Step 9 is vital, as all of the steps, to our recovery.The Big Book devotes 8 pages mainly to step and 9.This is the point in our recovery where spiritual growth begins to flourish.The proceeding 8 steps were laying the groundwork for our spiritual program/growth.We came to believe, we turned over our will and our life, we cleaned house and asked to have our shortcomings/defects removed.Now in step nine the final piece of the into action steps takes place.Through this step we regain ourselves.
Now we need more action, without which we find that Faith without works is dead. Lets look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.BB pg 76
Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.BB pg 79
Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.BB pg 80
There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We dont worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could.BB pg 83
The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept he home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, Dont see anything the matter here, Ma. Aint it grand the wind stopped blowin? BB pg 82
The farmer was me for a time I rationalized that just being clean was amends enough for most everyone on my list.I wasnt using any more so I wouldnt hurt them anymore.As the BB tells us it aint so.I needed to make direct and meaningful amands. Then and only then could my program of recovery give me what was promised.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. BB pg 83 84
I can say that these promises have come true for me.Some of them quickly some of them slowly but they have all come true.
Through my using every time I lied, stole, cheated, the list goes on I was giving away a part of myself.Each person I had wronged now owned a piece of me.By the time I accepted I was an alcoholic/addict and came to this program I was a shell of a person.Everything good about me had been given away I had no moral compass, no self-worth.All of the things that separate humans from the animals were gone.It was only through working the ninth step that I could put myself back together again.Each time I made an amends I was able to reclaim a part of me that had been given away.So it was through working this step I was able to become someone that was a useful part of this the AA program and society its self.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope from step 9
Fyne Spirit said
Mar 20, 2012
Hi all, I'm Mike, recovered alcoholic. Thanks for the great lead in Dan, a wonderful job as always. There was a sentence on page 77, "Simply we tell him that we will never overcome drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past." This was a statement I used on almost every occasion I was working this step with someone I had harmed. And I believed it for myself totally, at the time. As time has gone on I have seen the wisdom in this statement, and I have seen some of my fellow members slip as they continued to resist all or part of this vital step. For me it represented the final step into the sunlight of my new life, I could hold my head up, I no longer had to hide from anyone. As always I get a new take on the steps each time I go through them. I used to think the promises "we will be amazed before we are halfway through" meant half way from one to nine, and step five certainly was amazing. But now I see it means halfway through step 9 - boy am I a slow learner!. But it makes more sense to me now and fits with my experience.
Two great advantages of getting sober young are that we haven't had time to build up a huge list, and generally people are more than delighted that we have found a new life. At least that's how it was for me, I was amazed at how generous, kind and forgiving people were, even my ex girlfriend and her family were amazing and have remained life long friends. But there was one amends that I could not make for fear of causing hurt to others. For 36 years I had thought I had a daughter. I was about 15 when I first heard the news and they didn't see my heels for the dust. Seven years later it came up on my list, but we did not know the mother's circumstances. Had she married? Adopted the child out? How would she feel about this part of her past? Did I have any right to rock up out of nowhere to make amends? My sponsor (I would never make a decision of this import without working through it with a wise sponsor) and I decided we would wait, but I remained ready if the opportunity arose. When the girl, Kim is her name, was 18 her mother made contact with me to let me know that Kim was curious about her father. It was at the time my father was dying and my wife was expecting our second child. Again I consulted with all those who would be affected and the conclusion was if Kim was having problems similar to mine and there was something positive that I could do to help, then I would step forward, but if not, we would prefer not to make contact just now. The decision was left to Kim's mother on that basis and no contact was made. Then about two years ago I received a letter from Kim - she'd make a great private eye. This time it appeared no others would be hurt, my wife had died, my children grown up. By chance I met my lawyer, then retired, and told him the situation, saying that it was time for me to front up. He explained there could be serious financial consequences, a lifetime of child support, but seemed to understand that the pledge I made many years ago to go to any lengths. Kim had told me something of her life and that she had two children. She was then 36 years old, and I confess I quite liked the idea of grandchildren, it seemed it would ge a great opportunity to make proper restitution. She also sent me a picture of herself, and I immediately saw a striking resemblence to a pal of mine back then. So we decided to have a DNA test and it turned out I was not the father after all. In a way I was quite disappointed. So I had spent all that time wondering... oh well. I stay in touch with Kim, she has found her real Dad and a reconciliation is taking place. The reason I mention this story is because I know how vitally important this step is, and my committment to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience means just as much to me today as it did in the beginning.
