Continued to Take Personal Inventory and when I was Wrong Promptly Admitted it.
COURAGE TO CHANGE PAGE 164
Since the tenth step is part of my daily routine, I try to think of it as a gentle, warm and loving way to take care of myself.By continuing to take my own inventory and promptly admitting when I am wrong, I clear out many unwanted attitudes that might otherwise clutter my day.
This Step has helped me to learn that Living One Day at a Time involves more than pulling my attention back from fears about the future.it also means leaving yesterdays baggage in the past.Each day I ask myself if carrying this extra weight will in anyway help me today.If not I can drop it right here and walk away from negativity with a lightness of spirit.
Todays Reminder
On this new day let me quietly reflect and search out negative feelings that are left over from yesterday.Old resentments will interfere with my serenity today.Perhaps it is time to let them go.
Each day, each new moment can be an opportunity to start over again, fresh and free
ALANON In All Our Affairs
My Share
Step 10 is a step that I began early in my recovery and helped me to finally have the courage to look more deeply at myself in Step 4.I know the Steps should be worked in order however I felt Step 4 would take me deep into the past and it was too hard to look without fear.
I then began to look at myself in the day. I would stop each evening and review my day. I would see where I felt wrong where I became upset, angry, fearful, aggressive etc. Many times I found that I felt these things, however my outer behavior was not reflective of my feelings I often pretended to be Ok-- Make a Joke, Become sullen, become sarcastic, become controlling etc.
After I looked at these behaviors and feelings I also examined my motives. What underneath drove my feelings I usually found Fear was the monster that triggered all my negative responses. I then admitted these behaviors to MYSELF I finally was beginning to understand how I was hurting myself and what I needed to do to change.
My most important tool of keeping myself stuck and hurt was Denial, and Pretend. I would deny reality and pretend all was well.This step enabled me to stop using those destructive tools and to learn how to be honest if only with myself at first.
Today I have made this step an everyday routine and am so grateful for this enormous healthy tool Now when I discover something I need to change I admit it to myself and if necessary to the other person.
Please share your thoughts on working this Step.
Activity
1. How do you continue your process of self-awareness and inventorying? Do you spend time each morning or evening reviewing your day? Or do you allow your insights to happen naturally, as you go through life and recovery? Do you combine tactics? What works best for you?
2. When was the last time you caught yourself doing something you didn't feel good about? Did you take care of the issue promptly?
3. Either daily or weekly, forces yourself to find one thing in your life and one idea about yourself that is good. Affirm that good until it sinks in and feels real. Strive to find one thing that you like about someone who is important to you, and then take the risk of telling that person.
4. Watch for ways that fear, anger, and resentment arise in your life. Watch for beliefs underlying these feelings. Watch for ways that your anger toward yourself influences your anger and behavior toward others and yourself.
5. What is the affirmation you and your inner child most need in your life today? Do you need to tell yourself that all is well, that you can slow down and take your time? Do you need to promise yourself that you will protect and take care of yourself in a particular relationship? Do you need to affirm that the love you want and need is coming to you and that you deserve a loving relationship? What is the fear or idea that is bothering you most today about you and your life? Are you facing a stressful or a fear-producing circumstance? Are you feeling inadequate about something? Create a loving, nurturing affirmation that helps you and your inner child know that your life will be fine.
DavidG said
Apr 1, 2012
hotrod wrote:
Thanks Hotrod,
Hmmm this is the middle of the morning- I am weighing up whether to share or to mow the lawn.
I do linger round the puter instead of getting my chores done. Bu tthere are also chores I need to ensure my own wellbeing.
Btw my name is DavidG and am a proud member of Alanon. I came along three months before I got married 29 years ago. Our anniversary is next weekend.
I came to step 10 late in the piece. Maybe because there was still a deep sense of crisis in my life. It seemed this way because that was the way I was.
AA talks about 90 meetings in 90 days. For me I had to be a part of starting An Alanon Group B4 I could even get started. so at the moment I am doing a number of online groups, as well as a F2F Alanon meeting.
My life had improved a lot. I lost my job last year but I have other activities to fill the void. I wrote a local history and now I am doing research, working towards a conference in August. I can get by with part time paid employment...
...last month I did a step 9. This was done mostly for myself- to make amends to the inner me.
It was made at community level and it seems to have worked out.
i do have morning and evening reflections- when I remember... ...and I have been looking at deeper meditations. Up until now I have felt so exhausted that meditation leads to sleep, or napping.
I realised that that was my greatest need and so I did nap when i needed to... getting to go with the situation rather than fighting it.
Now I am shopping around for what form of meditation suits me best.
Most of my life [actually all of my life] I have worked at the bottom end of the labour market.
This keeps me fit and healthy- a great asset at my age. Over the last months I have done a lot of hiking. I want to keep my fitness and motivation up. And to stretch out and enjoy life a lot more....
- I have always felt that fear and anger are two sides of the same coin. In my marriage I have found a new peace and calmness. I am able to make the small conversations-
-instead of uploading and dumping the big issues. I am gratefull for this programme for teaching me- from personal contact- how this might work in my life...
...mostly pretending is not in my vocabulary...
