Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
While working the steps, step 6 slip by so quickly - just about as quickly as it does in the Big Book - a single paragraph. As I spent more time studying the steps and took a sponsee through them, the importance of this step grew for me. Whenever I think of Step 6 I am reminded of steps 1 and 3. Step 1 because this is where I had to completely let go and admit that I was powerless. I had to surrender because my life had become, well unmanageable seems an understatement. I had to do this 100% for it to be effective. Then the willingness in step 3. For me, Steps 1 - 3 were the beginning, me becoming prepared to do the work. Then I had to roll up my sleeves and dive into step 4 & 5 for my awareness. To sit down and do the work. To sift through my life and be honest about who I was, my actions, their motives, how it effected my life and others. To share all of this with another.
Then step 6
This feels like a transition step for me. I was still in "work mode" but now I am transitioning from awareness and acceptance to making change. Just like steps 1 - 3 where I was able to take a moment and think about this, become willing and commit to my coming work 100% - I believe step 6 is this as well. This is an opportunity for me to forgive myself, accept myself and all that I learned in steps 4 & 5, let go of my guilt and shame and become ready to do the work that accomplishes that. This is a time to reflect on what I have learned and become ready to do steps 8 & 9. They say that you can only do step 1 perfectly. I disagree. I believe that you can do step 6 perfectly. For me I was doing the same thing. I was admitting and accepting the things I learned in steps 4 & 5 and committing myself to do the work of steps 8 & 9. Committing to being honest with myself and giving it all I have, otherwise I am wasting my time. Surrendering to the process with faith that it works. Allowing myself to accept the freedom offered in step 5 and becoming lighter by dropping the baggage of guilt and shame so that I can better perform steps 8 and 9.
This is my chance to accept my defects and have hope for change. I do not expect perfection. I want to aim myself in the right direction and do the best I can. Just as step 1 is a chance to hit "reset" at any moment - I believe step 6 is as well. This is yet another opportunity to pause and think, to change. To realize a feeling, behavior, action that has hurt you in the past that you keep doing over and over and over - you can return to step 6 and strive for change. You can let go of that behavior at any time, returning to step 6 and let it go - and make a change. Just as I can run into outside disturbances that cause me to be upset and return to step 1 and realize that I am powerless - I can run into internal disturbances and return to step 6 and remember that I CAN CHANGE.
Just as we make lists in step 4 and step 8 - I made a list in step 6 and refer to it often. What behaviors or feelings do I want to let go of? And there is a disclaimer on this list. I am allowed to fail and not beat myself up - but I am not allowed to not try.
I want to let go of:
Fear Worry Low Self Esteem Self Neglect / Rejection / hatred Lack of self trust Inability to trust others or trust those not worthy of my trust Guilt Shame Attraction to dysfunctional people need to be perfect
Just an example of the list I have made. This list also contains things I want to change or learn, not just let go of - such as learning to set boundaries, detaching with love, and stop taking care of people so they can learn to take care of themselves.
Step 6 is the time I turn from looking at my past and face the future and the work that needs to be done there.
Yours in recovery,
Linistea
-- Edited by Linistea on Thursday 17th of February 2011 02:35:15 AM
hotrod said
Feb 17, 2011
My first Sixth Step was the most powerful and memorable. Having rigorously worked the first 5 Steps, I was out of denial and planted in reality. I could no longer use my old tools of blame, judge, critique and focus on others as a way to escape from feeling the pain of my own defects..
These defects were so pointedly exposed in my 4th and 5 th step The most glaring of these were my anger, resentments, self pity and fear. I lived in the past or the future never the present (where true change can occur) and I did not want to take care of myself!!! These issues were deeply ingrained within my being and I could no longer afford to "Blame" others for causing them or being responsible.