God bless, Mike h.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 20th of March 2012 07:45:22 AM
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 20th of March 2012 07:46:23 AM
Fyne Spirit said
Mar 20, 2012
Just a few more thoughts. I was fortunate that my sponsor lead me through the steps in order so that I was well prepared emotionally and spirtually to begin step 9. For each person on my list we had a discussion and made a plan. I einforced the idea that no matter what the other party did or said, I was there to sweep of my side of the street. I also realised that this was about repentance and reparation, and that foregiveness was in the sole gift of the forgiver. A quick "sorry about that" did not cut it. I had to frankly admit my wrongs, ask each person for their forgivenes and enquire of them what if anything, they would have me do to make it up to them. One or two expected to be paid back financially, which I was happy to do, but most wanted nothing more than to see me succeed in this new way of life. The point I am making is it was up to them, not me, to determine what amends would be right.
God bless
Mike.
Wolfie55 said
Apr 10, 2012
Bernie here. Recovered alcoholic and work in progress.
well there's good news and there's bad news. The first attempt I made on step 9 was when I learned that its best to do the steps in order. That's why they put numbers in front of them. I did my step nine right after step one. I realized how hurtful and inconsiderate I had been to my wife by sleeping with other women. So I made my amends to my wife. I even told her the names of the women I had slept with. One of them was her best friend. And by trying to absolve myself of guilt for my own wrongdoing, I destroyed any friendship the two of them might have had. That's why we are careful to make amends only when doing so will not injure them or others.
Later, I did a proper step nine. I actually had broken my list into 3 smaller lists - the right-aways, the maybes, and the nevers. Interestingly enough, by the time I got through the right-aways, some of the nevers had slipped into the maybes list. Today, 14 years after I started, the only names on my list are those I accidentally harm in each days march. Fortunately, there's another step for that. Saying I'm sorry is easy. But taking an action that shows that person I truly am sorry, well that makes more sense to me.
There are some wrongs I can never fully right. I can't be too hard on myself there. I would do it if I could. In those instances, I make sure my higher power knows I want to set those matters straight.
I didn't put my name on the list. If people think that works for them, that's great. But I read once that it is by forgiving others that we ourselves are forgiven. That works for Bernie.
Step 9 AA
Step 9 is vital, as all of the steps, to our recovery. The Big Book devotes 8 pages mainly to step and 9. This is the point in our recovery where spiritual growth begins to flourish. The proceeding 8 steps were laying the groundwork for our spiritual program/growth. We came to believe, we turned over our will and our life, we cleaned house and asked to have our shortcomings/defects removed. Now in step nine the final piece of the into action steps takes place. Through this step we regain ourselves.
Now we need more action, without which we find that Faith without works is dead. Lets look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol. BB pg 76
Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything. BB pg 79
Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink. BB pg 80
There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We dont worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. BB pg 83
The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept he home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, Dont see anything the matter here, Ma. Aint it grand the wind stopped blowin? BB pg 82
The farmer was me for a time I rationalized that just being clean was amends enough for most everyone on my list. I wasnt using any more so I wouldnt hurt them anymore. As the BB tells us it aint so. I needed to make direct and meaningful amands. Then and only then could my program of recovery give me what was promised.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. BB pg 83 84
I can say that these promises have come true for me. Some of them quickly some of them slowly but they have all come true.
Through my using every time I lied, stole, cheated, the list goes on I was giving away a part of myself. Each person I had wronged now owned a piece of me. By the time I accepted I was an alcoholic/addict and came to this program I was a shell of a person. Everything good about me had been given away I had no moral compass, no self-worth. All of the things that separate humans from the animals were gone. It was only through working the ninth step that I could put myself back together again. Each time I made an amends I was able to reclaim a part of me that had been given away. So it was through working this step I was able to become someone that was a useful part of this the AA program and society its self.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope from step 9
Hi all, I'm Mike, recovered alcoholic.
Thanks for the great lead in Dan, a wonderful job as always. There was a sentence on page 77, "Simply we tell him that we will never overcome drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past." This was a statement I used on almost every occasion I was working this step with someone I had harmed. And I believed it for myself totally, at the time. As time has gone on I have seen the wisdom in this statement, and I have seen some of my fellow members slip as they continued to resist all or part of this vital step. For me it represented the final step into the sunlight of my new life, I could hold my head up, I no longer had to hide from anyone.
