Step One - Admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. From: How Al-Anon Works pg. 45. (copyright 1995, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.) Each of our lives has been devastated by someone else's drinking. We annot change that fact. We have been profoundely affected by the disease of alcoholism. It's affects continue to permeate our lives. Nor can we change the behavior or the attitudes of those around us. We can't even put a stop to the drinking. We are powerless over alcohol. As long as we persist in the delusion that we can control or cure alcoholism, its symptoms, or its effects, we continue to fight a battle that we cannot win. Our self esteem suffers, our relationships suffer, and our ability to enjoy life suffers. All of our energy is wasted on a hopeless endeaver until there is nothing left over for attending to our own needs. Our lives have become unmanageable. Let's hear from some of you about your experience with Step One. Love to all - Dot

Hello - This excerpt from our literature certainly describes me to a T - over 25 years ago. I was devastated becaue the most important person in my life had changed from a caring, loving and responsible man to a man who was mean, abusive and irresponsible. I knew that if I could just do or say the right thing he would see how destructive his drinking was - to him I thought. Little did I realize how destructive it had been to me. My day to day living was influenced by how he felt or acted. Until I knew his mood I didn't know how I felt. Certainly my life was unmanageable. Going to Al-Anon Helped me see that all the things I had done or said to help my husband hadn't worked. They told me I could not cause, control nor cure his drinking - that I needed to learn to take care of myself. They loved me until I could love myself and they gave me permission to be good to myself. I needed that permission - I had not done that in a long time. In time I was even able to go to bed and to sleep instead of pacing the floor and worrying. I became a much happier person when I stopped feeling responsible for my spouse and started having fun whether he drank or not. Love and hugs - Dot

-- Edited by dot at 22:10, 2005-11-28

"Admitted WE were powerless over alcholol, that OUR lives had become unmanagable."

You mean there were more than just me?  I am not the only one that has found fighting the disease is useless?  I am not the only one who feels their life is TOTALLY out of control!

Since the first time I really looked at Step One, I have discovered that I can apply this step to more than just the alcoholic relationship(s) in my life.  When I feel that my life is unmanagable, I can just back track and take a look at what other things in my life are out of control, and what have I done to accentuate that.

What freedom it is to actually admit that I am powerless over some things.  To admit that I don't HAVE to be in control, and that others are there, or have been there, and are able to battle their way back to sanity.

I love Step one because it is an action step, but not really.  It can be quite hard to humble yourself enough to admit you are in a losing battle, but so freeing at the same time!  Once I conquered the lingo in step one, many paths of understanding opened up for me.

Aron

I'm working on step one right now.  I don't have an active a in my life at this time but my life is still affected.  I am finding that my life is unmanageable even though I try so hard to control every aspect of it.  I can't do this any more.  I am overwhelmed and so tired.  I just started going to meetings a month ago but like what I am learning.

The serenity prayer is helping a lot to remind me that I can't control everything.

Angelina

Dot,

Soemthing you just posted clicked in my head.  In working my steps I have tried to admit I am powerless and hand it all over to my HP.  I was admitting I am powerless over his and his addiction and have tried to quit controlling and manipulating. The thing that just registered is that I have not given up control (or my version of it) of the effects of his addictions.  I still try to control the outcome.  Bills have to be paid, children must not be effected, cook healthier to make up for unhealthy lifestyle..... Again, it just dawned on me that this is something I may have to work on giving up and stop trying to control it.  It's not working for me anyway.  Sure, I am able to minimize damage, but isn't that enabling?

I am learning to apply this step to all areas of my life.  I am powerless of the actions, thoughts and beliefs of other people.  In looking back since i did this step work several months ago, I have realized that not only have I tried to control and manipulate my A into different beliefes, attitudes and actions, I have done this to everyone in my life.  Right now my children are choosing to stay with their dad and limit their contact with me as long as I am with him.  I was hurt, angry and resentful.  The situation his home is in isn't any better than this one, just unfamiliar to the kids.  I am learning that I have a right to stay or leave and so do they.  How can I have negative feelings towards them for being brave and making a decision they feel good about, a decision I am envious of? 

I have to stop trying to control everyone else and handle my reactions to others better.  I haven't had to deal with their dad in years because there was no contact between them for three years and now I am finding myself having to deal with him on a weekly basis.  he will not even allow me to bring the kids home for the night or pick them up and take them to the park because he is afraid I will bring them home against their will.  For the past month I have been thinking that he really knows how to puch my buttons, but I have realized that what it is, is that I have failed to learn how to handle my emoitions and actions when I am around him.

greetings, dot. thanks for your wisdom. i am trying to learn how to do the steps. blessings, catlover