"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God"
"Step 3 is the central theme of all the Steps. It is the point at which we make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God. It is an important cornerstone for building an effective and peaceful life... the commitment in Step 3 must be repeated more than once, as we are just beginning to turn things over to our Higher Power...
"Many of us come to this program with strong negative perceptions about the world in which we live. Those perceptions may be based on hurtful childhood experiences, misguided academic training, or simply the accumulated lessons of our lives. We may have perceived God to be unloving and judgemental. If we experienced violence as children, we may find it hard to trust. Whatever the source, our recovery is hindered if our beliefs make it difficult to let go of our fear and surrender our lives to God. In Step 3, we decide to take a leap of faith and put our lives in his hands...
"Until now, our perceptions of reality have led us into many obsessive/compulsive behaviors. Admitting our responsibility for these behaviors is often too difficult. It implies that we have not been "good people". Denial is our only recourse, and acts as a shield against facing ourselves as we really are. When denial is at work, it is like a shuttered window, closing out the sunlight. In Step 3, we begin to open the shutters and allow our Higher Power's light to enter. It gives us a source of light with which we can examine our behavior and understand reality...
"Although we began to know and trust our Higher Power, we may find it difficult to surrender total control of our lives. However, if the alternative is to face the loss of people or things vital to our lives, such as family, job, health, or sanity, guidance of a Higher Power might be easier to accept. Our lives may have many relationships that are being ruined by our behavior. Rather than being discouraged by these discoveries, we can use them to prompt our surrender to a power greater than ourselves...
"As we begin to allow God's will to act in our lives, our self-destructive tendencies become fewer and much less distracting. Often, the confusion and grief we cause ourselves and others prevent us from successfully working and praticing the steps. Making the decision to begin this journey is an act of great importance and should not be made in a time of emotional upheaval...
"As we surrender our lives and stop carrying the burdens of our past, we will begin to feel better about ourselves. The more we learn to trust in our Higher Power, the more we will trust ourselves and others. Our decision to choose God's way will restore us to the fullness of life. As we free ourselves from our self-will, we in turn free ourselves from much of our negative behaviors, and we are able to deal more effectively with the daily routine of our lives. Our impatience and irritibility disappear as we come to know our Higher Power's love and yearn to share it with others. Our lives include peace and serenity, and we become the persons we were meant to be...
"Step 3 may make us feel ew are losing our identity. We may think we are going to lose everything. Not knowing what is going to happen is frightening. Most of us have tried desperately to control our environment. Many of these behavior traits were developed during childhood and came about as a direct result of the circumstances in which we were raised. Deep within us may be a fearful childhood memory and a trembling child anxious about someone's anger, criticism, threats, or violence. As children, we tried to fix or take care of the people around us so they would not abandon us, leaving us with only broken promises and shattered dreams...
"The conditions in which we were raised often kept us from ever trusting in God. Our prayers have been unanswered, and we could not imagine how a loving God could be so cruel to us... As we work the Steps, we will get in touch with memories of childhood hurts. We also will begin to experience our Higher Power's healing love, and repair the damage that has been done. Then we can look forward to a return of childlike spontaneity, and a growing capacity to give and receive love and nurturing...
"Learning to trust in a Higher Power and accept support will enhance the quality of our lives. We will no longer feel the need to carry our burdens by ourselves... Our need to control people and events kept us isolated, but as we trust and surrender, we will begin to relate better with others. With God's presence, our sense of self-esteem will improve, and we will begin to recognize that we are worthwhile human beings. Our capacity to receive and give love will increase...
"Step 3... liberates us from the pressure of feeling responsible for everything and everyone, or expecting someone else to take responsibility for us...
"...If we experience a feeling of euphoria, it will not last forever. At times, we might revert to our old behavior patterns. At this point, we need only to recognize this. There are no saints in this program - we all have 'slips'...
"There is a paradox in the way this program works. The less we try to manage our own lives, the more effective we become. When we give up managing our own lives and trust in our Higher Power's plan for us, we find we are calmer and more accepting of things around us... "
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 00:46, 2004-12-19
anghusrns said
Dec 21, 2004
holy cow!!!!!
oops...
hey everyone....
that step said.......
