Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him.

When I first fell into the 12 step programs, flat on my face and lower than I have ever been, step 3 was PURELY my complete willingness to move forward with an open mind.  I am here.  I am powerless.  I am insane.  And I trust this program with my life.  Leave my ego at the door and accept what I am asked to do with no preconceived notions, no lies, no denial.  And I did.  I made a decision to do the work and to turn my life over, the shambles it was in, to this program.  It was completely obvious that I was not currently capable of doing anything - showering and eating were a challenge.  All I could do was cry.

Now - steps 1 - 3 for me are really a broad brush stroke.  I return to them daily - especially when I am feeling my ego swell or my willfullness take charge.  It is an opportunity to take a deep breath and grab some humilty.  Sometimes it is a chance to take a deep breath and take care of me.  It is my reset button. 

Many people stumble over step 3 for very long periods of time - letting it stir in them their indecision or anger at God, their disbelief in God, and making them feel like they have to believe or answer all these "faith" based questions before moving on.  I remember when this was discussed in one of my very first meetings.  I looked at my exA, heart palpitating a bit, and simply said "uh oh".  He explained it could be anything - a doorknob - this Group Of Drunks and that quieted me a bit.  Not until I was sitting in front of my AA sponsor, who was a pastor and he didn't CARE if I believed, he didn't try to sell me on God - he just wanted to know if I was completely willing.  Then I understood.  It must truly not matter.  To me it doesn't.  I do believe for those who have lost faith, question their faith, or have not found the God of their understanding - it is in steps 4 - 12...the answer to what scares you when you read step 3.

Thank you for letting me share.

Tricia


-- Edited by tlcate on Wednesday 8th of December 2010 05:27:06 PM

Step 3... become willing to turn it over!... not my strong point... fellow control freak here but I am slowly learning... a "God Box" has been essential for me here... prayers and hugs to the group.

Tricia thats a very good idea that perhaps could help newbies who dont believe in God, to just keep their minds open and do the work. Its very understandable that people will suffer greatly with doubt about God, after all there is so much hurt and suffering in this life, and its hard to believe sometimes that a loving God does exist, even for those who are believers, so if they were struggling as non believers perhaps to just begin by having an open mind even announce that the program is their HP for that moment. Even though I am a believer, Step 3 is still a revealtion to me in that, although I have already turned my life over to God, my marriage, my health, my wealth etc etc, I now see through this site that I was being a control freak in that I tried so hard to monitor my sons and husbands drinking, I constantly obsessed about it, what day they might drink, how much they would spend, how much they would drink, even down to counting their drinks etc etc, a lot of this is due to the anxiety I suffer from, and wanting to control a situation I knew would get out of hand due to their drinking, trying to protect myself or keep myself safe, as when my parents drank when I was a child, very bad things happened, my husband and sons drinking would trigger all this and I would go back to being a child and try to "control" the scary situation I was in and protect myself. I also had very big trust issues and found it hard to trust a God who had let all that happen to me and now hand over my life to him, but felt at such peace when I did, being honest, I wasnt doing a great job with my life, so why not let someone/something else try, and thank God it worked, however, due to my anxiety I am going to be very very strict with Step 3 on a daily basis because although my husband has stopped drinking and my son now moved out, I will still try to control or monitor them and obsess and focus on them, so I really will have to be very firm with this. Hotrod, what is the Step 3 Prayer could you put it up here please? Desirae, what is a God box? thanks to all for posting failte

The above is the 11th step prayer which I sometimes use in the morning to start my day.  I also use the   St . Francis Prayer which is  found on the back of the little Bookmark  entitled "Just for Today" 

That prayer I consider my 3rd step prayer.  It  asks that God make me an instrument of His peace.  I know I cannot do this step without HPs help so  both  e prayers  confirms that fact as well as my willingness but not my ability to do so 

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 8th of December 2010 07:58:33 PM

I love it Betty! Thank you!

Step 3 is a step that I have taken with help of other AA members who have helped me turn it over. I have a pebble in my handbag with the words turn it over and then when I do it says, turn it over. I really need this step and really incorporate it into my prayer in the morning when I am asking my hp to keep me from a drink today. As I struggle with handing things over, it has become easier and it has become habituel to do this. It certainly works.

Here is some help. This is how Step No. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. ________________________________________ In the first step we learned that we had lost the power of choice and had to make a decision. What decision could we make better than to turn our very will over to God, realizing: a. that our own use of our own will had resulted in trouble? b.As in the Lord's Prayer, you must believe and practice thy will be done. God as we understand Him. Religion is a word we do not use in A.A. We refer to a member's relation to God as the spiritual. A religion is a form of worship - - not the worship itself. If a man cannot believe in God he can certainly believe in something greater than himself. If he cannot believe in a power greater than himself he is a rather hopeless egotist.

Step 3, all one has to do is make the decision. You decide who is going to do a better job of running your life. If you're like me, the best answer isn't "why, my job losing, cheating self".

This wasn't so bad for me because I have a belief in a certain HP for me, and it was in place, I just wasn't praying to my HP anymore at the time I came to alanon. I already had a faith, but it had gotten swept away by 9 years of living with an abusive husband (now ex.) So coming to Alanon allowed that faith to open back up. I have faith. I will move on :)

Falite... a God Box... I have a decorative keep sake box that I use. I write down on a piece of paper what I know I need to turn over to God at that moment and I put it in the box. I suppose you could use any method of doing this. But I have found that making a physical gesture of handing things over to God helps me stay strong enough spiritually to hold myself accountable and actually hand it over. Many times I go through the slips of paper and write down in my journal what I believe I have accomplished. If there is a thought in there I have not yet turned over to God... I write it down again and put it right back in there. Sounded silly to me when I heard about it... but I was surprised to find that it is just what I needed.

Thanks for this Desirae and its not silly at all, i had posted on another threat about a gift box, putting all your worries in the gift box then giving it to God, so same theory, thanks again and I WILL use this! failte