Step 1 - Adult Children of Alcoholic/Dysfunctional Families
amanda2u2 said
May 24, 2007
Step 1 from "The 12 Steps for Adult Children" revised
p.21 "We live in a culture that places a high value on individual accomplishment. Most of us, from the time we were small children, were bombarded by the ideal of high achievement. Being competetive in school, sports, and business is viewed as important in our society. We are taught that if we compete hard enough we will be 'winners' and, therefore, good people. If, however, we don't measure up to what is expected of us and are 'losers', we believe we are failures...
"Although our behavior has caused us nothing but stress and pain, it is difficult to let go and trust that things will work out well. We may experience confusion, drowsiness, sadness, sleeplessness, or turmoil. These are normal responses to the severe inner struggles we are experiencing. It is important to remember that surrender requires great mental and emotional energy as well as determination...
"As we begin to accept the reality of our condition, we naturally reach out to others for answers... No matter how many outside sources we seek, there will be no relief for us until we, by ourselves, in our own minds and hearts, acknowledge our powerlessness. Then, and only then, will we begin to see that Step One is the beginning of a way out...
"Step One is an ongoing committment. We must remember that our damaging traits, habits, and behaviors are a part of us. They are unconscious reactions to the stresses of life. As we notice self-defeating behaviours and reactions surface, we can admit our powerlessness and seek help from a Higher Power. This simple act opens the door to the healing change we seek...
"We need to be totally honest, drop the disguises, and see things as they really are. When we stop finding excuses for our behaviour, we will have taken the first step toward achieving the humility we need to accept spiritual guidance. It is through this spiritual guidance that we can begin to rebuild ourselves and our lives...
"As we progress through the Steps, we will discover that true and lasting change does not happen by trying to alter our life conditions. Although it is tempting to think so, outside adjustments cannot correct inside problems. Extraordinary healing requires surrendering the belief that we can heal our lives by manipulating our environment. Our willingness to work the Steps will enable us to begin our true healing, which starts on the inside."
Blessed said
Jun 5, 2007
Step One
When I first started to get well. Off alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, immoral lif for about a year style. I had to let go of everything and everybody I knew. Second I got away from the dysfunction in my immediate family meaning my parent's, sisters, etc. I couldn't speak, write, visit, or spend any time with my family at all. I was to sick and they were also.
My Sponsor at that time said that all I could do was continue to raise my little boy at that time who was 9, walk, do the 12-steps, go to meetings, meet my sponsor on the days we set up for appointments, read my Recovery books and to set and keep my boundaries.
I walked, I prayed to a God that I hadn't personally met yet. I cried until I thought I had no more tears.
"Let go and Let God" is an old slogan and it makes it simple. Step one is like that Turn it over everyday because really we don't have control anyway. We have daily struggles just like everyone else, and with God's help we will get to the other side of each one of them. One at a time. I have a wonderful relationship with my parent's today, I know when to say YES or NO. It is really awesome to step back and let God do what he is best at making our lives a Success while we are here.
I have Hope today because I have been able to withstand torential rains and storms of life. All sober, honest, and without runnig away from my marriage or anyone or anything else today. We have seen Cancer, Diabetes 2, Jon's 4th Job lose, disability My only Son a prodigal. My relationship with my Higher Power whom I have a personal relationship with. It's not a feeling, it's not a Religion, but a FAITH in JESUS CHRIST whom I LOVE and call Lord of my LIFE.
Blessed said
Jun 11, 2007
Hi,
I have ben the only one in Recovery up until my husband joined recently. We go to our Church for a Bible based Recovery program. It is different than any of these but I still ffeel at home with any of the 12-steps because I first got my beginning in A.A. and the 12-steps in those rooms.
My parent's the other day were not a joy to be around. I have been an adult child of Parents that don't know God or his Son Jesus. Both parties are constantly struggling blamming the other all the time for ther unhappiness. I am never around my family without someone gossiping about the other. It is very sad and painful for me and I have told them all, including siblings the pain of it as well as the dysfunction of beating each other up with words.
