person can I start there first?

Doing this step, whatever the exact nature of my  wrongs ,am I afraid to admit my faults?
 
Can I make. Make a list of my fears?

Have been telling someone nature of my wrongs enhance my ability to see myself?
 
What is the one thing I don't want to tell another person.?
 
What have I learned from about fear, honesty, trust and acceptance?
?
Is there anything I have left out?
 
 
 
 
 

 

 


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Betty


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Step Five: Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

My share:
I haven't gotten to the fifth step with my sponsor yet, but being able to post on this board and think about each step monthly is something I find helps me reflect on, get a deeper understanding of, and some practice with all the steps I've read so much about.  When I think about the word "Admitted" in step five, it brings me back to step one - Admitted we were powerless over alcohol.  It reminds me that I am powerless over the effects of alcohol and understand that my survival skills as a child growing up in an alcoholic family may have served me well at the time, but are now defects of character.  These defects have hurt me, hurt others, and have distanced others from me.  To be able to recognize my defects of character in step four and then to share my defects with God, myself, and my sponsor will, I hope, be very freeing.  


Step five questions:

Can I see that I am not perfect?  Oh yes, I definitely know I'm not perfect.  Before I came to Al-Anon, I was very controlling and judgmental, with most of the judgment targeted at myself.  I thought I had to be perfect to make up for everything and everyone else.  I agonized over every little mistake I ever made.  This is something I'm still working on and perhaps will be working on for the rest of my life, although I hope over time it becomes easier.  I think most of my being judgmental came from the deep sense of shame I had growing up in an alcoholic family and thinking that the way I was raised wasn't right.  From this experience, I thought I knew the "right" way and I could teach everyone else how they should be.  Step one was huge for me - understanding that others are individuals with habits, characteristics, and ways of dealing with things that are different than my own.   

Have I isolated myself?  Maybe sometimes.  I think mostly I have a sense of when I need time to myself and would be more likely to overdo things than to isolate myself.  


Do I believe that sharing with another person can break isolation?  Yes, I can recognize how this will break isolation and be very freeing.  It sounds daunting to me, but I have faith and trust in the steps and that they're in an order that will help me prepare for this important step.   

What is the one thing I don't want to tell another person and can I start there first?  I'm not sure yet.  I think most likely it will be admitting to myself that while I may have done the best I could at the time, my children have been affected by being raised by an adult child of an alcoholic (me).  While I wanted, more than anything, to give them a much happier childhood than I had and for them to have joyful childhood memories, I think it will be extremely painful to explore the pain my children had.  It hurts me deeply to think about this because my intention to give them a happy childhood was so strong.  I think looking at exactly how I may have hurt my children will be very hard to accept and share.

Doing this step, whatever the exact nature of my wrongs, am I afraid to admit my faults?  I don't think it will be as difficult to admit my faults as it will be, as I stated in my last answer, to accept how I may have hurt my children.  

Can I make a list of my fears?  I'm afraid of so many things.  I'm afraid of making a mistake.  I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing and hurting others.  I'm afraid of others judging me unfairly.  As I write this, it's clear to me that I operate out of a deep sense of shame.

Have been telling someone nature of my wrongs enhance my ability to see myself?  While I haven't gotten to step five with my sponsor, I've been sharing the character defects I've discovered in the earlier steps and it's amazing what I've learned about myself.  While some of it has been painful, I'm so grateful because I can't change what I don't recognize.  

What is the one thing I don't want to tell another person?  It's not that I don't want to tell another person about how I may have hurt my children, but I know it will be painful to really explore how I have hurt them when my intention was the opposite - to give them the joyful, happy childhood I didn't have.  

What have I learned from about fear, honesty, trust and acceptance?  I've learned that I have many fears that are based in shame and guilt.  And I've learned that honesty and trust are key to setting myself free.  I think what I'm learning about acceptance is that I have to accept myself and to accept that I have been profoundly affected by the effects of alcohol.  By accepting, I can acknowledge my character defects.  As my sponsor as told me, first comes awareness.  The next essential step is acceptance.  I must find acceptance before I can move on to take action.  


Is there anything I have left out?  I have some notes on step five - By blaming others, I'm avoiding working on myself.  Also, I am human and make human errors.  Talking about my mistakes can diminish their size.  Step five can help me experience personal acceptance and support and can teach me greater patience and acceptance of others as well as myself.  I can let go of the need for perfection and become more human.  



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Posts: 950
Date:

Hello rowing You are indeed "growing:. Thanks for participating on the Board and sharing your recovery with us. You are indeed an inspiration

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Betty
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