...mosty I have always said things as they were- ot at least about how I saw them. I did not always pick the right time and place to do this.
I am so grateful to be able to participate in this programme- so I can unload my emotions- or at least theor results- practise and take baby steps in a safe environment.
On Friday I travelled to a nearby community- we had a get together and watched "When Love Is Not Enough". It was great to meet and socialise outside of a meeting.
I owe a lot to Alanon. Sometimes my loyalty is tested- but by sharing in an honest open way I am able to move beyond that,
one day at a time.
Thanks hotrod for the chance to share- thanks for your service today.
Take care,
DavidG.
flopadopilus said
Apr 4, 2012
I feel the best I have ever felt and I know I have faced myself and my defects of character to the best of my ability and came out with self love and acceptance up to this step. I yelled and cussed this weekend while loading garbage this into my car to take to the dump and was just in a mood. I looked at my 14 year olds face and realized what I was doing and saying and stopped and apologized right away and told her it was not her fault, it was mine and that I hated dump day and had a bad attitude about it and needed to work on that. I thanked her for her help and moved on. I didn't dramatize the moment like I would have before or held on to my negative atitudes. This step has been very freeing for me to face the wrong as soon as possible and make the amends so I can move on with my day. If I can help it I will not dig and bury anymore hurt feelings or red flags.
Thank you everyone for joining me on this journey. And thank you Hotrod for your service on this site!
Jackie11 said
Apr 6, 2012
Hotrod I really appreciated how you said that you actually did this step before Step 4. This is something that I've always done, I've never had trouble apologizing when I was the one in the wrong. So this particular step is easy for me. I'm actually up to Step 3, making progress!
I think it's so important to be self aware, to know when I need to take ownership for something I did or did not do but also to not accept blame if it is something I am not responsible for.
Step 10 to me is about self awareness, and then changing what we can.
Thank you for letting me share and I second flopadopilus, thank you Hotrod for your work on the boards!!!
hotrod said
Apr 6, 2012
David Floppy, Jackie
Thanks for sharing your insight and wisdom regarding this Step. This is truly a fellowship of equals so that input from as many members as possible enriches us all.
I agree, this Step is a step of self awareness,. When I can be Honest, and not bury my feelings and acknowledge my part in a situation, I can be free of guilt and needless regret.
Powerful Step . Appreciate your participation
Wolfie55 said
Apr 9, 2012
Okie dokie, thanks for the invite Betty. I got sidetracked and ended up on the AA Step Board. I'll repost here what I said there.
I had an opportunity to work the tenth step earlier this evening. Not the actual daily inventory but the down in the trenches action of the step. I have been posting quite a bit on both the AA and Al-Anon boards. I posted a topic which contained a controversial statement within it. Naturally, a lively discussion followed. And then I heard something I didn't like, more to the point I misunderstood what someone said, my ego kicked in, I became flippant and responded by posting an inappropriate reply. I guess I'm not all better yet.
One of the older members was offended by my remark and rightly so because it was an offensive remark. It seemed like a good thing to say at the time but as I reread it I realized that I was being selfish and inconsiderate of others, maybe even a newcomer who might have read that comment, might go away and never come back, I wouldn't want that on my conscience.
So I had a quick chat with my higher power and realized right away what needed to be done. I deleted the comment immediately, apologized to the person I offended and posted an apology for the benefit of anyone else who may have been upset by my remark. I have managed to keep the friendship I have with the other member who I deeply admire and respect.
I wasn't going to start posting here until you returned to step one but I thought this was a perfect time to cut in.
shenny said
Feb 28, 2013
this is the list of daily inventory questions that I found in Paths to Recovery p. 107 - 108. i'm working step 10 with my sponsor and am starting these tonight. figured it might be useful if they existed on the forum so folks can cut and paste them if they want.
what were the major events of the day?
what feelings did i experience?
how did i deal with them?
did i get myself involved in any situation today that i had no business being in?
what can help me to accept myself as i make mistakes again and again?
did fear or faith rule my actions today?
how can i admit my wrongs despite my pride and fear that it will be used against me?
am i at fault for trying for peace at any price? what are my motives?
how do i know when to make amends and when not to?
what positive traits did i exhibit today?
what negative traits did i exhibit today?
how did i try to fix anyone today?
how can i "Let Go Let God"?
did i abandon my own needs today? how?
have i been too accommodating, saying "yes" when i wanted to say "no"?
was i afraid of an authority figure? of anyone? why or why not?
what small things can i do to practice standing up for myself?
how did i take on anyone else's responsibility today?
what am i afraid will happen if i don't take on extra responsibility?
if i was wrong did i promptly admit it?
what can i do to take good care of myself today?
is there something i need to take a longer look at? what is it?
have i done something difficult or particularly well today? how can i appreciate myself for it?
Step 10
Continued to Take Personal Inventory and when I was Wrong Promptly Admitted it.
COURAGE TO CHANGE PAGE 164
Since the tenth step is part of my daily routine, I try to think of it as a gentle, warm and loving way to take care of myself. By continuing to take my own inventory and promptly admitting when I am wrong, I clear out many unwanted attitudes that might otherwise clutter my day.
