Recovery, for me, has been very mental at first.  My recovery has been one with relapses.  But I don't know what the relapses mean.  Certainly, my behavior has become very childish and criminal when was last in the blackouts.  I mean, it was the hangover and the blackout which, ultimately, persuaded me to abandon my relationship with alcohol.

But, there's all these "approaches" to recovery.  I believe that it is wrong to categorize routes to a spiritual transformation.  In my gradual recovery, I HAD to feel the pain again and again.  Although there were less and less events, the chaos unleashed when I drank increased.  That's a real curious aspect of alcoholism - the chaos associated with the blackouts and then the purification of the hangover. 

They say there's a very strong sexual desire during heavy hangovers.  There must be thousands of wackos out there like me who drank to their own disadvantage.  There were times when I could drink no more.  When I simply endured the dreadful event of detoxification.  There's lots of events in which I find myself desiring alcohol in moderation.  I wonder in my thoughts if I could moderate this time.  I believe that spiritual accomplishments might allow this sudden and inexplicable moderation.  But I doubt it.  There's the conflict between the alcoholic thought and the sane thought process.

Any thoughts?

Hang Overs and Blackouts Hi, I am BLESSED, Why? Because I am Sober, A Child OF GOD, Living One Day at a Time, I started drinking at weddings when I was small back in 1962. My Dad was a Drinker so I always had access. I didn't really get my first hangover until I was 13. That's when I left home for the first time. I was a Heavy Everything user. When I first started to drink it was like everything else that I tried. I did it in excess! I didn't want to be like DAD so I went for the Drugs. Alcohol was my buddy though. Anyway, I drank until I threw up, passed out, blacked out. it didn't matter I grew up with it, seemed normal to me. I would go out to get drunk party, dance, sleep around, you know, then pass out, forget where you are, throw up, get up, then take off. Then start all over again! I drank long enough in my life until I was hospitalized with Alcohol poisoning, blackouts, disabilities, and seizures. Thank you God for not letting me DIE. I never would have quit had GOd not LOVED me enough to save me and A.A. had not been there for me 3 months after I tried to stay sober on my own. Blackouts were a regular thing for me so if I smashed into a car or wrecked something I got off most of the time. Either I knew someone or I had the money to pay my way out. I was horrible, spoiled rotten, and I got away with so much it's amazing! I would pay for a Taxi with 2 drivers, one would drive my car, the other would drive the cab so I got home safe and passed out. No D.U.I. for me. My Seizures lasted for 2 years and were Miraculously healed by God as was my drinking. I had one of the worst last bottoms. I will never Forget it as long as I live. Reminding me to never go back. Thanks for the posting, Blessed