Step Two Questions - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

1 - What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?

My concept of a Higher Power is one of a Spirit that is known by different names by different faiths.  This Higher Power resides in me and in all things.  This Higher Power is unconditional LOVE.  When I call upon the Higher Power, I feel peaceful, whole, complete.  I know that the Higher Power is able to love me and hear my needs.  I know the Higher Power is able to care for me.  I know that I can give the Higher Power any of my fears, and of my problems, etc. and the Higher Power can take care of them - because the Higher Power is able to take care of anything...and will take care of whatever I give with unconditional LOVE.

2. What does Came To Believe mean to me?

I think "came to believe" for me is really more like, "needed to remember." I always knew there was the Higher Power.  I keep forgetting. 

When I forget - then I'm a complete basket case...I feel so alone, depressed, I feel as if there is no one else in the world that could ever understand what I am feeling / am going through.  How can anyone know what it's like to have a daughter who is an alcoholic/drug addict who abuses her mother (me)?  It is so painful...there are times that I have wanted to kill myself.  (But the fact that my mother, brother and daughter all FAILED in their suicide attempts actually prevented me from ever attempting suicide.)

When I remember there is a Higher Power:  I cry.  No, I sob.  I turn over all of my fears, problems, every little thing that I can't handle over to the Higher Power.  I basically say, "Here...I can't handle this.  You're bigger than me.  You have enough Love to carry all of this, and to mend my broken heart."  Next thing I know - I'm not crying anymore - and I feel peaceful and calm.  I'm good to go.  I start counting my Blessings.

3. What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?

My waking hours won't be fear-driven:  I am so afraid of getting a phone call or visit from the police that my daughter is either in the hospital or in the morgue that I find myself becoming paralyzed.  I need to find a job - yet I am sabotaging jobs that are actually wanting to hire me.  I am turning down invitations to go out for a quick run to grab a bite to eat with a friend at Cracker Barrel.  I go out to the grocery store so fast that I often forget to buy everything that I need.  My fear affects my sex-life with my husband that I'm not really involved like I used to be.  My husband is patient - but my fear of abandonment is now kicking in.  BY ACCEPTING & REMEMBERING the Higher Power will enable me to not be fear driven - so I can go out,  So I can enjoy my husband.  So I can live a life without fear.

4. What does sanity mean to me?

I think I just answered that in question #3:  Living a life without fear!

Thanks Noni...I appreciate your shares.

Love,cheri

Cheri - I also appreciate your shares.  Thank you.  We will get through this...and we will be better and stronger for it!  Love, Noni

What attributes do you associate with this Higher power?
Spirit - Unconditional Love - Peace - Calm - Humour - In all things - Available to everyone

What blocks you from believing a Higher Power can help restore you?
Remembering!  Getting caught up in my own worries and fears.  Allowing my own will and my own agenda and my own desire to fix things and control things get in the way.  When I step aside and REMEMBER that the Higher Power knows better than I do how to fix things, then everything is better.

List any events in your life that come to mind.
I can usually rattle off loads of events that fall into this category - but I've got a block right now.  Hopefully I'll remember and have them in my home journal or here by Monday's meeting.