hi tamara welcome.

have a read around and feel free to put your experience and opinions up
on the board and ask questions see how it goes. If possible try to get
hold of some Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature from the local General
Service Office. If you can't afford it your library may be able to get it for you.


Quote:

From: Courage to Change - p 74 (copyright 1992, by Al-Anon Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

"Active alcoholics are people who drink. They don't drink because of you or me, but because  they are alcoholics. No matter what I do, I will not change this fact, not with guilt, shouting, beggin, distracting, hiding money or bottles  or keys, lying , threatening or reasoning. I didn't cause alcoholism. I can't controlit. And I can't cure it. I can continue to struggle and lose. Or I can accept that I am powerless over alcohol and alcoholism, and let Al-Anon help me to redirect the energy I've spent on fighting this desease into recovering from its effects."

lloll Vickyr x

Hello. I have just started to explore Al Anon. This web page seems to have what I am needing but I am still learning how to get around on the site. What you said about "They don't drink because of you or me, but because they are alcoholics. No matter what I do, I will not change this fact," really hit home for me. I don't know why I was blind to that before but it really speaks to me now. I don't know what to do with that insite but I am sure that I won't forget it.

Hi Dee

pleased you shared that one. I see that idea as one of the 'building blocks' of the programme. Not always easy - sometimes the same issue comes along in a different form or with another alcoholic and I can't deal with it. But when 'HP' finds me ready then I will learn it. And the detatchment moves me further on from there.

lloll Vickyr x

Hi i just joined this group also, and i'm not sure where to start. My husband is an alcoholic and i asked him to leave last Tuesday not sure if i made the right decision. I just feel i couldn't help him by having him in the family home considering his behavior when he is drinking, i have a young daughter to think about. I'm just looking for advice, I still love him and when he's sober he's awesome. Any advice will help

Thanks Ramona

-- Edited by ramona on Wednesday 7th of October 2009 12:55:26 AM

-- Edited by ramona on Wednesday 7th of October 2009 01:00:31 AM

Sometimes the best thing you can do to help IS to remove addict from the place that is helping them to continue to use.

Thank you, i think that you are right. I just keep second guessing myself but i know i need to do what's right for me and my daughter.

We second guess ourselves because we are told that we are wrong by our spouse/SO. We are told or unsaid actions that were our intuitions are crazy. If you were supporting someone who is going through the same situation what would you say to her/him?

Hey, I been told that I am "flighty, crazy and someone who can never be pleased". I accept that and know it is HIS problem not mine. I am so easy to please but refuse to subject myself to his behavior when he is drinking which is all too often. I have struggled for so long and now I can concentrate on ME. Alcoholics will never give us security, Honesty, attention we need as long as they are actively drinking.

Peace,
Patsy

-- Edited by sibleygurl on Sunday 11th of October 2009 09:24:34 PM

Hi everyone,

I think this is a really good thread. Where we remind each other that things alcoholics do have little to do with us. They're in their own world and we need to find ours. Which is a million miles away from where I came in!

litf lloll Vickyr

I agree, this is a good thread, why is it not continued? Bein Co-Dependent I tend to believe that I have something to do with what the addict does or does not do. I can have a hard time trying to pay attention to my own recovery because I spend time in theirs.

I hope this thread keeps going!  It's so, so helpful.  I'm new to recovery - I have 39 days.  I drank wine every night from around 5:00 until I couldn't stay awake and upright any longer.  Unfortunately, hubby continues to drink whiskey every night until he falls asleep.  My goal is to keep focusing on myself, but it's so difficult living with someone who does this.  I have so many questions.  If I want a better life, do I just go ahead and pursue it and leave him behind?  Do I find other people to enjoy activities with?  I already have my horse buddies, so that's good. 
I was delighted to find this thread because I don't think we're supposed to bring up relationship issues at AA meetings - just stick to talking about the drinking and how life is getting better.  Also, I can't run out to meetings constantly.  Trying to do AA and Alanon right now would be very difficult, if not impossible.  So let's try to keep this going.  MAL

I am new here. I came looking for practical advice on what I could do to help my husband stop drinking. I think I have just found out there is nothing I can do. Which I sort of knew but I guess hoped I was wrong. I've done all the talking, writing, shouting, threatening and crying I can to no avail. I search for bottles and pour the contents away. He knows how I feel. I am scared, not for me, but for him.

i understand what yous are saying but sometimes it helps to help the alcaholic rather than kick them out i know from experiance i was brought up with alcaholic parents well my partner is four months sober he is doin very well