And, yet, I have been to meetings for my entire life...been drawn to them by those I love. Have found something there, sometimes...as well as rejection.
So, I'm left thinking: "What the f*** am I doing here?"
I do not believe I am powerless. I am not sure it is a healthy place to "start".
And yet, I have seen magic (see it daily, actually).
I believe that you do not have to believe in the steps completely to work them.
But, the way they lock into each other....how can I use them without this fundamental belief that I am powerless, and or that I NEED this?
I don't know that I do.
So, why am I here?
Obviously, looking for SOMETHING.
addict4life said
Dec 14, 2008
hey i feel ya, i been battling addiction for 3 years now and just had a 3 1/2 week long relapse, i was clean w.o working the steps, then i relapse, maybe i do need to work them? what do you think?
Jules said
Dec 15, 2008
The steps, the program, the support, a treatment plan, a back-up plan, f**ing meetings, too, probably. But where are "my people"?
I actually always do things bass-ackwards, so I started on step #4, because it intimidated me, got about 1/2 way through the "work" and realized it would be wise (not exactly my forte') to start at the very beginning.
So, back to step #1, which I resisted with all my might. Still, I found the place to start. I'm back to step #4. I don't have a sponsor, may never, but do have an AA veteran to point out a few landmarks, and outline the "work" part of it.
How are you doing, now? ("Now" being the operative word)
Vicky R said
Dec 29, 2008
hi everyone, just that today I am struck by the beautiful poetry of the shares on here! such talent that blossoms in us when we work the programme,,,,!
llol Vickyr x
Jules said
Dec 30, 2008
I was beginning to wonder if anyone was reading these entries at all.
Good to hear any reply at all.
Life is poetry, isn't it?
Jules
My life does not suck.
I am loved, desired, admired.
I am a good person.
And, yet, I have been to meetings for my entire life...been drawn to them by those I love. Have found something there, sometimes...as well as rejection.
So, I'm left thinking: "What the f*** am I doing here?"
I do not believe I am powerless. I am not sure it is a healthy place to "start".
And yet, I have seen magic (see it daily, actually).
I believe that you do not have to believe in the steps completely to work them.
But, the way they lock into each other....how can I use them without this fundamental belief that I am powerless, and or that I NEED this?
I don't know that I do.
So, why am I here?
Obviously, looking for SOMETHING.