STEP 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
From 12 Steps - A Way Out
"We work Step 5 by bringing our Step 4 inventory to our Higher Power in prayerful admission. We work Step Five by being honest with ourselves, by looking ourselves in the eye, and reciting our inventory. We work Step 5 by sharing with someone we can trust, someone who will understand, someone who will encourage and not condemn us. The work of admitting our wrongs is the task here. Not easy work, but absolutely necessary.
We begin with just admitting our wrongs. We admit how our behaviors have been hurtful to ourselves and others. It is not necessary to discuss how the wrongs came about or how changes will be made. You are not seeking counsel or advice.
1) I was an over-indulgent mother. This caused my daughter to be spoiled and helpless. According to the ACA books I am reading, this has caused her to grow up and have problems of her own – for which I am responsible for…and if she recognizes this – she will be able to work through these and she can heal from my mistakes as a parent.
2) I grew up telling lies to people – to hide myself and my home life. These lies have hurt people that I have cared about over the years.
3) I was insecure in my relationship with my current husband. I brought baggage from my past into this relationship. This has caused us to have fights in the past that were unnecessary and were very hurtful to him.
4) I gave up on myself a long time ago which affected my health.
What are your hopes and fears surrounding Step 5?
My hope is to heal my inner child – so that I can become a functional “normal” adult.
My fear is my inner child will withdraw and hide something from me during this step that should be brought out – that could be beneficial in our healing.
Which of your faults is the most difficult to acknowledge to someone else? I have trouble reading.
Why? People might think I’m stupid.
If you admitted your wrongs to your HP, you can count on your HP's loving acceptance of you. Describe your feelings for being forgiven by your HP?
I have admitted my wrongs to my HP. I know my HP has accepted me as I am. Do I feel forgiven by my HP? Yes. The fact is – I am having trouble forgiving myself. So – how do I feel about my HP forgiving me…I don’t know because I haven’t yet forgiven myself. This is where I’m stuck.
What are you using to distract yourself from the pain of being broken? (eg. tv, food, music, work, relationships, substance abuse, etc).
TV, Books, Gardening, Food, you name it – I’m doing it.
Which of your character traits or weaknesses cause you to feel fear or embarrassment when you think of sharing your story with another person?
I feel that I’m a broken record – that I’m going to bore other people.
I am hurting so deeply on the inside: I love and miss my daughter so much. I want her back in my life so much, and others think that I’m a fool for inviting her back into my life because she abuses me. I love her! She’s my daughter. She is my only child. I wanted her. I planned to have her. I raised her. I pray for her day and night that God protects her.
What values do you see in admitting your faults to another person whom you respect and can trust to keep your confidence?
It is wonderful to know that there is a person who is flesh and bone on earth who will accept me as I am. This is unconditional love.
-- Edited by Noni at 15:05, 2005-07-18
Noni said
Jul 22, 2005
This is actually an edited version of Step 5...(I was not able to edit the above post)....
1) I was an over-indulgent mother. This caused my daughter to be spoiled and helpless. This is my fault. I have also over-reacted to my daughter when we fought - and I lost my temper.
2) I grew up telling lies to people – to hide myself and my home life. I was ashamed of my home life.
I told people that they couldn't come over to my house and play because my parents were old, when in fact my brother and mother were alcoholics. My parents would beat me all of the time. I didn't want people to see all the horrible things that were going on in my house. I didn't want anyone to see the horrors I was living through.
I lied when I told people I was getting out of being grounded. No one cared if I was grounded or not in my house. My mother did not want me in my house. My mother told me she preferred if I ran away.
3) I was insecure in my relationship with my current husband. I brought baggage from my past into this relationship. This has caused us to have fights in the past that were unnecessary and were very hurtful to him.
4) I gave up on myself a long time ago which affected my health. I allowed myself to get fat a long time ago - and waited too long to find out about my health problems.
What are your hopes and fears surrounding Step 5?
My hope is to heal my inner child – so that I can become a functional “normal” adult.
My hope is that I have now identified all of my health problems that they can be fixed - and I can become healthy.
My fear is my inner child will withdraw and hide something from me during this step that should be brought out – that could be beneficial in our healing.
My fear is that I have let some of my health problems go too long that they cannot be fixed.
Which of your faults is the most difficult to acknowledge to someone else? My temper.
Why? I was always told that it is wrong for me to get angry.
If you admitted your wrongs to your Higher Power, you can count on your Higher Power's loving acceptance of you. Describe your feelings for being forgiven by your Higher Power?
I have admitted my wrongs to my HP. I know my HP has accepted me as I am. Do I feel forgiven by my HP? Yes. The fact is – I am having trouble forgiving myself. So – how do I feel about my HP forgiving me…GREAT. I have a problem of forgiving myself. This is where I’m stuck.
