Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
This reopening of emotional wounds, some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfully festering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointless piece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the great advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal themselves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle after another melts away. These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, and one of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. 12 x 12 Pages 77 78
Justification one of the addicts greatest tools I know it was one of mine.We need to look past what others have done to us and look only at what we have done.In all of the 12 steps, step 8 is where I struggled the most.It was easy to justify why someone didnt need to be on my list.I also used the excuse that being clean was enough of an amends so those people didnt need to be on my list.The excuses go on and by the time my list was complete (In my mind) there werent many listed and being willing was very easy.
The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, Dont see anything the matter here, Ma. Aint it grand the wind stopped blowin? Big Book pg 82
From our fourth step inventory we have a list of the people we had harmed.We now return to the list and become willing to make amends to them all.I didnt practice this as well as it is described in our steps.I took the easier softer way and half measures which availed me nothing.It took me time and a relapse before I came to the realization that I hadnt I hadnt made a very good attempt at step 8.I strongly believe that no step is done wrong or incomplete if you do the best you can at the time.This wasnt the best I could do at the time I took the easier softer way.There were amends that I didnt want to make it would be very humbling, I guess I didnt work my 6th and 7th steps that well either by hanging on to some of my defects, and it was easier to justify that by being clean all was taken care of for step 8.
This is a program of spiritual progress and that progress is made by working these steps. That is told to us in the first part of step 12 Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps By not actually working step 8 I didnt realize that my search for spirituality and a better relationship with my higher power was hindered.When I finally made the list from my 4th step and included everyone and became truly willing to make the amends I needed to make I was then able to make spiritual progress.
Also on our list we need to include ourselves.We have probably done more harm to ourselves than to anyone on our list.Many times we are the hardest one to put on our list and become willing to make amends to.This was another very difficult part of the 8th step to be willing to make amends to me.
Please share your experience strength and hope
Fyne Spirit said
Mar 5, 2012
Hi all, I had not long turned 23 when I found myself contemplating this step and it is one area where those who are young that come to AA can feel especially encouraged. By that I mean that firstly my seven or eight years of destructive drinking was a relatively short time and so my list was shorter than many older members. Secondly, there is a wonderful thing about people out in the world, generally they are very willing to forgive young people's mistakes and are only too pleased to see us on a road to better things. With one or two exceptions, that is what I found when making amends. So there is no need to be fearful about this step.
To begin my list the obvious place to start was with my fourth step. There I had a list of many of the people I had harmed. Next I thought about who was coming into my mind, you know, those impromptu reminders that I will have to deal with someone sometime, the vision of a personage that causes my stomach to sink. Then I cast my mind back over the years for anyone else.
My list was made up of friends, family, workmates, employers, and members of the community whom I could identify. Then there was the list of "mates", people I drank with and sinned with and against whose proper names I did not know. It's funny but in the beginning (of sobriety) I thought these were my friends but they weren't interested in my recovery and our only common bond was they drank the way I did and still do if they're still alive that is. They were never genuine friends but I recognise that I used them to justify my own behaviour, so they deserved to be on the list. Just how to make amends was a matter for the next step and required the wise counsel of a good sponsor.
I recall feeling well motivated which had come from my experiences with the earlier steps. I was by then, absolutely convinced I was on the right path. The Big Book was proving to be "gospel" Armed with my list I went to see my sponsor to discuss how to proceed with the next step.
As a footnote, the Big book doesn't seem to dwell on step 8 in the instructions, it seems to mean that this step is very simple, we make our list and become willing to make amends, and if we are not willing, we pray for willingness. Also it refers to our fourth step lists as the main source of our list.
In my neck of the woods, a treatment centre took the bulk of our membership through the steps upto 5. And at that time practically everyone, with very few exceptions, went through that program. Their 4th step was effectively a written 5th step and was usually burnt after being read out to their chosen confessor. Most 4/5th steps contained incriminating material I am told, and therefore could not be kept for later use lest they be discovered. So they were not much use with the 8th. I still have my 4th and I am glad that I do. There is nothing in it that I would wish to conceal.