This Step has helped me to learn that Living One Day at a Time involves more than pulling my attention back from fears about the future.it also means leaving yesterdays baggage in the past. Each day I ask myself if carrying this extra weight will in anyway help me today. If not I can drop it right here and walk away from negativity with a lightness of spirit.
Todays Reminder
On this new day let me quietly reflect and search out negative feelings that are left over from yesterday. Old resentments will interfere with my serenity today. Perhaps it is time to let them go.
Each day, each new moment can be an opportunity to start over again, fresh and free
ALANON In All Our Affairs
My Share
Step 10 is a step that I began early in my recovery and helped me to finally have the courage to look more deeply at myself in Step 4. I know the Steps should be worked in order however I felt Step 4 would take me deep into the past and it was too hard to look without fear.
I then began to look at myself in the day. I would stop each evening and review my day. I would see where I felt wrong where I became upset, angry, fearful, aggressive etc. Many times I found that I felt these things, however my outer behavior was not reflective of my feelings I often pretended to be Ok-- Make a Joke, Become sullen, become sarcastic, become controlling etc.
After I looked at these behaviors and feelings I also examined my motives. What underneath drove my feelings I usually found Fear was the monster that triggered all my negative responses. I then admitted these behaviors to MYSELF I finally was beginning to understand how I was hurting myself and what I needed to do to change.
My most important tool of keeping myself stuck and hurt was Denial, and Pretend. I would deny reality and pretend all was well. This step enabled me to stop using those destructive tools and to learn how to be honest if only with myself at first.
Today I have made this step an everyday routine and am so grateful for this enormous healthy tool Now when I discover something I need to change I admit it to myself and if necessary to the other person.
Please share your thoughts on working this Step.
Activity
1. How do you continue your process of self-awareness and inventorying? Do you spend time each morning or evening reviewing your day? Or do you allow your insights to happen naturally, as you go through life and recovery? Do you combine tactics? What works best for you?
2. When was the last time you caught yourself doing something you didn't feel good about? Did you take care of the issue promptly?
3. Either daily or weekly, forces yourself to find one thing in your life and one idea about yourself that is good. Affirm that good until it sinks in and feels real. Strive to find one thing that you like about someone who is important to you, and then take the risk of telling that person.
4. Watch for ways that fear, anger, and resentment arise in your life. Watch for beliefs underlying these feelings. Watch for ways that your anger toward yourself influences your anger and behavior toward others and yourself.
5. What is the affirmation you and your inner child most need in your life today? Do you need to tell yourself that all is well, that you can slow down and take your time? Do you need to promise yourself that you will protect and take care of yourself in a particular relationship? Do you need to affirm that the love you want and need is coming to you and that you deserve a loving relationship? What is the fear or idea that is bothering you most today about you and your life? Are you facing a stressful or a fear-producing circumstance? Are you feeling inadequate about something? Create a loving, nurturing affirmation that helps you and your inner child know that your life will be fine.
Thank you everyone for joining me on this journey. And thank you Hotrod for your service on this site!
Hotrod I really appreciated how you said that you actually did this step before Step 4. This is something that I've always done, I've never had trouble apologizing when I was the one in the wrong. So this particular step is easy for me. I'm actually up to Step 3, making progress!
I think it's so important to be self aware, to know when I need to take ownership for something I did or did not do but also to not accept blame if it is something I am not responsible for.
Step 10 to me is about self awareness, and then changing what we can.
Thank you for letting me share and I second flopadopilus, thank you Hotrod for your work on the boards!!!
David Floppy, Jackie
Thanks for sharing your insight and wisdom regarding this Step. This is truly a fellowship of equals so that input from as many members as possible enriches us all.
I agree, this Step is a step of self awareness,. When I can be Honest, and not bury my feelings and acknowledge my part in a situation, I can be free of guilt and needless regret.
Powerful Step . Appreciate your participation
I had an opportunity to work the tenth step earlier this evening. Not the actual daily inventory but the down in the trenches action of the step. I have been posting quite a bit on both the AA and Al-Anon boards. I posted a topic which contained a controversial statement within it. Naturally, a lively discussion followed. And then I heard something I didn't like, more to the point I misunderstood what someone said, my ego kicked in, I became flippant and responded by posting an inappropriate reply. I guess I'm not all better yet.
One of the older members was offended by my remark and rightly so because it was an offensive remark. It seemed like a good thing to say at the time but as I reread it I realized that I was being selfish and inconsiderate of others, maybe even a newcomer who might have read that comment, might go away and never come back, I wouldn't want that on my conscience.
So I had a quick chat with my higher power and realized right away what needed to be done. I deleted the comment immediately, apologized to the person I offended and posted an apology for the benefit of anyone else who may have been upset by my remark. I have managed to keep the friendship I have with the other member who I deeply admire and respect.
I wasn't going to start posting here until you returned to step one but I thought this was a perfect time to cut in.
this is the list of daily inventory questions that I found in Paths to Recovery p. 107 - 108. i'm working step 10 with my sponsor and am starting these tonight. figured it might be useful if they existed on the forum so folks can cut and paste them if they want.