This was the step where I HAD to FEEL the true Pain caused by MY DEFECTS and MY holding on to anger, resentment etc. I may not have been fully responsible for the actions that caused them but being out of denial I could own the fact that these were now ingrained within me and were very hurtful. They were fully mine and the only way to accept them was to think, know and feel the pain caused by retaining them
When the pain of holding on to my"Way", my "Anger", "my Sadness",My"Fear" was too overwhelming I became entirely ready to move to the 7th Step and ask HP to remove them
You see I had tried many times in the past to remove these defect but my efforts never worked on the deep level where they lived. . When I surrendered to this program I became willing to recover and use these tolls to grow and change I stopped trying to do it my way and although I loved some of my defects (my anger, my critical way) I was wiling to let them go in order to grow That is when I surrendered my defects to HP
I have done many other 6th steps but none have been as powerful as my first
Thanks for letting me share.
Jerry F said
Feb 18, 2011
Since recovery isn't about perfection but progress the readiness of Step 6 is a daily practice. In reactive moments I reach back for stuff from the past, before Al-Anon and AA. Those stuffs didn't work to the best of me and others and I needed to get rid of them. Mostly that is done and I have new character assets and tools along with the compulsion at times to disregard them and use what didn't work in the past. Once I got entirely ready I continued to work on staying entirely ready. Thank God this isn't a one day program.
Desirae said
Feb 18, 2011
WOW... I'm not there yet... but hearing about those of you that are is very inspiring! I have just begun step 4 and it is not easy for me at all... but I have learned how to take the steps in order and how important it is to do each one wholeheartedly as opposed to looking at them like the ten commandments (all 12 accomplished at once). Hearing how your spirits lift in your above shares... I am inspired to work harder on my way through this program... so thank you and big huggs to all.
mariposa333 said
Mar 5, 2011
I have tried for 57 years to remove my defects of character. It wasn't until last week when I was fired from my job that I could work this step. I had most of my identity tied up in two things: my dysfunction as an adult child and my career. When I lost my job I knew I could no longer continue with my dysfunction as I believe that is what got me to losing my job. I could not control the bitterness in my heart as it always came out with pain, anger and meanness in my tongue. I spoke meaness. I was meaness and yet I could intellectully tell myself I knew better. I could not act better. So this step is about complete surrender to God to remove my defects, to obtain guidance, to get out of my ego and have God be my guide. These defects only hurt me, my family and anyone around me. I can not give my goodness of character as it is filtered by my bitter outbursts of anger and pain. I have spent the last week asking God to help me change, to apply the Serenity prayer and make me new again. I want so much to be healed and I now know fullheartedly that it is only through God can I change. That is what the 6th step is about.
maery said
Mar 22, 2011
Before coming into recovery, I didn't have many choices. I was compelled to behave in the same ways I had always acted, blaming others, reacting to all around me, and without awareness of myself or how I related to others.
Step 1 was the beginning of realization of how this didn't work in my life. Step 2 was the beginning of a solution. Step 3 was a process of learning to let go and step 4 was the process of looking at myself and starting to realize and understand the negatives, posatives and how this had hurt myself and others. 5 was a continuation of that process and the beginning of letting go of all of the guilt, shame and preconceived ideas that I had held onto.
Step 6 (for me) is a continuation of steps 2 and 3. It is acknowledgement that today, I have choices. In all honesty I am not always willing to 'let go' of my character defects. Sometimes it seems much easier to squall around in the same self-pity and self-defeating ways that feel so very familiar and it can be very confusing just to be 'willing'. I think willing is a very central word in this step, because without willingness to change, I remain stuck in the past. I have a choice every day to get up and take some time to meditate, to do some things that are nice for myself, to be gentle and loving to myself and to treat myself with the dignity that I never had before. Or, I can deny myself, hurt myself and act in the same defeating ways as I have always done.
For me, I must first be willing before change can happen.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
While working the steps, step 6 slip by so quickly - just about as quickly as it does in the Big Book - a single paragraph. As I spent more time studying the steps and took a sponsee through them, the importance of this step grew for me. Whenever I think of Step 6 I am reminded of steps 1 and 3. Step 1 because this is where I had to completely let go and admit that I was powerless. I had to surrender because my life had become, well unmanageable seems an understatement. I had to do this 100% for it to be effective. Then the willingness in step 3. For me, Steps 1 - 3 were the beginning, me becoming prepared to do the work. Then I had to roll up my sleeves and dive into step 4 & 5 for my awareness. To sit down and do the work. To sift through my life and be honest about who I was, my actions, their motives, how it effected my life and others. To share all of this with another.