MADE A DECISION!!!!!!!!
all this time i thought i had to have already handed my will and life over to the God of MY understanding..........
whew.....
a decision i have made....
i realize that i am only human....
i will make mistakes
soemdays not even try
i will not resolve the trust issues i have overnight
i will not get rid of the fears of letting go overnight
i will do
the best that i can each day
with the choices i must make
to support that decision
the step does not require perfection
but progress :)
that is me
one day at a time :)
i like that!!
take what you like and leave the rest,
praying for your peace as well as mine,
ang
Shell36 said
Dec 25, 2004
Again, just when I needed it. Wow, miracles do happen in this program.
Shell
drheathrann said
Jan 7, 2005
Thank you -- I don't have the ACoA book yet, though I once tried this program. I am now working SLAA as my primary program, but I know that my strange reactions to romantic relationships (avoidance and obsession) stem from my childhood issues (family alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic violence, and incest). This is another step that like the second step I have always taken for granted as part of second nature to me. I don't really relate to the way a lot of the addiction literature (like that above) describes these steps, because for me the God of my understanding was my only refuge from the insanity of my childhood home.... Whatever program I've tried to work, I always thought I was just naturally doing the second and third steps, that I didn't need to make any conscious effort in this direction. I would always just skip from the first step to the fourth in every program. The comment here about how the step talks about making a decision really helps me. I finally get that no matter what my spiritual life has been in the past and is now, part of my program is to really consciously think about these steps -- make a conscious effort, a decision. The Third Step prayer really helps me -- getting down on my knees and saying the words out loud each morning, each night (not that I always do it "perfectly" this way), is a really different experience. This step consciously reminds me that I am not in control of my life -- at least not if I want to be restored to sanity....
Thanks everyone!
littlebluedaisy said
Dec 2, 2011
This is something that I seem to be struggling with today. A part of me says, "of course, that is easy!" then another part of me says, "Do you really think you're ready for that?" I struggle with two views of a higher power, a loving and benevolent being and on the other side, a deity that doens't want me (I was asked to leave bible school when I was very young and carry that resentment with me). I am now Wiccan and I have a very loving higher power, but I still struggle with the idea of the old higher power that didn't want me. I realize my relationship with my higher power/powers has been stunted and I want to make it better.
I have recently decided to start to get to know my higher power better before I decide to turn anything over. I plan to start attending a church that is non-denominational and open-minded and tolerant of all spiritual paths. I know I'm not ready yet. I pray for my HP's guidance. I believe. That is all I can do right now.
From "The 12 Steps for Adult Children"
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God"
"Step 3 is the central theme of all the Steps. It is the point at which we make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God. It is an important cornerstone for building an effective and peaceful life... the commitment in Step 3 must be repeated more than once, as we are just beginning to turn things over to our Higher Power...
"Many of us come to this program with strong negative perceptions about the world in which we live. Those perceptions may be based on hurtful childhood experiences, misguided academic training, or simply the accumulated lessons of our lives. We may have perceived God to be unloving and judgemental. If we experienced violence as children, we may find it hard to trust. Whatever the source, our recovery is hindered if our beliefs make it difficult to let go of our fear and surrender our lives to God. In Step 3, we decide to take a leap of faith and put our lives in his hands...
"Until now, our perceptions of reality have led us into many obsessive/compulsive behaviors. Admitting our responsibility for these behaviors is often too difficult. It implies that we have not been "good people". Denial is our only recourse, and acts as a shield against facing ourselves as we really are. When denial is at work, it is like a shuttered window, closing out the sunlight. In Step 3, we begin to open the shutters and allow our Higher Power's light to enter. It gives us a source of light with which we can examine our behavior and understand reality...
"Although we began to know and trust our Higher Power, we may find it difficult to surrender total control of our lives. However, if the alternative is to face the loss of people or things vital to our lives, such as family, job, health, or sanity, guidance of a Higher Power might be easier to accept. Our lives may have many relationships that are being ruined by our behavior. Rather than being discouraged by these discoveries, we can use them to prompt our surrender to a power greater than ourselves...
"As we begin to allow God's will to act in our lives, our self-destructive tendencies become fewer and much less distracting. Often, the confusion and grief we cause ourselves and others prevent us from successfully working and praticing the steps. Making the decision to begin this journey is an act of great importance and should not be made in a time of emotional upheaval...
"As we surrender our lives and stop carrying the burdens of our past, we will begin to feel better about ourselves. The more we learn to trust in our Higher Power, the more we will trust ourselves and others. Our decision to choose God's way will restore us to the fullness of life. As we free ourselves from our self-will, we in turn free ourselves from much of our negative behaviors, and we are able to deal more effectively with the daily routine of our lives. Our impatience and irritibility disappear as we come to know our Higher Power's love and yearn to share it with others. Our lives include peace and serenity, and we become the persons we were meant to be...
