I am a mother of a 34 year old daughter who just got out of 101 days of re hab last week and has already relapsed. Is this enough of a concern that she should go BACK to re hab? Or is this maybe normal and needs to be sure and get to her meetings? She so far is refusing to go back to rehab, she says she made a mistake and has learned her lesson, however we have heard this line for around 15 years. Please help. Thank you, concerned Mom
Marc T. said
Oct 5, 2008
This disease is hard for even us to fully understand. Hovever there is hope. I was confused, lost, very depressed, suicidal and "diagnosed" with more than my share of mental illnesses. None of which was I told were ever going to go away. This program, for me, is filling the hole in me that these things once occupied. If you would like to have certain understanding of our difficulties; and our triumphs, my suggestion is to read the Big Book of A.A.. In answer to your question- Ultamatums never worked for this alchoholic- addict. This program, however, does.
Thank you very much M. I have never been a fan of ultumatums. OPTIONS is always better. That's what Im on here for is looking for more options to give her. I'm anxious to pass along link you sent to her. Please let me send peaceful thoughts to you, your life and your struggles.
tdeltoro12 said
Oct 8, 2008
Hello everyone I just started this program and its very discouraging not seeing more recent logins by fellow members. I am working my first step right now and I'm almost finished the nineth I will be thirty days clean.
Marc T. said
Oct 8, 2008
Hey Tasha, This is one of our more active forums. I hope it helps. M.
Hello,
I am in NA and I never see anything on here about working the steps here can you all please drive me in the right direction also? This is not a very active board for na I noticed
Sincerely,
Shannon
Vicky R said
Oct 21, 2008
hi concernedmom et al,
thanks for this thread I find it to be really good programme material. In answer to trueakitalover, to find NA please follow this link:
http://www.12stepforums.net/
it will show you where the NA forum is,
litf Vickyr x
bates_ABC said
Dec 5, 2008
Mom: she has to want to quit on her own. rehab only work about 10% of the time.and only then if they are really serious about staying sober. We can want what is best bof her but that is about it . If she don't want to go back to treatment and she don't want to attend AA meetings. then she hasn't hit her bottom. I am speaking as a voice of experience. I went through 2 treatment centers and managed to stay sober 11 years but then went back to drinking for a 1 & 1/2 . I started to go to AA meetings and have now been sober 21 years as of January 28 of 2009. She has to want it . I hope she finds herself. I have a Son the same age and he still out there drinking and druging. He is in Gods hands because I have given up.
concernedmom said
Dec 6, 2008
WOW, GOOD FOR YOU! May God keep blessing you. I'm sorry about your son. It is soo frustrating for a parent. Since I logged on here she has gotten high a few times. No interest in going back to treatment and will not attend AA meetings either. YOU ARE SO RIGHT, Her struggle is in GOD's hands now, as is your son's, I have nothing left to give, it is truly effecting my health and her daughter who I raise (she is 12 years old and SUCH a good girl). I feel like I have to save US and pray for her to be saved. I thought her rock bottom was when her cousin who she was close to died of an accidental over dose last January. That's when she asked to be taken to her first re hab....nope, that didn't do it, and neither did being a mother. Getting high is more important than ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD. 21 years of being sober,,,,,I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. May God keep blessing you, and I pray our children find GOD and the love and peace they so desperately need. Thank you so much for writing, it's nice to know I'm not alone even though my heart breaks for what you have been going through. God speed...
bates_ABC said
Dec 6, 2008
Hello Concernedmom: I raised 26 children 5 of my own 3 boys and 2 girls and 21 foster children all teenagers. I had 17 boys and4 girls. I love working with young people . Should your grandaughter ever need to talk to someone about Mom I be more then glad to e-mail her and you both. It would help you both if you could find her an alateen meeting group if they have one in your area and also if you could attend Alanon for you . It teaches you both how to live with someone like that so you are not alone.Where are you from if I may ask? I am in Norton, Kansas .My wife Carolyn is from the Bronx ,New York and I am from Vinton , Iowa Orig. Stay in touch with me on How your daughter is doing. John
concernedmom said
Dec 6, 2008
Wow John, I never fostered children, but I did work in Group Homes for 12 years and loved it. I always felt like I could help everyone else but my daughter! I have joined Alanon, and yes, it's a good idea for my granddaughter to join something to help. I STILL don't understand how I can stop her from destroying our family. It's breaking my heart to tell her she has to stand on her own and get out of her bad situations on her own, but I honestly feel like I MUST. I pray for her everyday, more than once a day. We are from Linn Valley Kansas, which is about 37 miles South of Overland park Kansas off of 69 highway towards Fort Scott, Kansas. I appreciate your offer and will let Jessica know. She is such a good young lady, religious and has a good head on her shoulders. She is SO not used to this lifestyle of her Mom's. And unfortunnatly we get the brunt of it. God bles you for all you do for the children. That is so important. Take care.