What are you using to distract yourself from the pain of being broken? (eg. tv, food, music, work, relationships, substance abuse, etc).
TV, Books, Gardening, Food, you name it – I’m doing it.
Which of your character traits or weaknesses cause you to feel fear or embarrassment when you think of sharing your story with another person?
I feel that I’m a broken record – that I bore other people.
What values do you see in admitting your faults to another person whom you respect and can trust to keep your confidence?
It is wonderful to know that there is a person who is flesh and bone on earth who will accept me as I am. This is unconditional love.
-- Edited by Noni at 15:02, 2005-07-22
raman said
Jul 25, 2005
Hi,, really interesting !!!!
My sponsor had very clearly said=
"Dont expect it all to go away at once, you need to repeat what works eacxh time something that dosent work rears its head again "'
So this is the most difficult part of self acceptance,,,each time self hate and self loathing come up,, i need to repeat what worked to regain self acceptance..
Mine has been a long and ardous journey into self acceptance and feeling of self worth !!
I do however strongly opine that until i actually admit the exact nature of my wrong and not just the wrong doing,,, then im that musc away from self acceptance....
Self acceptance = being restored to original loving self !!!!
For that i need to release the old thoughts !!
Lets take the example of telling lies=( we all do or did it )
telling a lie in order to gain acceptance or to make a profit seems to be gratifying at that time something that i can easily justify at the moment,, but later it forms into guilt. Guilt is an indication of me having done something wrong and that i need to right it. We in order to recover now look at those incidents rather than run away or block em from memory !!!
So wher do i begin ????!!!
First I admit to HP and to my innermost self
"Yes Hp,, i lied"
Next then i go ahead and accept
"Yes Hp i was being dishonest in telling that lie"
I think that allowing HP to know that i know i was dishonest will relieve me of that wrong, but wait,, how do i stop that pattern or actions of dishonesty from being repeated????( obviously, dishonesty is not good for recovery-sobriety)get
I finally get to the actual thought i had in the first place that led to the lie !!!!!!!!
Then i surrender it to H.P. and acknowledge the fact that those thoughts came from hate or greed !!!!
So we need to believe that we hated the people we lied to or that greed blinded us to
the possiblity of being reasonable, satisfied people !!!
Yes ???
Are we thinking together on this ???
Are we at a point of choiceless awareness of what works when all else fails ????
My own experience=
I was miserable and had a horrible time in the first 5 years or so my my sobriety-recovery,,, simply cause ,, yes i was admitting wrongs left right and centre,, but kept doing those same wrongs ,,,I was baffled and scared by it all .
Then finally, encouraged by my sponsor, i got release and freedom by looking for the exact nature of my wrong and becoming entirely willng to let go and Humbly asking HP to stop me from being in the shortcoming !!!
This is something we need to do on a daily basis,, i do so even in my 18th year of sobriety !
Ive learnt that
Lack of self acceptance is a very subtle but "diseasing" defect of character, which by its very nature leads to feelings of uselessness and low self worth !~!!!
But yess,,,, we do recover !!!
Thank you !!!!!
-- Edited by raman at 21:48, 2005-07-25
Noni said
Jul 26, 2005
Raman,
Thank you for sharing both your own insights and those from your sponsor.
I'm going to take that one thing that your sponsor told you, "Dont expect it all to go away at once, you need to repeat what works each time something that dosen't work rears its head again, " and put it into my journal. It sounds like something I want to look at often.
Thank you.
Noni
raman said
Jul 26, 2005
Yeaaaaaaa !!!!
You are welcome !!!!
May the Blessings Be !!!
All the very best of recovery to you Noni !!!!
STEP 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
From 12 Steps - A Way Out
"We work Step 5 by bringing our Step 4 inventory to our Higher Power in prayerful admission. We work Step Five by being honest with ourselves, by looking ourselves in the eye, and reciting our inventory. We work Step 5 by sharing with someone we can trust, someone who will understand, someone who will encourage and not condemn us. The work of admitting our wrongs is the task here. Not easy work, but absolutely necessary.
We begin with just admitting our wrongs. We admit how our behaviors have been hurtful to ourselves and others. It is not necessary to discuss how the wrongs came about or how changes will be made. You are not seeking counsel or advice.
1) I was an over-indulgent mother. This caused my daughter to be spoiled and helpless. According to the ACA books I am reading, this has caused her to grow up and have problems of her own – for which I am responsible for…and if she recognizes this – she will be able to work through these and she can heal from my mistakes as a parent.
2) I grew up telling lies to people – to hide myself and my home life. These lies have hurt people that I have cared about over the years.
