I started going to meetings and you told me that I needed to pray. I said I didn't know how. You said..If you want the obsession to leave you must sincerely ask God to remove it. I said I couldn't,because I didn't think God listened. See, I was raised with religion, and I never felt right about the things I had been told. It just didn't fit with what I felt inside. I saw people go to church and act a certain way, but they were mean and cruel at other times. I always felt like I was different somehow, I just couldn't figure out why. When I tried to tell people what I saw and heard, they told me I had an overactive imagination. As soon as I was able to, I quit religion alltogether and tried to find a different way. I did lots of studying on different ways, but I never quite found what I was looking for.
Just before I got sober, I had a spiritual experience that helped me find AA, but I didn't think I would be able to experience that again. I knew I had to find that feeling, but wasn't sure what I needed to do. I couldn't believe in a God yet. I was told to read "We Agnostics" again. As I was reading it, that sentence jumped out at me...Within every man,woman and child there is a fundamental idea...We found the Great Reality deep inside. Could I believe that? I did believe that! I felt that God was inside me, I couldn't put a name or a face to it yet, but I knew that something was out there. For me it was Spirit showing me that I was protected and not alone through my worst times. I could take that and say ...I am willing to believe...I don't know exactly how God works, but I believe that there is something. And with that I had completed Step 2.
*********************************************************************** This is hard for me, talking about my spiritual beliefs. I try very hard not to push my belief on anyone else, for what makes sense to me may not make sense to anyone else. It has taken a long time for me to be able to find what works for me, and I don't want a newcomer to think thier way is not the right way for them. So I'll just say that when I pray now, I speak the words that my elders gave me to speak with Spirit. And I'll end with these words:
Mitakuye Oyasin--We are all related.
Love, cheri
TTM said
Jun 1, 2005
Pilamaya aloh (thankyou very much) for your share Cheri. I too find the native path makes a whole lot of sense to my soul. I can relate to awhole lot of what you had to share. Again Pilamaya TTM
amanda2u2 said
Jun 1, 2005
I am a mixed blood American Indian. My world view, values and perspectives are much what my mother shared with me as a young child. My father was the child of European immigrants. They didn't know each other when they married, and often fought over the 'right' way to say and do things. I was in the middle,, if i said or did it this way my mom would be hurt, and if i said or did it that way my dad would be mad.
I don't fit the popular stereotype, the story book image, of an Indian. Being raised away from my mother's family,, I thought I was just a misfit freak by the time i was in middle school, as my ways of thinking, my relationship with Creation were different than those around me. I have found it very difficult to feel connected with a lot of people still.
I am a Christian. I believe and follow Jesus. But not like a group of Southern Baptists, or Irish or Italian roman catholics. It is sooo hard to be my self. I can't conform to many of the ways that dominant european americans demand. Yet, I have a good personal relationship with Jesus, and find that His teachings are very compatible with my native values,,, even more so than with european american cultural values.
A lot of the reasons I drank, were to send my unique self into oblivion,, as the frustration of feeling like a fish out of water was , seemed, so hopeless.
I too, can say,,, 'mitakuye oyasin',,, we are all related. There is a poem, "Continue",, which i can share with you if you'd like - The People Must Continue
love in recovery,
amanda
JohnV said
Jun 1, 2005
Hi Cheri,
Thank you for expressing your truth. The wonder of Program is that there is room for all of us. In our connection, we find Spirit. This great truth helps us see our connection. The Program does not judge. Our Traditions clearly instruct us to understand why the Program works. The Steps tell us how it works...
Blessings and abundance, your Brother in recovery, JV.
cheri said
Jun 3, 2005
Whew!!after 4 years, I still worry about offending someone or being told I'm wrong...Thanks for the replies. It reaffirms my feeling that I am a part of a worldwide fellowship and that I have people I can love and recieve love from without conditions.
Amanda, yes please, I would love to have a copy of your poem. My email is clwebster@mato.com
I started going to meetings and you told me that I needed to pray. I said I didn't know how. You said..If you want the obsession to leave you must sincerely ask God to remove it. I said I couldn't,because I didn't think God listened. See, I was raised with religion, and I never felt right about the things I had been told. It just didn't fit with what I felt inside. I saw people go to church and act a certain way, but they were mean and cruel at other times. I always felt like I was different somehow, I just couldn't figure out why. When I tried to tell people what I saw and heard, they told me I had an overactive imagination. As soon as I was able to, I quit religion alltogether and tried to find a different way. I did lots of studying on different ways, but I never quite found what I was looking for.
Just before I got sober, I had a spiritual experience that helped me find AA, but I didn't think I would be able to experience that again. I knew I had to find that feeling, but wasn't sure what I needed to do. I couldn't believe in a God yet. I was told to read "We Agnostics" again. As I was reading it, that sentence jumped out at me...Within every man,woman and child there is a fundamental idea...We found the Great Reality deep inside. Could I believe that? I did believe that! I felt that God was inside me, I couldn't put a name or a face to it yet, but I knew that something was out there. For me it was Spirit showing me that I was protected and not alone through my worst times. I could take that and say ...I am willing to believe...I don't know exactly how God works, but I believe that there is something. And with that I had completed Step 2.
*********************************************************************** This is hard for me, talking about my spiritual beliefs. I try very hard not to push my belief on anyone else, for what makes sense to me may not make sense to anyone else. It has taken a long time for me to be able to find what works for me, and I don't want a newcomer to think thier way is not the right way for them. So I'll just say that when I pray now, I speak the words that my elders gave me to speak with Spirit. And I'll end with these words:
Mitakuye Oyasin--We are all related.
Love, cheri
I am a mixed blood American Indian. My world view, values and perspectives are much what my mother shared with me as a young child. My father was the child of European immigrants. They didn't know each other when they married, and often fought over the 'right' way to say and do things. I was in the middle,, if i said or did it this way my mom would be hurt, and if i said or did it that way my dad would be mad.
I don't fit the popular stereotype, the story book image, of an Indian. Being raised away from my mother's family,, I thought I was just a misfit freak by the time i was in middle school, as my ways of thinking, my relationship with Creation were different than those around me. I have found it very difficult to feel connected with a lot of people still.
I am a Christian. I believe and follow Jesus. But not like a group of Southern Baptists, or Irish or Italian roman catholics. It is sooo hard to be my self. I can't conform to many of the ways that dominant european americans demand. Yet, I have a good personal relationship with Jesus, and find that His teachings are very compatible with my native values,,, even more so than with european american cultural values.
A lot of the reasons I drank, were to send my unique self into oblivion,, as the frustration of feeling like a fish out of water was , seemed, so hopeless.
I too, can say,,, 'mitakuye oyasin',,, we are all related. There is a poem, "Continue",, which i can share with you if you'd like - The People Must Continue
love in recovery,
amanda
Hi Cheri,
Thank you for expressing your truth. The wonder of Program is that there is room for all of us. In our connection, we find Spirit. This great truth helps us see our connection. The Program does not judge. Our Traditions clearly instruct us to understand why the Program works. The Steps tell us how it works...
Blessings and abundance, your Brother in recovery, JV.
Whew!!after 4 years, I still worry about offending someone or being told I'm wrong...Thanks for the replies. It reaffirms my feeling that I am a part of a worldwide fellowship and that I have people I can love and recieve love from without conditions.
Amanda, yes please, I would love to have a copy of your poem. My email is clwebster@mato.com
Love, cheri