I have looked through several pages of posts and do not see where this is being carried forward so I will start.  Hope that is OK.  I am 8 days sober and starting to work my steps - so I imagine, tho I am starting this post and will continue to post additional steps every two weeks, I will have more questions than ESH (experience, strenght, and hope).

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

It took me a while to get here...and I thought I was here once already.  I came into AA through Al-Anon - or "through the back door" as they say.  While in Al-Anon I thought I it had finally clicked - that I was powerless over others.  I thought I had let go.  Upon further investigation of myself - I found that I hadn't fully completed the first step.  I realized I wasn't in control of my drinking or my life, blamed my drinking on others, and felt I could stop if I wanted to.  But - upon looking at my history with drinking, it has never been something I have controlled and it was escalating as the years went by.  It was distorting my view of my life, and just as I felt it was intensifying my "fun", it was intensifying my anger, mistrust, and general unhappiness with myself and everything else in my life.

I am powerless over alcohol.  If I drink a single drink, there will be more.  Even when I am sober, moments before taking a drink, I think - no problem - have one or two and stop.  Then I don't.  I CAN NOT CONTROL IT.

My life has become unmanageable.  Driving drunk, driving drunk with my daughter in the car, getting into venomous arguments with my beau, having my daughter clean up after throwing up - just a few examples of the many stupid things I have done while drinking.  This is not a life that is manageable.  This is not a life I imagined I would ever be living.

So, here I am.  Completely bare, raw, and ready to start over with truth and humility.  I realize - more importantly admit to MYSELF - that I am powerless over alcohol and many other things in life - just fill in the blank. 

I am hoping that others will join me as we move through the steps and share their questions and ESH.  As I continue to read 12x12 and the big book I am sure I will be back replying to my own posts with questions.

Thank you for listening.

tlc

For about a dozen plus years before getting to AA I knew I had a drinking "problem". But an alcoholic? No way. Not me. I didn't meet what I thought the 'criteria' was (jobless, homeless, daily drinking, etc.). After getting to AA via a relationship, identifying with stories and the BB I finally said "OK. I admit it. I'm an alcoholic."  But in my mind I couldn't imagine never drinking again. So 32 days into the program I relapsed for about 12 hours. I went back to Step 1 - again admitting I am an alcoholic. I relapsed again about 90 days into it.

This became a pattern for me for over 2 yrs. AA, relapse, back to AA, relapse again. I just couldn't figure it out.

Then one day, out the blue, I realized for me admitting it just wasn't enough - I like to think of that as my spiritual awakening -  It wasn't until I became willing to accept that I am powerless over alcohol,  did my life and program of AA action change.

For me, acceptance really was the answer......

~ Jen

I haven't had a drink in 33 years but I am back in AA as I now see I never became emotionally sober. I isolate myself and stay away from people. My marriage of 25 years to a workaholic has recently ended and now I see how I have been hiding. I had other addictions (spending) but was able to keep in denial how lonely I was. So I am back to finish the work and my life is definitely unmanageable. I am also in Adult Children of Alcoholic which is also helpful. I love AA because they work on the basics which are so easy to forget. Sally

I'm new to AA and have never attended a face-2-face meeting. Instead I wanted to find something online and that's how I got here. Yes I admit that I'm an alcoholic. Am I powerless over alcohol? Yes I believe so because I drink it on a regular basis, and too much. So I'd say yes. I've been drinking for 30 years but have increased the regularity and amount about 10 years ago. Has my drinking affected my life? Yes I'd say so. I'm not living the life that I expected and don't really like it. I'm reading a little about the 12 steps and am a bit confused. There seems to be a bias towards a 'god' in the steps. But I'm not religious so how can I go forward with the 12 steps and thus recover? Best to you all!

Hi I'm new here too and how fortunate to get in on Step One. I have been sober for 13 years (how time does fly) but never got to do Step Four back then. (Thought I didn't have any shortcomings LOL). It took me a long time to admit I was powerless over alcohol. Then I admitted it but carried on drinking. Then lo and behold my life became so unmanageable that I had to admit that too. So I got my doc to admit me to a detox unit and came out of there so drugged up with tranks that I thought I was going to die. Fortunately I went to another doc who was in AA and he told me to flush the pills down the toilet and get to a meeting. I miss those meetings but would love to participate here.

Hi, I have been sober for 8 days now. I am going to AA meetings. I have the bi book. But what is the 12x12?

Congratulations, Melanie!  The 12x12 is "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions".  It is a smaller book focusing on the steps and traditions.  Often when you see meetings that are "book study" - they are meetings that go through the Big Book, and the "step study" meetings go through the 12x12.

"A co-founder of Alcholics Anonymous tells how members recover and how the society functions."

Have you had an opportunity to go to any meetings in our area?

If you need help along the way - you can email me at tlcate at comcast.net.  I have 32 days - so still very early for me.  I go to two meetings a week, one is a big books study, have taken a commitment, and have found a sponsor.  So far, it is all really good.  Meeting a lot of people who understand and want to help.  I get struck with the desire to drink and that funny little voice in my head that says "You've made it 30 days without much problem - perhaps you aren't an alcoholic."  But I know deep in my heart that if I pick up another drink there will be more blackouts, more drunk dialing, more hangovers - and worse waiting for me.  I have many phone numbers from my meetings - some people I don't even remember - but if I get the desire and the little voice of alcoholism is nagging me, I call.  That is what it is for and they are VERY happy to hear from me and understand EXACTLY where I am.

Feel free to reach out to me if you aren't ready to reach out to others.

tlc

Thank you so much.

What does powerless mean to you?

Hello Melanie,

That is a very good question.  I am a newcomer, and will give you my take, but I am sure others with more time will have better feedback.

For me, admitting I was powerless was REALLY difficult.  But, once I did it - I felt free!  I am powerless over alcohol - I can not control my drinking.  I am powerless over others - I can not control them.  With this realization came much relief and an end to the effort put towards doing those exact things.

Does that mean I am a "Powerless" woman?  Absolutely not!  I am a very powerful woman - successful, single mother and business woman.  And in my opinion, success comes from hard work.  I have to work my program of AA, I have to work at work, and most importantly for me - I have to work at being a good mother.  But if I have given those things my best - and I do not get the desired results - that is OK - because I am powerless over the results.

I was recently in a relationship where I actually gave him all my power then tried to control the outcome through worry - extra effort to make him happy - changing who I was to fit his needs.  Once I took that power back - did what was right for me - and stopped trying to control the situation, which I was powerless over, the relationship quickly ended.

I can not control anything but myself, and to myself I must be true.  Everything else, I am powerless over.

tlc