How do I feel about Step Two? Welll... It was an awakening!. It was as if Steps One, Two and Three were there all at once. (but I had more homework and bookwork to do later in alanon!).
One evening at bedtime, I was at my bottom and had this realization:
I had felt sooooooooo defeated that all I wanted was freedom from all the pain, anger and grief. To continue on as I was-- getting absolutely nowhere --spinning wheels in the mud --would certainly lead to a suicidal path or insanity--the feelings were that deep. In that moment, as I tightly gripped the spindle in our antique Jenny Lind bed, it was as if my Higher Power said through a quiet intuitive way--wallsal, here's a rope, grab it, hang on, this is the way to go. I felt I had no more power over my situation, and yep, I was going to grab on to this glimmer of hope that seemed to be a Higher Power. A powerful, warm, comforting, intuitive thought!
Since I found my relief in that moment, I knew Someone was looking after me, directing me away from the self-defeating, self-destructive path to a different direction. I told myself I was giving up the path of despair for the one where I would be led.
When I heard Step Two read for the first time....a power greater than myself could restore me to SANITY...
That was sooooooooo comforting. I was behaving any which way I could to change my situation. (Anything bordering on insane!) Nothing worked. How simple, how soothing, to just turn it over and let Somebody else do the work or help me, if I do my part of the program.
JohnV said
Jun 2, 2005
Hey Wallsal,
The reality of a Power greater than ourselves allows humility. We turn to something that accepts us where we are...There is no judgement. The concept of a Power greater than ourselves is Spiritual. Our program is not a religious program. But, it is a Spiritual one. Isn't it a marvel that the founders sought to help all of us get beyond religious paradigms? This is a gift.
In the quiet we find our connection to Spirit. Daily life with all of its distractions can keep us in chaos and out of Spirit. So we learn that there are words and a knowingness that a Power greater than ourselves is ready and able to bring us comfort and guideance... An inexaustible supply from an incomprehensible source. All we have to do is be "Willing." In our willingness we surrender to the moment and let the magic of Spirit flow in...A Sweet Spot...
Blessings and Abundance, JV.
dis said
Jun 2, 2005
Steps 2, & 3 all came to me in one. I hit my down one night when my A was gone off drinking, kids were in bed and I had time for myself dwelling in the emotion of anger, hate, frustration, and hurt. I cried for hours and when that got me no were all I could do is plead with my HP(god) to please take all those bad feeling away. I hated that feeling and wanted to feel as "normal" as possible. Ever since that night I have found more peace within myself, knowing I can turn it all over to my HP and it will be ok in the end. I feel so much lighter know than before. I do have my days that I need to remember to turn it all to him and that HE (HP) is in control NOT ME..... That was a very big and hard thing to do. I didn't like the fact that I wasn't in control. I'm still working on that. I have to remind myself that everyday.
Thanks for letting me share and for listening. If it wasn't for HP and all of you I don't know where I would be today. That thought scares me...
How do I feel about Step Two? Welll... It was an awakening!. It was as if Steps One, Two and Three were there all at once. (but I had more homework and bookwork to do later in alanon!).
One evening at bedtime, I was at my bottom and had this realization:
I had felt sooooooooo defeated that all I wanted was freedom from all the pain, anger and grief. To continue on as I was-- getting absolutely nowhere --spinning wheels in the mud --would certainly lead to a suicidal path or insanity--the feelings were that deep. In that moment, as I tightly gripped the spindle in our antique Jenny Lind bed, it was as if my Higher Power said through a quiet intuitive way--wallsal, here's a rope, grab it, hang on, this is the way to go. I felt I had no more power over my situation, and yep, I was going to grab on to this glimmer of hope that seemed to be a Higher Power. A powerful, warm, comforting, intuitive thought!
Since I found my relief in that moment, I knew Someone was looking after me, directing me away from the self-defeating, self-destructive path to a different direction. I told myself I was giving up the path of despair for the one where I would be led.
When I heard Step Two read for the first time....a power greater than myself could restore me to SANITY...
That was sooooooooo comforting. I was behaving any which way I could to change my situation. (Anything bordering on insane!) Nothing worked. How simple, how soothing, to just turn it over and let Somebody else do the work or help me, if I do my part of the program.
Hey Wallsal,
The reality of a Power greater than ourselves allows humility. We turn to something that accepts us where we are...There is no judgement. The concept of a Power greater than ourselves is Spiritual. Our program is not a religious program. But, it is a Spiritual one. Isn't it a marvel that the founders sought to help all of us get beyond religious paradigms? This is a gift.
In the quiet we find our connection to Spirit. Daily life with all of its distractions can keep us in chaos and out of Spirit. So we learn that there are words and a knowingness that a Power greater than ourselves is ready and able to bring us comfort and guideance... An inexaustible supply from an incomprehensible source. All we have to do is be "Willing." In our willingness we surrender to the moment and let the magic of Spirit flow in...A Sweet Spot...
Blessings and Abundance, JV.
Steps 2, & 3 all came to me in one. I hit my down one night when my A was gone off drinking, kids were in bed and I had time for myself dwelling in the emotion of anger, hate, frustration, and hurt. I cried
for hours and when that got me no were all I could do is plead with my HP(god) to please take all those bad feeling away. I hated that feeling and wanted to feel as "normal" as possible. Ever since that night I have found more
peace within myself, knowing I can turn it all over to my HP and it will be ok in the end. I feel so much lighter know than before. I do have my days that I need to remember to turn it all to him and that HE (HP) is in control NOT ME..... That was a very big and hard thing to do. I didn't like the fact that I wasn't in control. I'm still working on that. I have to remind myself that everyday.
Thanks for letting me share and for listening. If it wasn't for HP and all of you I don't know where I would be today. That thought scares me...
With love to all...
Dis