Step Nine - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 1. What are my motives for making amends? Am I willing to accept the outcome, whatever I may be.? 2. Which people on my list do I need to make direct amends first? 3. What is the difference between an apology and making amends? Which amends will be best done by changing my behavior? 4. What amends am I putting off? Why? This was a hard Step for me but the peace I found was worth the work. Love in Recovery - Dot

Hmmmmm.....

This is a hard step for me.  I worked for a gas station when I was 19/20, when I first met my now husband.  he had a better paying job than I did, and we had quite the lifestyle.  SO, since it was easy, I often slipped $20 bills into my pocket instead of the till.  There was no way to tell if I was pocketing money, so I got away with it. I never got caught.

I often wonder if they knew.  That is the amend that first comes to light every time I think of this step.  I know that we don't have to do it if it will injure others, but I am not sure if it will.  I like to justify myself to think that it might bring up things in the manager's heart that will cause her damage, but know for sure that I am just filling my head with garbage to avoid doing it.

You see, I am still friends with these people, and am not the person I was then.  I honestly feel that if I was to apologize, then they would know that I wronged them, I suppose that means that I was injuring myself... "others".

But, if I was just to put a couple hundred dollars in an envelope with a Sorry Card, then perhaps I would feel better.  They never have to know it was me, but I righted the wrong. Sure, it is 10 years later, but it is done.....

I dunno, thanks for listening.

Hi - Interesting delemma you have. When I was in doubt, I needed to remember that the amends were for me. I asked my Higher Power to guide me - to clear my mind so it was possible for me to make amends that would help me and not harm the other person. Then I let it go. In time I was able to make the amends that I needed to for me and the weight was lifted. Love in Recovery - Dot

I was actually afraid of this step, 4 was hard but it was all on paper. This step is actual face to face with the person or persons. One thing I did keep in mind was, It doesn't matter what they say back, if they forgive or not, this is for me to clean my side of the street.As I went down my list I do know there are a few people who I can't do it with cause it's not safe to do so (ex husband, ex monster in law) My mother was the first one I went to and it went better then expected, I wasn't there to say I was sorry, I wakas there to say what I did wrong and to make peace with her. I had another who down right told me where to go, but I was ok with it , cause since I cleaned my side of the street it's out of my hands and it's on them, The weight is lifted . So I am doing this step very slowly and picking who is safe to do this with and who to wait.