As always I get a new take on the steps each time I go through them. I used to think the promises "we will be amazed before we are halfway through" meant half way from one to nine, and step five certainly was amazing. But now I see it means halfway through step 9 - boy am I a slow learner!. But it makes more sense to me now and fits with my experience.
Two great advantages of getting sober young are that we haven't had time to build up a huge list, and generally people are more than delighted that we have found a new life. At least that's how it was for me, I was amazed at how generous, kind and forgiving people were, even my ex girlfriend and her family were amazing and have remained life long friends.
But there was one amends that I could not make for fear of causing hurt to others. For 36 years I had thought I had a daughter. I was about 15 when I first heard the news and they didn't see my heels for the dust. Seven years later it came up on my list, but we did not know the mother's circumstances. Had she married? Adopted the child out? How would she feel about this part of her past? Did I have any right to rock up out of nowhere to make amends? My sponsor (I would never make a decision of this import without working through it with a wise sponsor) and I decided we would wait, but I remained ready if the opportunity arose. When the girl, Kim is her name, was 18 her mother made contact with me to let me know that Kim was curious about her father. It was at the time my father was dying and my wife was expecting our second child. Again I consulted with all those who would be affected and the conclusion was if Kim was having problems similar to mine and there was something positive that I could do to help, then I would step forward, but if not, we would prefer not to make contact just now. The decision was left to Kim's mother on that basis and no contact was made.
Then about two years ago I received a letter from Kim - she'd make a great private eye. This time it appeared no others would be hurt, my wife had died, my children grown up. By chance I met my lawyer, then retired, and told him the situation, saying that it was time for me to front up. He explained there could be serious financial consequences, a lifetime of child support, but seemed to understand that the pledge I made many years ago to go to any lengths.
Kim had told me something of her life and that she had two children. She was then 36 years old, and I confess I quite liked the idea of grandchildren, it seemed it would ge a great opportunity to make proper restitution. She also sent me a picture of herself, and I immediately saw a striking resemblence to a pal of mine back then. So we decided to have a DNA test and it turned out I was not the father after all. In a way I was quite disappointed. So I had spent all that time wondering... oh well. I stay in touch with Kim, she has found her real Dad and a reconciliation is taking place.
The reason I mention this story is because I know how vitally important this step is, and my committment to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience means just as much to me today as it did in the beginning.
God bless,
Mike h.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 20th of March 2012 07:45:22 AM
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 20th of March 2012 07:46:23 AM
Just a few more thoughts. I was fortunate that my sponsor lead me through the steps in order so that I was well prepared emotionally and spirtually to begin step 9. For each person on my list we had a discussion and made a plan. I einforced the idea that no matter what the other party did or said, I was there to sweep of my side of the street. I also realised that this was about repentance and reparation, and that foregiveness was in the sole gift of the forgiver. A quick "sorry about that" did not cut it. I had to frankly admit my wrongs, ask each person for their forgivenes and enquire of them what if anything, they would have me do to make it up to them. One or two expected to be paid back financially, which I was happy to do, but most wanted nothing more than to see me succeed in this new way of life. The point I am making is it was up to them, not me, to determine what amends would be right.
God bless
Mike.
Bernie here. Recovered alcoholic and work in progress.
well there's good news and there's bad news. The first attempt I made on step 9 was when I learned that its best to do the steps in order. That's why they put numbers in front of them. I did my step nine right after step one. I realized how hurtful and inconsiderate I had been to my wife by sleeping with other women. So I made my amends to my wife. I even told her the names of the women I had slept with. One of them was her best friend. And by trying to absolve myself of guilt for my own wrongdoing, I destroyed any friendship the two of them might have had. That's why we are careful to make amends only when doing so will not injure them or others.
Later, I did a proper step nine. I actually had broken my list into 3 smaller lists - the right-aways, the maybes, and the nevers. Interestingly enough, by the time I got through the right-aways, some of the nevers had slipped into the maybes list. Today, 14 years after I started, the only names on my list are those I accidentally harm in each days march. Fortunately, there's another step for that. Saying I'm sorry is easy. But taking an action that shows that person I truly am sorry, well that makes more sense to me.
There are some wrongs I can never fully right. I can't be too hard on myself there. I would do it if I could. In those instances, I make sure my higher power knows I want to set those matters straight.
I didn't put my name on the list. If people think that works for them, that's great. But I read once that it is by forgiving others that we ourselves are forgiven. That works for Bernie.