My own personal Higher Power is God as I know him.  I believe with all of my heart in the existance of my HP.  The problem is that I am questioning my HP and even a little upset with him.  I feel like I may be struck by lightening just admitting it.  I have been praying about my husband (the active addict in my life.)  My husband has been praying about it as well.  Yet my husband is still active.  I know that we aren't supposed to question and that everything happens in His time.  But, what exactly are we waiting for?  Why can't it be now? 

I used to be afraid to question authority because my insecure parents would not allow it. I have since found that the God of my understanding welcomes my questions. He does have the answers. But the real question is...  are we listening?  Sometimes we don't get the answer we want, but we are not listening to the answer that God is giving. Most of the time God does a lot more than just what we asked, but we are so focussed on what we asked that we miss what all is happening.  Sometimes we haven't really done Step 1, but are trying to control God, and instead of  turning to God's wisdom and doing things HIs way, we are trying to get God to do it our way,,, and then it's back to Step 1.

Here's a story:

There was a little boy of about 2 years of age, who asked his father for a nickel. His father reached into his pocket and pulled out a $50 bill and reached out to give it to the boy. But the boy had no concept of what a $50 bill was, and all he knew was that it wasn't the nickel he'd asked for. So he said 'nooo!  I want a nickel!' and refused the $50 bill. 

love in recovery,

amanda

-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 21:42, 2005-12-13

Powerless.....take this with a mine of salt, because as far as a relationship w/ my HP, I'm a neophyte.  

Something that has worked for me so far, is I don't ask my HP for my will.  I ask him to reveal his will to me.  When I'm ready to ask him to take something......say a burden or a defect.  I lay it out for him......ask him if he is ready, take what you like and leave the rest.  (yeah I assume my HP has a sense of humor too, lol)  The last time I really really needed an assist, it worked wonders.  He didn't take everything but the outcome was far greated that I had exptected before I prayed to him.

I friend of mine revealed to me recently that she prays in a similiar manner.  I understand that our spirituality is very personal, this is purely something I'm comfortable with in my early young relationship w/ my HP.  Take what you like.  :)

The other thing I've found is that so many of those little things I used to find amazing coincedcnes, I no longer just pass off.  I believe these are examples of my HP communicating with me.  I used to talk to my HP, only when the chips were down, and I was always asking him for help.  I was so busy asking, I wasn't listening. 

Bob

Bob,

I'm not sure what a neophyte is, but will look it up in a minute.  I like the idea of asking my HP to take away my defects.  I praise him when I look at my blessings and ask him when I need help.  The thing is, sometimes things don't readily look like blessings.  I always ask that He opens my heart to His Will and open my eyes to his lessons.  I'd like to learn them as quickly as possible so I don't have to keep repeating them.

The thing I have been having the hardest time is trying to figure out what He is trying to tell me.  Is he giving me mixed signals or am I looking at the signs wrong?  I ask for a sign when making a decision and then find myself seeing contradictory signs everywhere.  I don't know what I'm looking for.

I did think of something tonight when i was doing my step work.  My HP is not taking away my husbands addiction because it's not mine.  His addiction is none of my business and between him and His HP.  He needs to ask his HP to take away his addiction (actually, to manage it).  I know he will always have it.  It's not mine to ask for Him to remove.

Does that make sense?  Am I wrong?  I am trying to learn so much and grasp everything.  I grew up in a very spiritual home and thought of myself as having a wonderful relationship with my God, but find myself lost now.

Are you wrong?  Who am I to say if your right or wrong?  LOL

Your relationship w/ your HP is a very personal thing.

For me thing signs I see are sometimes an unexptected breeze, sometimes right after I've prayed, a song on the radio when I'm thinking about something, and add for Blessing's Towing and Recovery on a placemat at our Step meeting that got moved to the diner. 

I think that was an interesting point you made w/ your A's addiction.  I basically just give my A and her addiction to god cause I can't deal w/ it all now.   Like I said, I have a totally different back ground, and I could be all wrong.  Like I said, my relationship w/ my HP is really new now. 

Do you attened f2f and online meetings?  I'm glad they have this step board.  I'm hoping that working them here w/ everyone's feedback will be a great precursor to working them w/ a sponser when I find one.

Bob

 

Hi Powerless - I'm now sure what or who my Higher is but after a lot of 24 hours I am sure I have one. I don't ask for specifics - I ask for serenity for the next 24 hours - and the courage and guidance to cope with other people's choices that bring me pain. I can't change their choices (such as the a's choice to drink) but I can use my program to take my eyes off of them and use my program to take care of me. I have learned to give others the dignity to make their own choices and in their own time - not mine. Love and hugs - Dot