I ot a little bit of an inspiration just realizing that magic word powerless and doing a little bit of reflecting. I want to let anyone know who reads this that I am also an AA but I have gotten so wrapped up in being such a horrible al-anon and loosing the focus on me that it led me back out and back in. I have someone I respect in AA who said if I would do my AA program right I wouldn't need al-anon. I guess I am currently hoping that step work is step work and starting with admissions of powerlessness at Step One is the begining to opening up God's will in my life. I have always been one to think I was drinking at, but if I truly reflect (which I did once that my main problem was the lack of control over a chemical substance).
So from an Al-anon perspective it is no different whether I am powerless over my own powerlessness over the disease of alcohol or my spouse's. The ONLY thing I can control is my actions. Unfortunately that DOES not involve emotions but choices in the face of those emotions.
As I reflect on why I get so angry it is because it's not the way I want to feel. It's not the way I want to look at the other person. I want to look at him as the responsible head of the household. I want to be a member of a team and not resentful at feeling like I have to make all the mature decisions. And as I write this I see the I,I,I,I while it is really tied to him, him, him. I do feel powerless over the financial impacts and negative emotions that fly around the house and the lonliness. However I can use this forum to draw strength and courage to concentrate on what I am supposed to do in turning it over to God and start looking at myself.
I'll continue to reflect and post - and thanks again.
dot said
Nov 20, 2005
Hi - Welcome to the board. I have several friends who are double winners and two that I am their Al-Anon sponsor. They tell me they go to AA for their sobriety and Al-Anon for their serenity.
You came to the board at a good time. Next week we will start the Steps over again. I'm looking forward to your shares - on AA and on Al-Anon as you progress through our Steps.
Love and Hugs - Dot
Thank you guys so much for being here.
I ot a little bit of an inspiration just realizing that magic word powerless and doing a little bit of reflecting. I want to let anyone know who reads this that I am also an AA but I have gotten so wrapped up in being such a horrible al-anon and loosing the focus on me that it led me back out and back in. I have someone I respect in AA who said if I would do my AA program right I wouldn't need al-anon. I guess I am currently hoping that step work is step work and starting with admissions of powerlessness at Step One is the begining to opening up God's will in my life. I have always been one to think I was drinking at, but if I truly reflect (which I did once that my main problem was the lack of control over a chemical substance).
So from an Al-anon perspective it is no different whether I am powerless over my own powerlessness over the disease of alcohol or my spouse's. The ONLY thing I can control is my actions. Unfortunately that DOES not involve emotions but choices in the face of those emotions.
As I reflect on why I get so angry it is because it's not the way I want to feel. It's not the way I want to look at the other person. I want to look at him as the responsible head of the household. I want to be a member of a team and not resentful at feeling like I have to make all the mature decisions. And as I write this I see the I,I,I,I while it is really tied to him, him, him. I do feel powerless over the financial impacts and negative emotions that fly around the house and the lonliness. However I can use this forum to draw strength and courage to concentrate on what I am supposed to do in turning it over to God and start looking at myself.
I'll continue to reflect and post - and thanks again.