STEP 8 - "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all."
"Making amends helps us let go of the past. If we are wiling to make amends - and make them- we will be free to meet people and situations without fear. Our Higher Power will provide the opportunity for doing so."
I was first on my list. I was so hard on myself I made my emotional pain and illness worse with my own recriminations, denial, frustration and self-loathing.
Honesty and acceptance were keys to Step 8 and taking some time...step 4 helped to make the list.
There are so many ways to do a Step 8, it's worth checking with fellowship and or your sponsor.
One exercise recommends 9 weeks - just with index cards....one for each person, institution etc. Put the name of each one of the cards than put them away or carry them for 30 days. Without referring to the cards write about what will be the benefits of making these amends? Put this with the cards or carry this around with you. After 30 days take out the cards and make a brief note on each why/what the amends needs to be - an apology, express appreciation, forgiveness, time, money, a change of attitude or other. Put them away again for another 30 days. When you go back and look at the amends are there people who might be harmed by your amends? Are there people that really require an amends or is this just about you feeling guilty? If in doubt, check it out with EA fellow, sponsor, 5th step person.
This step says we need only be willing. sometimes an amend cannot be made. Perhaps a specific amend can never be made - but we were willing to make it if it had been possible.
ML said
Oct 7, 2007
I really can't say too much regarding Step 8. I would feel quite dishonest to say I have practiced it with vigilance or true clarity to the point I feel I am 'done'. I still seem to be in the process of working this step. I work 'alone' and have an online sponsor but no one here. I tend to confuse those I owe an amend to and those that were 'broken' when I found them. I seem to still be concentrated on amends to myself and immediate family, although I practice Step 10. Perhaps others would care to share on Step 8. I'll pass.
Blessed said
Oct 8, 2007
Hi everyone,
Today I practiced my 8th and 9th step again yesterday and today. I apologized to a girlfriend that hurt my feelings and I hurt hers. She actually lied to me. It festered, then got really infected and you know what happens after that right? It swells up and then causes extreme pain and has to be lanced and antibiotics given. So I lanced it! I removed her name off the packages she asked about yesterday, and am returning her money. Then Of course I am praying over it. Healing it with GOD's Promises, jounaling, the Word , so on.
She came back at me with words defining my personality like "HUFFY" "ANGRY" and "SPITEFUL." I don't have to accept that type of Attack on my personality. I asked for my own side of the street to be cleaned.
That is all I can do. Games of the type she wants to play are painful and bring up too many childhood pains for me to handle today, or even tomarrow.
Saying I am "SORRY" and please "FORGIVE ME" isn't easy, but it is necessary. Plus I feel a whole lot better. Bitterness only hurts the bitter person. So now I can rest peacefully. Amen
Thanks
"Making amends helps us let go of the past. If we are wiling to make amends - and make them- we will be free to meet people and situations without fear. Our Higher Power will provide the opportunity for doing so."
I was first on my list. I was so hard on myself I made my emotional pain and illness worse with my own recriminations, denial, frustration and self-loathing.
Honesty and acceptance were keys to Step 8 and taking some time...step 4 helped to make the list.
There are so many ways to do a Step 8, it's worth checking with fellowship and or your sponsor.
One exercise recommends 9 weeks - just with index cards....one for each person, institution etc. Put the name of each one of the cards than put them away or carry them for 30 days.
Without referring to the cards write about what will be the benefits of making these amends? Put this with the cards or carry this around with you.
After 30 days take out the cards and make a brief note on each why/what the amends needs to be - an apology, express appreciation, forgiveness, time, money, a change of attitude or other. Put them away again for another 30 days.
When you go back and look at the amends are there people who might be harmed by your amends? Are there people that really require an amends or is this just about you feeling guilty? If in doubt, check it out with EA fellow, sponsor, 5th step person.
This step says we need only be willing. sometimes an amend cannot be made. Perhaps a specific amend can never be made - but we were willing to make it if it had been possible.