I find myself doing the same behavior towards my husband of almost 12 years. He takes the role of one of my parents and I the other. I want God to remove the defects of Charecter so much that I have prayed, worked steps, and prayed some more. I know that I will be well and at peace once I let go fully to GOD. Surrendering my flesh to GOd and no longer try to run the show myself. Then and only then will it work out.
Being obedient to God is all he asks back in return once I was saved. He Loves me, provides for me. My Blessings some important are ME, GOD, My Son, my Husband, a future, freedom, a Church, family, friends, artistic ability, beautiful home, cars, money, our dogs and a life worth living again. Praise you Lord!
All this would not be possible without GOD and his word, Sobriety, His Children, Recovery, and my Husband and best friend.
Love You all
Blessed said
Oct 11, 2007
STEP ONE
I cried like a baby to my girlfriend the other day. She broke into prayer and we shared like we never had before, especially her for the first time in 10 years.
The night before I wasn't nice I was extra sensitive and down right angry, scared, confused and I had no clue how to STOP the feelings. SO instead of being a grown up. I displayed a tone in my voice of anger. One that she picked up on and later called me huffy, spiteful and a few other choice words.
Wheter she was right or not doesn't make a diference to me, today. However, It did the. Our friendship was on the brik of loosing it again over petty jealousy and POWERLESSNESS. But deep down it was something that had nothing to do with her at all. It had to do with someone in my family that is active in there alcoholism and that has charges in the systme that could put them into Prison for a long time.
I didn't realize that my life was so unmanageable until I fell apart over this because I had bottled it up so tight.
It is my prayer that GOd takes full control over this situation that I have "NO CONTROL OVER" that I have no way to help with an attorney for $20,000.00. THe facts are that we have run out of juice and we are all Powerless over this. GOd give me strength to get through this, or aquite him now. In Jesus Name. We need a Miracle Lord.
Amen Pam
Step 1
from "The 12 Steps for Adult Children" revised
p.21 "We live in a culture that places a high value on individual accomplishment. Most of us, from the time we were small children, were bombarded by the ideal of high achievement. Being competetive in school, sports, and business is viewed as important in our society. We are taught that if we compete hard enough we will be 'winners' and, therefore, good people. If, however, we don't measure up to what is expected of us and are 'losers', we believe we are failures...
"Although our behavior has caused us nothing but stress and pain, it is difficult to let go and trust that things will work out well. We may experience confusion, drowsiness, sadness, sleeplessness, or turmoil. These are normal responses to the severe inner struggles we are experiencing. It is important to remember that surrender requires great mental and emotional energy as well as determination...
"As we begin to accept the reality of our condition, we naturally reach out to others for answers... No matter how many outside sources we seek, there will be no relief for us until we, by ourselves, in our own minds and hearts, acknowledge our powerlessness. Then, and only then, will we begin to see that Step One is the beginning of a way out...
"Step One is an ongoing committment. We must remember that our damaging traits, habits, and behaviors are a part of us. They are unconscious reactions to the stresses of life. As we notice self-defeating behaviours and reactions surface, we can admit our powerlessness and seek help from a Higher Power. This simple act opens the door to the healing change we seek...
"We need to be totally honest, drop the disguises, and see things as they really are. When we stop finding excuses for our behaviour, we will have taken the first step toward achieving the humility we need to accept spiritual guidance. It is through this spiritual guidance that we can begin to rebuild ourselves and our lives...
"As we progress through the Steps, we will discover that true and lasting change does not happen by trying to alter our life conditions. Although it is tempting to think so, outside adjustments cannot correct inside problems. Extraordinary healing requires surrendering the belief that we can heal our lives by manipulating our environment. Our willingness to work the Steps will enable us to begin our true healing, which starts on the inside."