I admit that I am powerless of my husband and his addiction. My life has become unmanageable. I amnot sure if I truly fell in love with my husband or if I fell in love with the potential I saw in him. When he didn't meet his fullest potential as I thought he should, I felt my respect for him lessen. I began to see him as an additional child in the house instead of my husband and partner through life. Everyone time he made, what I considered a poor decision, my respect dropped even further. I began treatin him like one of the children. I was speaking to my husband on the phone one day at work and one of my co-workers asked me which of the children was misbehaving. I explained that it was my husband. He said it sounded like I was talking to a child.
Anyway, I began making decisions for him. Criticizing everything he did and wore, said and the way he acted. I took his paycheck from him and monitored his friends and phone calls. I told myself that I was doing these things out of love and concern. When he went somehwere, I made sure he took along one of the children. When the children saw how disrespectfully I was treating him, they decided that they did not have to show him any respect either.
I find that I try to control situation and people and have throughout my life. I guess, I felt that my life was so out of control and things kept happening that I really couldn't control, so I tried to take control where I could. Controlling other people seemed easy because they let me. Then the kids started rebelling and I found that even if I didn't give my husband a pennny, he would find a way to use if he wanted to.
I have looked at my husband without respect for so long and treated him like one of the children. I would like for him to be my husband, but am not sure how to change the relationship around. There I go controlling again...The only thing that I can do is to give him the dignitty to make decisions, not just for himself, but family decisions and bite my tongue.
nycbt said
May 19, 2005
I have a very hard time with control. I try and control every thing. When my husband was drinking (he got his 90 day pin yesterday) I would treat him like a child. I would make him call me all the time to see how he was doing. But even though I was calling or he was calling he still got him into trouble.
I have gotten better and now I have moved to step two. I had to tell my self that I would be ok if he were to go back to drink. It took me a long time to come to that decision.
I admit that I am powerless of my husband and his addiction. My life has become unmanageable. I amnot sure if I truly fell in love with my husband or if I fell in love with the potential I saw in him. When he didn't meet his fullest potential as I thought he should, I felt my respect for him lessen. I began to see him as an additional child in the house instead of my husband and partner through life. Everyone time he made, what I considered a poor decision, my respect dropped even further. I began treatin him like one of the children. I was speaking to my husband on the phone one day at work and one of my co-workers asked me which of the children was misbehaving. I explained that it was my husband. He said it sounded like I was talking to a child.
Anyway, I began making decisions for him. Criticizing everything he did and wore, said and the way he acted. I took his paycheck from him and monitored his friends and phone calls. I told myself that I was doing these things out of love and concern. When he went somehwere, I made sure he took along one of the children. When the children saw how disrespectfully I was treating him, they decided that they did not have to show him any respect either.
I find that I try to control situation and people and have throughout my life. I guess, I felt that my life was so out of control and things kept happening that I really couldn't control, so I tried to take control where I could. Controlling other people seemed easy because they let me. Then the kids started rebelling and I found that even if I didn't give my husband a pennny, he would find a way to use if he wanted to.
I have looked at my husband without respect for so long and treated him like one of the children. I would like for him to be my husband, but am not sure how to change the relationship around. There I go controlling again...The only thing that I can do is to give him the dignitty to make decisions, not just for himself, but family decisions and bite my tongue.
I have a very hard time with control. I try and control every thing. When my husband was drinking (he got his 90 day pin yesterday) I would treat him like a child. I would make him call me all the time to see how he was doing. But even though I was calling or he was calling he still got him into trouble.
I have gotten better and now I have moved to step two. I had to tell my self that I would be ok if he were to go back to drink. It took me a long time to come to that decision.