I've been an AA/Alanon member for a long time, but have always got stuck on step 4, muddled through the rest of the steps, but was always frustrated with what seemed to be a lack of progress.

We don't have ACA meetings here.  I know I'm an adult child through and through, so It was wonderful to find and join this online community.

I have the best counsellor now that I've ever had, and I've had many over the years.  She's helped me so much with IC healing, grief work.

I've purchased the BRB and have worked through the 4th step to the best of my ability, using all the resources I can find for support.

Here's the problem - I'm very unsure about who do do the 5th step with.

I've already worked through so much with my counsellor before I even looked at the ACA 4th step.  She's not a 12 step counsellor.

I have such a fear of not doing this good enough, or making a mistake, I feel that I'll never get out of this 4th step

I've never been shy of telling people about myself, It's just that I keep telling people who aren't helpful.

Any ESH would be much appreciated.

Thank you,

London50. (Jo)

Part of working the steps is learning about humility. Perfection is for suckers. I am glad I learned that I had a perfectionist problem. I learned that shame made me believe I was perfectly worthless. Step 4 helped me see where a lot of my shame came from. I couldn't take a hard look at my childhood without seeing how my parent's choices affected my self-worth. It also gave me chance to let go of secrets that I had a lot of shame about. Doing Step 4 with help of HP means I don't have to do it perfectly, because its not necessary. All that matters is that I am able to open some wounds so that they can heal properly.

peace
dave

I am also working my step 4, using the alanon Blueprints to Progress book. I've been working on it since JUNE ~ and I keep procrastinating whenever I get to a topic that I don't want to dissect (like relationships for instance - which is where I am "stuck" now) ~

Like yourself, I also worried about doing the most "thorough" job possible. I felt like if I didn't do it perfectly then I'd never get better.

Interestingly - my needing to do it perfectly is also keeping me from getting better because I am not moving forward! So... what good is perfection.

In  recent meeting I heard someone put it best....
Perfection is a form of self abuse - YES! That is precisely what I am doing to myself - and it is what I've always done to myself.

So - I try to remind myself of that as I move forward with this step.
I am fortunate in that I have an excellent sponsor. She is who I will do step 5 with once I finish this step.

One thing I've learned - Jo - is to be gentle with yourself in this process. It is about progress, not perfection.

Take care of you - you're worth it :)

I'm working on Step 4 also & finding it quite hard, but also quite enlightening.  One way I have found to keep myself on track is to keep a daily diary or blog.  What I have found helpful is using a list of common ACA traits & going through them one at a time, listing specific examples of how I exhibit these charecteristics in my daily life & what impact or consequences it has on me & those around me.  When I am "done" I'm probably going to compile everything onto a sheet or sheets of paper & either burn them or put them in a box & bury them, kind of in a symbolic gesture of giving them over to my higher power.