Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
"Many of us recognized that a characteristic of our sex and love addiction was that our lives were divided into carefully segregated compartments, underscored by secrecy and confidentiality. This was so, regardless of whether we had been promiscuous, or had maintained addictive romantic or emotional ties with more than one person at a time, or had been hooked into dependency on one person. Indeed, we even took pride in our ability to keep a secret, to keep our stories straight, to keep our feelings hidden, to go it alone. This brave, solitary strategy had an important payoff. If we were able to manage the maze of intrigue without discovery or could keep the one we were dependent on from knowing our true feelings, then we apparently never had to deal with the consequences of our actions. We could even deny to ourselves that there were such things as "consequences." What a tremendous incentive this was to stay closed and not reveal our true selves to anyone!
But in continuing to 'go it alone' we were suffering from emotional and spiritual constipation, unable to make constructive use of our experiences and emotions. Our inner condition resembled a trash compactor rather than a recycler. We were mired in our own sludge.
Step 5 was the way in which we began to allow our lives to become open. It had been difficult enough, through the lengthy process of Step 4, to become open to ourselves. Nevertheless, if we did not go further and share with another person what we had discovered about ourselves, our sobriety was in real danger. It was of no use to identify our powerlessness to manage our own lives without a return to addictive patterns, if we were now to attempt a solitary reconstruction. The loneliness and isolation, which was both the root of the disease and a consequence of it, would not be eased until we began reconciliation with God and with other human beings...."
pp 81-82, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, First Edition. Boston, 1986.
amanda2u2 said
Jan 15, 2005
Thanks very much, heather
I remember attending SA meetings, and people sharing about what they had been doing, that was sooo embarrassing. Visiting hookers and risking diseases, piling up the porn, having a series of affairs that put marriages at risk, frequent masturbation with all kinds of fantasies, sex changes, sadomasaochism,,,, but it is true, that finally admitting these things, discussing them with people who understood and could be supportive, broke the cycle of dark isolation which only further resulted in these fantasies and behaviors, and brought us into the light where we could breathe and look at these things and learn and grow.
thanks
love in recovery,
amanda
drheathrann said
Jan 22, 2005
Thank you. For me, I have hit such a bottom before coming to SLAA two months ago, that hearing these things doesn't embarrass me -- it's just a relief. I have felt so sick and so alone for so long -- as if I was the only person on earth that did these things -- it was such a relief not to feel alone.... I have been far more open to hearing about recovery / being told what i need to do in the program from people who really understand just how sick i am -- and have been there too.... I definitely would feel judged and ashamed about these things in any other setting -- other programs, pastoral counseling, therapy, etc.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
"Many of us recognized that a characteristic of our sex and love addiction was that our lives were divided into carefully segregated compartments, underscored by secrecy and confidentiality. This was so, regardless of whether we had been promiscuous, or had maintained addictive romantic or emotional ties with more than one person at a time, or had been hooked into dependency on one person. Indeed, we even took pride in our ability to keep a secret, to keep our stories straight, to keep our feelings hidden, to go it alone. This brave, solitary strategy had an important payoff. If we were able to manage the maze of intrigue without discovery or could keep the one we were dependent on from knowing our true feelings, then we apparently never had to deal with the consequences of our actions. We could even deny to ourselves that there were such things as "consequences." What a tremendous incentive this was to stay closed and not reveal our true selves to anyone!
But in continuing to 'go it alone' we were suffering from emotional and spiritual constipation, unable to make constructive use of our experiences and emotions. Our inner condition resembled a trash compactor rather than a recycler. We were mired in our own sludge.
Step 5 was the way in which we began to allow our lives to become open. It had been difficult enough, through the lengthy process of Step 4, to become open to ourselves. Nevertheless, if we did not go further and share with another person what we had discovered about ourselves, our sobriety was in real danger. It was of no use to identify our powerlessness to manage our own lives without a return to addictive patterns, if we were now to attempt a solitary reconstruction. The loneliness and isolation, which was both the root of the disease and a consequence of it, would not be eased until we began reconciliation with God and with other human beings...."
pp 81-82, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, First Edition. Boston, 1986.
Thanks very much, heather
I remember attending SA meetings, and people sharing about what they had been doing, that was sooo embarrassing. Visiting hookers and risking diseases, piling up the porn, having a series of affairs that put marriages at risk, frequent masturbation with all kinds of fantasies, sex changes, sadomasaochism,,,, but it is true, that finally admitting these things, discussing them with people who understood and could be supportive, broke the cycle of dark isolation which only further resulted in these fantasies and behaviors, and brought us into the light where we could breathe and look at these things and learn and grow.
thanks
love in recovery,
amanda
Thank you. For me, I have hit such a bottom before coming to SLAA two months ago, that hearing these things doesn't embarrass me -- it's just a relief. I have felt so sick and so alone for so long -- as if I was the only person on earth that did these things -- it was such a relief not to feel alone.... I have been far more open to hearing about recovery / being told what i need to do in the program from people who really understand just how sick i am -- and have been there too.... I definitely would feel judged and ashamed about these things in any other setting -- other programs, pastoral counseling, therapy, etc.
Thanks for sharing,
Heather