I am not sure what to do right now with these overwhelming feelings I have,  but I am so glad I just found this forum. I have ignored, walked around, under, over, and did all I could do to deny any kind of pain or grief I have had.
However for the last week I have been so angry, and I am expressing that by non-stop crying. I want to run away, but I don't know where to go. I feel so scared; almost like a caged animal.
I have 18 years of sobriety, and I thought my life was all wrapped up in a neat package. You know, "Looks good on paper" WOW! I have been blind! I am so mad at myself for ignoring all of this grief, anger, sadness, and shame. I am really, really tired of making excuses for isolating myself.
I want to be able to reach out to people; especially, when I am not OK.
Thats about all I have to say. Thank you.

Hi Susan Welcome to MIP

  Please look for a face to face meeting in your community  It is so important to break the isolation and connect with those who understand  Congrat on your many years sobriety  You posted to a Board that is not visited too often.

If you go to the main Board:  Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums
click on AA Board or the Alanon Board  you will connect with many who will welcome you and share there wisdom.

Please keep coming We understand the pain .   Denial and Pretend stop working and now it is time to develop new constructive tools to live by.

There is hope

there are online meetings to get into or get back into working the program... it is so much more than beating the substance abuse... it is about practicing these steps in all of our affairs. Please check out the daily  meetings at www.12stepforums.net Prayers to you...