concernedmom said
Dec 6, 2008
I hope I'm not bothering you too much. As you can tell I am really struggling with this. I have made my decision, so has my husband and so has her daughter, PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR AT LEAST A YEAR. She can not go for more than a couple weeks without taking some kind pills or drinking. Xanax she says is her poison, but if she can't get that, anything will do. I love her so much, I have always taken her back in and tried to help her. When she's good she's GOOD, but it just doesn't last, and the lying....I think that hurts the most. How do you get over feeling guilty for cutting your child off? I feel like I can get a more honest answer from YOU since you too had a drinking problem. For some reason I expected you to say HANG IN THERE, she might be like me and come out of it......which is what most people say, but after 22 years? And the heart ache she causes. She doesn't seem to have a clue what she has done to us. She seems to think "POOF" after two weeks, let it be water under the bridge. TO ME, that bridge has disengrated.....her bad mouthing me and lying, and remember I have her daughter. Since 2001, and she just is not used to this kind of life. My daughter ran away to another state 7 years ago, took my granddaughter with her who was only 4 at the time. THIS was dangerous because she met these people over the internet and would get so high she had no clue what she was doing with her daughter, or who was watching her. THank GOD I was able to find them and get her and bring her home to our large family. My daughter was gone 5 years. Not a note, not a card. My graddaughter has no clue who her dad is, so she calls my husband Daddy and they are very close too. We have been a happly little family but once my daughter came back into our lives it has been a roller coaster. My granddaughter used to be on the principals honor roll, straight A's. Since Mom has been in her life she has developed migraine headaches, grades have fallen and I know she constantly worries when the next bad thing is going to happen, but make no mistake, she loves her Mom. Would NEVER consider living with her, but loves her. EVEN A 12 year old has limits. She doesn't like hurting peoples feelings, but she had to reply to an e mail her Mom sent her. She was honest, but still mentioned "Love" bless her heart. But she let her know this is way too much for her and she is ruining her life. I was shocked at the letter actually. She felt safe writing what she has wanted to say for a long time, she is afraid of her Mom and her temper, but now that she knows she will not be back in the house, she was able to be honest. She is not carrying any guilt, I wish I could be like her. We pray for her mom every day, but my daughter DOES NOT understand why I have done this to HER. Of course she knows how sensitive I am and knows how to get to my heart. How do I toughen up and stick to my guns without guilt? Her and her friend wrote me an e mail yesterday, and talked about the "unconditional love I have always had and please don't lose that" because of some misunderstanding?????? There was NO misunderstanding, just another dip in the roller coaster. Oh gosh, I am just rattling on and on. I know this is my battle and I have to figure this out myself, just having difficulty banning her from our home. And bailing her out of bad situations. Mom has ALWAYS been there to do that, and it has got us NO WHERE. I wasn't helping I FINALLY found out. I just need to get a back bone, just having difficult time finding it! Thank you for listening........"Lost in the land of Oz."
MillieB said
Jan 29, 2009
This is going to be the hardest thing for you to do as a mother, but its the right thing: Let her go and fall right on her ass. Dont help or enable here. It will only prolong suffering. Let her fall down all by herself until she is absolutely miserable using, and when she is finally done ripping herself to shreds, offer her that rehab again but not a second before that.
Thank you, concerned Mom
This disease is hard for even us to fully understand. Hovever there is hope. I was confused, lost, very depressed, suicidal and "diagnosed" with more than my share of mental illnesses. None of which was I told were ever going to go away. This program, for me, is filling the hole in me that these things once occupied. If you would like to have certain understanding of our difficulties; and our triumphs, my suggestion is to read the Big Book of A.A.. In answer to your question- Ultamatums never worked for this alchoholic- addict. This program, however, does.
http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735&p=1
This is a link that she may have intrest in.
I hope this helps, M.
Please let me send peaceful thoughts to you, your life and your struggles.
This is one of our more active forums.
I hope it helps. M.
http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735&p=1&a=45
I raised 26 children 5 of my own 3 boys and 2 girls and 21 foster children all teenagers. I had 17 boys and4 girls.
I love working with young people . Should your grandaughter ever need to talk to someone about Mom I be more then glad to e-mail her and you both. It would help you both if you could find her an alateen meeting group if they have one in your area and also if you could attend Alanon for you . It teaches you both how to live with someone like that so you are not alone.Where are you from if I may ask? I am in Norton, Kansas .My wife Carolyn is from the Bronx ,New York and I am from Vinton , Iowa Orig. Stay in touch with me on How your daughter is doing. John
We are from Linn Valley Kansas, which is about 37 miles South of Overland park Kansas off of 69 highway towards Fort Scott, Kansas.
I appreciate your offer and will let Jessica know. She is such a good young lady, religious and has a good head on her shoulders. She is SO not used to this lifestyle of her Mom's. And unfortunnatly we get the brunt of it.
God bles you for all you do for the children. That is so important.
Take care.