"Step 3 may make us feel ew are losing our identity. We may think we are going to lose everything. Not knowing what is going to happen is frightening. Most of us have tried desperately to control our environment. Many of these behavior traits were developed during childhood and came about as a direct result of the circumstances in which we were raised. Deep within us may be a fearful childhood memory and a trembling child anxious about someone's anger, criticism, threats, or violence. As children, we tried to fix or take care of the people around us so they would not abandon us, leaving us with only broken promises and shattered dreams...
"The conditions in which we were raised often kept us from ever trusting in God. Our prayers have been unanswered, and we could not imagine how a loving God could be so cruel to us... As we work the Steps, we will get in touch with memories of childhood hurts. We also will begin to experience our Higher Power's healing love, and repair the damage that has been done. Then we can look forward to a return of childlike spontaneity, and a growing capacity to give and receive love and nurturing...
"Learning to trust in a Higher Power and accept support will enhance the quality of our lives. We will no longer feel the need to carry our burdens by ourselves... Our need to control people and events kept us isolated, but as we trust and surrender, we will begin to relate better with others. With God's presence, our sense of self-esteem will improve, and we will begin to recognize that we are worthwhile human beings. Our capacity to receive and give love will increase...
"Step 3... liberates us from the pressure of feeling responsible for everything and everyone, or expecting someone else to take responsibility for us...
"...If we experience a feeling of euphoria, it will not last forever. At times, we might revert to our old behavior patterns. At this point, we need only to recognize this. There are no saints in this program - we all have 'slips'...
"There is a paradox in the way this program works. The less we try to manage our own lives, the more effective we become. When we give up managing our own lives and trust in our Higher Power's plan for us, we find we are calmer and more accepting of things around us... "
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 00:46, 2004-12-19
holy cow!!!!!
oops...
hey everyone....
that step said.......
MADE A DECISION!!!!!!!!
all this time i thought i had to have already handed my will and life over to the God of MY understanding..........
whew.....
a decision i have made....
i realize that i am only human....
i will make mistakes
soemdays not even try
i will not resolve the trust issues i have overnight
i will not get rid of the fears of letting go overnight
i will do
the best that i can each day
with the choices i must make
to support that decision
the step does not require perfection
but progress :)
that is me
one day at a time :)
i like that!!
take what you like and leave the rest,
praying for your peace as well as mine,
ang
Again, just when I needed it. Wow, miracles do happen in this program.
Shell
Thank you -- I don't have the ACoA book yet, though I once tried this program. I am now working SLAA as my primary program, but I know that my strange reactions to romantic relationships (avoidance and obsession) stem from my childhood issues (family alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic violence, and incest). This is another step that like the second step I have always taken for granted as part of second nature to me. I don't really relate to the way a lot of the addiction literature (like that above) describes these steps, because for me the God of my understanding was my only refuge from the insanity of my childhood home.... Whatever program I've tried to work, I always thought I was just naturally doing the second and third steps, that I didn't need to make any conscious effort in this direction. I would always just skip from the first step to the fourth in every program. The comment here about how the step talks about making a decision really helps me. I finally get that no matter what my spiritual life has been in the past and is now, part of my program is to really consciously think about these steps -- make a conscious effort, a decision. The Third Step prayer really helps me -- getting down on my knees and saying the words out loud each morning, each night (not that I always do it "perfectly" this way), is a really different experience. This step consciously reminds me that I am not in control of my life -- at least not if I want to be restored to sanity....
Thanks everyone!
This is something that I seem to be struggling with today. A part of me says, "of course, that is easy!" then another part of me says, "Do you really think you're ready for that?" I struggle with two views of a higher power, a loving and benevolent being and on the other side, a deity that doens't want me (I was asked to leave bible school when I was very young and carry that resentment with me). I am now Wiccan and I have a very loving higher power, but I still struggle with the idea of the old higher power that didn't want me. I realize my relationship with my higher power/powers has been stunted and I want to make it better.
I have recently decided to start to get to know my higher power better before I decide to turn anything over. I plan to start attending a church that is non-denominational and open-minded and tolerant of all spiritual paths. I know I'm not ready yet. I pray for my HP's guidance. I believe. That is all I can do right now.