Hello I am Cindy and I am a cocaine addict and alcoholic
rosyred3 said
Feb 26, 2010
I've been clean for 1 year on March 28th. I missed half of my life with a complete blur. Blinded by the smoke if you can understand that. I lost my 2 sons when I was deep into my use 17 years ago. I havent seen either one since they were 2 and 6 years old. Now Jesse James is 23 and I havent seen him since he was 6 years old. I cried like a baby when I laid eyes on him at the greyhound bus station. Then Jeremy will be coming to stay with me when he gets out of jail, which wont be long. At the present time I attend CA twice a week. It is very hard for me to visit group all the time because I am HIV+ and I am sick all the time. I felt like this website would help me especially for the times when I am sick for weeks in a row. And then there is the subject about my sponsor. I love her to death but she is not at all sponser material. We been together for 6 months and havent even started working on the steps. There are really no other females in my home group who could be my sponser. Not enough clean time. Someone please help me. Very confused. I need a little direction or some info on how I could get a sponsor online.
tlcate said
Feb 28, 2010
Hello Cindy,
Welcome to MIP! I am so sorry for your hardships and am so glad you found us. Sounds like recovery is bringing some wonderful things to your life. My personal experience is that working the steps takes really is the path to recovery.
Feel free to Private Message me. We can correspond and see if there is any assistance I can give you.
Yours in recovery,
Tricia
rosyred3 said
Mar 23, 2010
So sorry I haven't answered your email in a whole month. I have been really sidetracked with what is going on with my son. He is angry with me because I wasn't there for him throughout his youth. I cant go back and change the past and he doesnt want to understand this. He has been cussing me out and threatened me and does not want to find a job at all. He agreed to go to family counciling with me yet when the time for the appointment came he found something else to do. I have been clean for one year nest week. I feel really good about this. I have slacked off with going to ca group because I have been feeling really sick literally. With all the stress that I have been experiencing my illness has caused my cell counts to go down and my body wrecks with pain and sick as a dog. I am hurt and confused. Feeling guilty even though I asked for forgiveness. My sponsor is not worth shit. And that is an understatement. I need friends because I don't have any. Well I do have only one friend. And she has only been clean for 2 months. That is not a solid support if you know what I mean. I do give her support and advice. But I need that type of help for my self. I hope you understand what I mean. I haven't done any 'step work' through the whole year. Matter of fact I haven't done any step work in my whole life and I need some guidance. I hate to bother you but could you please give me some advice with what I should do. I need to forget about what my son is doing and get back to working on my health and my sobriety. Before I loose it all. No thoughts of relapse or signs of it. But I can understand that if I dont keep working on sobriety it is possible to slip. The best of us do. Pray that God will keep me clean. He is where I get my strength. I look to God for sponsorship right now. Please get back with me if you could. I would appreciate it. Like I said I need some friends. Later.
tlcate said
Mar 25, 2010
Hello Rosy,
No problem on the length between posts, we are here for you when you need us with no expectations.
Congratulations on your year of sobriety, I am around the same time myself. I usually don't give advice, just my experience, but you have asked for it directly so here is what I would do.
First, you seem to have your priorities straight in your mind, put yourself first, but the actions you are taking are not following that - putting you son first and letting the guilt of the past make you physically ill. The best advice I can give to resolve these issues it to find a sponsor that works for you. If your sponsor is not working out, please find another. There are many wonderful people out there with sobriety and serenity that would love to help you achieve the same. Working the steps helped me make amends to those who I owed it to - heart felt and 100% "I am sorry" . . . not asking forgiveness as I can't expect that - but I needed to say I am sorry then let it go. I needed to let the guilt go and start to rebuild my life.
Working the steps also helped me identify behaviors that I consistently exhibit throughout my life that are detrimental to me - and once I saw them I could take steps to change them. May take research, may take therapy, but until I see these cycles and how the affect me, I can't resolve what I don't see.
The big thing is, working the steps and putting my well-being and growth first for a little bit helped calm the roller coaster of emotions that I was experiencing. It gave me balance in my heart and soul and a solid foundation to then work on my relationships and resolve the issues I can. Some relationships are not able to be repaired, and that is just life, all you can do is step up to the plate and try with a clear heart and true intentions for peace. If the other party is not willing to do the same you need to let it go. Without working the steps first, I was unable to work on these types of issues and resolve them. I can not perform the work if I am not fit or able.
