Step Four - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
From Paths to Recovery - Al-Anon's Twelve Steps, Traditions and Concepts. (copyright 1997, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)
Living with the disease of alcoholism can destroy self-esteem. Sick family members often point out our faults and shortcomings again and again until we fear taking an inventory. This is not the aim of Step Four. If we are likely to take the inventory only of our faults, it is advisable to return to the first three Steps until enough acceptance and trust in the help of our Higher Power has been achieved to approach Step Four with love, kindness, honesty and balance. It is essentioal that our inventory include our assets as well as our defects of character.
Love in Recovery - Dot
(((((((((all)))))))))
socalmom said
Dec 30, 2004
Hi Dot,
Thank you for posting Step 4.
For me, the first 3 steps were crucial to being able to really work Step 4. Once I understood that my HP made me very flawed, that it was OK NOT to be perfect, that it was OK to make mistakes then I could approach Step 4 knowing that it was to help me address my issues that were keeping me from leading a fulfilled, happy, peaceful life. Truly believing that my HP loves me just the way I am led the way towards loving and accepting myself for who I am. This doesn't mean that I could continue just doing what I wanted and making the same poor decisions. It just means that it was OK to be flawed.
Working through Step 4 with a friend, an Alanon sponsor or a therapist is wonderful. Believe it or not, it was great for me to see my flaws for what they were (and some still are!). My perspective of myself was so distorted because of the blame, accusations, name-calling, etc. from my husband it was very important to have someone else help me keep my flaws in perspective. With a lot of work, self reflection, writing in my dairy and disucssions with others I began to see myself as a whole person. The positive and the challenges. I began to understand that I had the ability to overcome my self doubt, perfectionism, judgementalism, fear (and a few others on that list!) to create the life I truly wanted. I also gained confidence in my positive qualities as they were reflected back to me by others.
Accepting myself with my positive qualities and challenges has led the way towards accepting others, just as they are.
No one stops me from achieving the kind of life I want but me. Step 4 opened the path for discovery, acceptance and love of myself.
Peace,
Jane
shimo said
Jan 16, 2005
Key to Step 4 is taking action....in other words "just do it!"
Naw!! Seriously now, I imagine there are as many different opinions on when and how this Step should be done as there are different personalities in Al-Anon. My sponsor suggested I relax about doing my Step 4 until the "fog" cleared from my head...the "fog" created by living with active alcoholism with no program and no support.
She had me convinced to wait and I am glad that I did. When I began writing my Step 4, it became evident to me that I no longer knew how I felt about alot of different things anymore. I used the Blueprint for Progress and was informed yes and no answers are not revealing, not searching and not fearless. I was also informed to approach this step with self-love, kindness, honesty and balance. It is also essential to our inventory to include our assets as well as our character defects.
I like Step 4 because it helps me take the focus off the alcoholism and put it on myself where it belongs because, I am worth it, I am important, I am courteous, I am kind, I am compassionate, I am strong, and I am in Al-Anon! There is nothing that God and I can't handle together!
Hi Dot,
Thank you for posting Step 4.
For me, the first 3 steps were crucial to being able to really work Step 4. Once I understood that my HP made me very flawed, that it was OK NOT to be perfect, that it was OK to make mistakes then I could approach Step 4 knowing that it was to help me address my issues that were keeping me from leading a fulfilled, happy, peaceful life. Truly believing that my HP loves me just the way I am led the way towards loving and accepting myself for who I am. This doesn't mean that I could continue just doing what I wanted and making the same poor decisions. It just means that it was OK to be flawed.
Working through Step 4 with a friend, an Alanon sponsor or a therapist is wonderful. Believe it or not, it was great for me to see my flaws for what they were (and some still are!). My perspective of myself was so distorted because of the blame, accusations, name-calling, etc. from my husband it was very important to have someone else help me keep my flaws in perspective. With a lot of work, self reflection, writing in my dairy and disucssions with others I began to see myself as a whole person. The positive and the challenges. I began to understand that I had the ability to overcome my self doubt, perfectionism, judgementalism, fear (and a few others on that list!) to create the life I truly wanted. I also gained confidence in my positive qualities as they were reflected back to me by others.
Accepting myself with my positive qualities and challenges has led the way towards accepting others, just as they are.
No one stops me from achieving the kind of life I want but me. Step 4 opened the path for discovery, acceptance and love of myself.
Peace,
Jane
Key to Step 4 is taking action....in other words "just do it!"
Naw!! Seriously now, I imagine there are as many different opinions on when and how this Step should be done as there are different personalities in Al-Anon. My sponsor suggested I relax about doing my Step 4 until the "fog" cleared from my head...the "fog" created by living with active alcoholism with no program and no support.
She had me convinced to wait and I am glad that I did. When I began writing my Step 4, it became evident to me that I no longer knew how I felt about alot of different things anymore. I used the Blueprint for Progress and was informed yes and no answers are not revealing, not searching and not fearless. I was also informed to approach this step with self-love, kindness, honesty and balance. It is also essential to our inventory to include our assets as well as our character defects.
I like Step 4 because it helps me take the focus off the alcoholism and put it on myself where it belongs because, I am worth it, I am important, I am courteous, I am kind, I am compassionate, I am strong, and I am in Al-Anon! There is nothing that God and I can't handle together!
Yours in recovery - Shimo (Jeri)