Step 8 AA
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
This reopening of emotional wounds, some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfully festering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointless piece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the great advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal themselves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle after another melts away. These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, and one of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. 12 x 12 Pages 77 78
Justification one of the addicts greatest tools I know it was one of mine. We need to look past what others have done to us and look only at what we have done. In all of the 12 steps, step 8 is where I struggled the most. It was easy to justify why someone didnt need to be on my list. I also used the excuse that being clean was enough of an amends so those people didnt need to be on my list. The excuses go on and by the time my list was complete (In my mind) there werent many listed and being willing was very easy.
The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, Dont see anything the matter here, Ma. Aint it grand the wind stopped blowin? Big Book pg 82
From our fourth step inventory we have a list of the people we had harmed. We now return to the list and become willing to make amends to them all. I didnt practice this as well as it is described in our steps. I took the easier softer way and half measures which availed me nothing. It took me time and a relapse before I came to the realization that I hadnt I hadnt made a very good attempt at step 8. I strongly believe that no step is done wrong or incomplete if you do the best you can at the time. This wasnt the best I could do at the time I took the easier softer way. There were amends that I didnt want to make it would be very humbling, I guess I didnt work my 6th and 7th steps that well either by hanging on to some of my defects, and it was easier to justify that by being clean all was taken care of for step 8.
This is a program of spiritual progress and that progress is made by working these steps. That is told to us in the first part of step 12 Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps By not actually working step 8 I didnt realize that my search for spirituality and a better relationship with my higher power was hindered. When I finally made the list from my 4th step and included everyone and became truly willing to make the amends I needed to make I was then able to make spiritual progress.
Also on our list we need to include ourselves. We have probably done more harm to ourselves than to anyone on our list. Many times we are the hardest one to put on our list and become willing to make amends to. This was another very difficult part of the 8th step to be willing to make amends to me.
Please share your experience strength and hope
I had not long turned 23 when I found myself contemplating this step and it is one area where those who are young that come to AA can feel especially encouraged. By that I mean that firstly my seven or eight years of destructive drinking was a relatively short time and so my list was shorter than many older members. Secondly, there is a wonderful thing about people out in the world, generally they are very willing to forgive young people's mistakes and are only too pleased to see us on a road to better things. With one or two exceptions, that is what I found when making amends. So there is no need to be fearful about this step.
To begin my list the obvious place to start was with my fourth step. There I had a list of many of the people I had harmed. Next I thought about who was coming into my mind, you know, those impromptu reminders that I will have to deal with someone sometime, the vision of a personage that causes my stomach to sink. Then I cast my mind back over the years for anyone else.
My list was made up of friends, family, workmates, employers, and members of the community whom I could identify. Then there was the list of "mates", people I drank with and sinned with and against whose proper names I did not know. It's funny but in the beginning (of sobriety) I thought these were my friends but they weren't interested in my recovery and our only common bond was they drank the way I did and still do if they're still alive that is. They were never genuine friends but I recognise that I used them to justify my own behaviour, so they deserved to be on the list. Just how to make amends was a matter for the next step and required the wise counsel of a good sponsor.
I recall feeling well motivated which had come from my experiences with the earlier steps. I was by then, absolutely convinced I was on the right path. The Big Book was proving to be "gospel"
Armed with my list I went to see my sponsor to discuss how to proceed with the next step.
As a footnote, the Big book doesn't seem to dwell on step 8 in the instructions, it seems to mean that this step is very simple, we make our list and become willing to make amends, and if we are not willing, we pray for willingness. Also it refers to our fourth step lists as the main source of our list.
In my neck of the woods, a treatment centre took the bulk of our membership through the steps upto 5. And at that time practically everyone, with very few exceptions, went through that program. Their 4th step was effectively a written 5th step and was usually burnt after being read out to their chosen confessor. Most 4/5th steps contained incriminating material I am told, and therefore could not be kept for later use lest they be discovered. So they were not much use with the 8th. I still have my 4th and I am glad that I do. There is nothing in it that I would wish to conceal.