Please find a good sponsor. What does that look like? Not necessarily someone that is "just like you". My first sponsor was a 73 year old man who was a pastor. I am a single mother in my 30s. But he had 30 years of sobriety and a calm and understanding that I wanted. Just being around him felt peaceful - and I wanted THAT. He was a good listener and a good guide through the steps.
I am now on my second sponsor - someone with 25 years of sobriety, someone who has had time with both AA and Al-Anon and we are working the steps again. I have heard it called "stage B recovery". The first time through it got me out of crisis. It really changed me as a person. Now I am looking to take it to the next level and feel that a woman who has experience in sobriety as well as codependency issues will be better suited to me. My goal is to become better at step 12. I want to be of better service to those in need so I think a slower, more in depth look at the steps and how they work will help me do this. The first time through - I was purely there to save my life - and that it did.
If you need to chat, please feel free to private message me, it will go directly to my email.
One day at a time, sweety. Really. Today is all we can worry about and resolving your issues and getting comfortable in your own skin will help you be able to handle the outside stuff better and not let it consume your emotional and physical well-being - and foremost - threaten your sobriety.
Welcome to MIP! I am so sorry for your hardships and am so glad you found us. Sounds like recovery is bringing some wonderful things to your life. My personal experience is that working the steps takes really is the path to recovery.
Feel free to Private Message me. We can correspond and see if there is any assistance I can give you.
Yours in recovery,
Tricia
No problem on the length between posts, we are here for you when you need us with no expectations.
Congratulations on your year of sobriety, I am around the same time myself. I usually don't give advice, just my experience, but you have asked for it directly so here is what I would do.
First, you seem to have your priorities straight in your mind, put yourself first, but the actions you are taking are not following that - putting you son first and letting the guilt of the past make you physically ill. The best advice I can give to resolve these issues it to find a sponsor that works for you. If your sponsor is not working out, please find another. There are many wonderful people out there with sobriety and serenity that would love to help you achieve the same. Working the steps helped me make amends to those who I owed it to - heart felt and 100% "I am sorry" . . . not asking forgiveness as I can't expect that - but I needed to say I am sorry then let it go. I needed to let the guilt go and start to rebuild my life.
Working the steps also helped me identify behaviors that I consistently exhibit throughout my life that are detrimental to me - and once I saw them I could take steps to change them. May take research, may take therapy, but until I see these cycles and how the affect me, I can't resolve what I don't see.
The big thing is, working the steps and putting my well-being and growth first for a little bit helped calm the roller coaster of emotions that I was experiencing. It gave me balance in my heart and soul and a solid foundation to then work on my relationships and resolve the issues I can. Some relationships are not able to be repaired, and that is just life, all you can do is step up to the plate and try with a clear heart and true intentions for peace. If the other party is not willing to do the same you need to let it go. Without working the steps first, I was unable to work on these types of issues and resolve them. I can not perform the work if I am not fit or able.
Please find a good sponsor. What does that look like? Not necessarily someone that is "just like you". My first sponsor was a 73 year old man who was a pastor. I am a single mother in my 30s. But he had 30 years of sobriety and a calm and understanding that I wanted. Just being around him felt peaceful - and I wanted THAT. He was a good listener and a good guide through the steps.
I am now on my second sponsor - someone with 25 years of sobriety, someone who has had time with both AA and Al-Anon and we are working the steps again. I have heard it called "stage B recovery". The first time through it got me out of crisis. It really changed me as a person. Now I am looking to take it to the next level and feel that a woman who has experience in sobriety as well as codependency issues will be better suited to me. My goal is to become better at step 12. I want to be of better service to those in need so I think a slower, more in depth look at the steps and how they work will help me do this. The first time through - I was purely there to save my life - and that it did.
If you need to chat, please feel free to private message me, it will go directly to my email.
One day at a time, sweety. Really. Today is all we can worry about and resolving your issues and getting comfortable in your own skin will help you be able to handle the outside stuff better and not let it consume your emotional and physical well-being - and foremost - threaten your sobriety.
Please keep coming back.
Tricia