Then step 6
This feels like a transition step for me. I was still in "work mode" but now I am transitioning from awareness and acceptance to making change. Just like steps 1 - 3 where I was able to take a moment and think about this, become willing and commit to my coming work 100% - I believe step 6 is this as well. This is an opportunity for me to forgive myself, accept myself and all that I learned in steps 4 & 5, let go of my guilt and shame and become ready to do the work that accomplishes that. This is a time to reflect on what I have learned and become ready to do steps 8 & 9. They say that you can only do step 1 perfectly. I disagree. I believe that you can do step 6 perfectly. For me I was doing the same thing. I was admitting and accepting the things I learned in steps 4 & 5 and committing myself to do the work of steps 8 & 9. Committing to being honest with myself and giving it all I have, otherwise I am wasting my time. Surrendering to the process with faith that it works. Allowing myself to accept the freedom offered in step 5 and becoming lighter by dropping the baggage of guilt and shame so that I can better perform steps 8 and 9.
This is my chance to accept my defects and have hope for change. I do not expect perfection. I want to aim myself in the right direction and do the best I can. Just as step 1 is a chance to hit "reset" at any moment - I believe step 6 is as well. This is yet another opportunity to pause and think, to change. To realize a feeling, behavior, action that has hurt you in the past that you keep doing over and over and over - you can return to step 6 and strive for change. You can let go of that behavior at any time, returning to step 6 and let it go - and make a change. Just as I can run into outside disturbances that cause me to be upset and return to step 1 and realize that I am powerless - I can run into internal disturbances and return to step 6 and remember that I CAN CHANGE.
Just as we make lists in step 4 and step 8 - I made a list in step 6 and refer to it often. What behaviors or feelings do I want to let go of? And there is a disclaimer on this list. I am allowed to fail and not beat myself up - but I am not allowed to not try.
I want to let go of:
Fear
Worry
Low Self Esteem
Self Neglect / Rejection / hatred
Lack of self trust
Inability to trust others or trust those not worthy of my trust
Guilt
Shame
Attraction to dysfunctional people
need to be perfect
Just an example of the list I have made. This list also contains things I want to change or learn, not just let go of - such as learning to set boundaries, detaching with love, and stop taking care of people so they can learn to take care of themselves.
Step 6 is the time I turn from looking at my past and face the future and the work that needs to be done there.
Yours in recovery,
Linistea
-- Edited by Linistea on Thursday 17th of February 2011 02:35:15 AM
Since recovery isn't about perfection but progress the readiness of Step 6 is a daily
practice. In reactive moments I reach back for stuff from the past, before Al-Anon
and AA. Those stuffs didn't work to the best of me and others and I needed to get
rid of them. Mostly that is done and I have new character assets and tools along
with the compulsion at times to disregard them and use what didn't work in the past.
Once I got entirely ready I continued to work on staying entirely ready. Thank God
this isn't a one day program.
Step 1 was the beginning of realization of how this didn't work in my life. Step 2 was the beginning of a solution. Step 3 was a process of learning to let go and step 4 was the process of looking at myself and starting to realize and understand the negatives, posatives and how this had hurt myself and others. 5 was a continuation of that process and the beginning of letting go of all of the guilt, shame and preconceived ideas that I had held onto.
Step 6 (for me) is a continuation of steps 2 and 3. It is acknowledgement that today, I have choices. In all honesty I am not always willing to 'let go' of my character defects. Sometimes it seems much easier to squall around in the same self-pity and self-defeating ways that feel so very familiar and it can be very confusing just to be 'willing'. I think willing is a very central word in this step, because without willingness to change, I remain stuck in the past. I have a choice every day to get up and take some time to meditate, to do some things that are nice for myself, to be gentle and loving to myself and to treat myself with the dignity that I never had before. Or, I can deny myself, hurt myself and act in the same defeating ways as I have always done.
For me, I must first be willing before change can happen.