3) I was insecure in my relationship with my current husband. I brought baggage from my past into this relationship. This has caused us to have fights in the past that were unnecessary and were very hurtful to him.
4) I gave up on myself a long time ago which affected my health.
What are your hopes and fears surrounding Step 5?
My hope is to heal my inner child – so that I can become a functional “normal” adult.
My fear is my inner child will withdraw and hide something from me during this step that should be brought out – that could be beneficial in our healing.
Which of your faults is the most difficult to acknowledge to someone else? I have trouble reading.
Why? People might think I’m stupid.
If you admitted your wrongs to your HP, you can count on your HP's loving acceptance of you. Describe your feelings for being forgiven by your HP?
I have admitted my wrongs to my HP. I know my HP has accepted me as I am. Do I feel forgiven by my HP? Yes. The fact is – I am having trouble forgiving myself. So – how do I feel about my HP forgiving me…I don’t know because I haven’t yet forgiven myself. This is where I’m stuck.
What are you using to distract yourself from the pain of being broken? (eg. tv, food, music, work, relationships, substance abuse, etc).
TV, Books, Gardening, Food, you name it – I’m doing it.
Which of your character traits or weaknesses cause you to feel fear or embarrassment when you think of sharing your story with another person?
I feel that I’m a broken record – that I’m going to bore other people.
I am hurting so deeply on the inside: I love and miss my daughter so much. I want her back in my life so much, and others think that I’m a fool for inviting her back into my life because she abuses me. I love her! She’s my daughter. She is my only child. I wanted her. I planned to have her. I raised her. I pray for her day and night that God protects her.
What values do you see in admitting your faults to another person whom you respect and can trust to keep your confidence?
It is wonderful to know that there is a person who is flesh and bone on earth who will accept me as I am. This is unconditional love.
-- Edited by Noni at 15:05, 2005-07-18
This is actually an edited version of Step 5...(I was not able to edit the above post)....
1) I was an over-indulgent mother. This caused my daughter to be spoiled and helpless. This is my fault. I have also over-reacted to my daughter when we fought - and I lost my temper.
2) I grew up telling lies to people – to hide myself and my home life. I was ashamed of my home life.
I told people that they couldn't come over to my house and play because my parents were old, when in fact my brother and mother were alcoholics. My parents would beat me all of the time. I didn't want people to see all the horrible things that were going on in my house. I didn't want anyone to see the horrors I was living through.
I lied when I told people I was getting out of being grounded. No one cared if I was grounded or not in my house. My mother did not want me in my house. My mother told me she preferred if I ran away.
3) I was insecure in my relationship with my current husband. I brought baggage from my past into this relationship. This has caused us to have fights in the past that were unnecessary and were very hurtful to him.
4) I gave up on myself a long time ago which affected my health. I allowed myself to get fat a long time ago - and waited too long to find out about my health problems.
What are your hopes and fears surrounding Step 5?
My hope is to heal my inner child – so that I can become a functional “normal” adult.
My hope is that I have now identified all of my health problems that they can be fixed - and I can become healthy.
My fear is my inner child will withdraw and hide something from me during this step that should be brought out – that could be beneficial in our healing.
My fear is that I have let some of my health problems go too long that they cannot be fixed.
Which of your faults is the most difficult to acknowledge to someone else? My temper.
Why? I was always told that it is wrong for me to get angry.
If you admitted your wrongs to your Higher Power, you can count on your Higher Power's loving acceptance of you. Describe your feelings for being forgiven by your Higher Power?
I have admitted my wrongs to my HP. I know my HP has accepted me as I am. Do I feel forgiven by my HP? Yes. The fact is – I am having trouble forgiving myself. So – how do I feel about my HP forgiving me…GREAT. I have a problem of forgiving myself. This is where I’m stuck.
What are you using to distract yourself from the pain of being broken? (eg. tv, food, music, work, relationships, substance abuse, etc).
TV, Books, Gardening, Food, you name it – I’m doing it.
Which of your character traits or weaknesses cause you to feel fear or embarrassment when you think of sharing your story with another person?
I feel that I’m a broken record – that I bore other people.
What values do you see in admitting your faults to another person whom you respect and can trust to keep your confidence?
It is wonderful to know that there is a person who is flesh and bone on earth who will accept me as I am. This is unconditional love.
-- Edited by Noni at 15:02, 2005-07-22
-- Edited by raman at 21:48, 2005-07-25
Raman,
Thank you for sharing both your own insights and those from your sponsor.
I'm going to take that one thing that your sponsor told you, "Dont expect it all to go away at once, you need to repeat what works each time something that dosen't work rears its head again, " and put it into my journal. It sounds like something I want to look at often.
Thank you.
Noni
-- Edited by raman at 20:28, 2005-07-26